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xyzzysqrlSo at this point in the movie-watching we were comfortable and relaxed and so we got kind of crude and perverse. It doesn't help that the heavy presence of dragons in here kicked in both our libedos pretty strongly. Accordingly, the next set of writeups are perhaps more ... colorful than you would expect. Please keep out if filthy words offend you.
Okay maybe it's not that bad but we're working in Black, White, and Blue here a little bit, y'know?
Anyway. On to the Best Wishes series.
Pokémon the Movie: White — Victini and Zekrom
We introduced Elemental Dragon in the previous movie, but did you know there's a vast underground river of surging Dragon Force energy just flowing all over the planet? In the distant past, something corrupted that energy, so ancient People of the Vale built a giant sword-shaped castle, had psychic pokemon Victini pick up the castle, and then stuffed the castle real hard into the hole that was leaking corrupt energy into the Lifestream. I mean Dragonstream. Dragon Force.
In modern times, a guy called Damon (not Damos, that was the Arceus movie) wants to reclaim his tribal heritage in the ancient lost lands of the People of the Vale, so he has Victini levitate the castle out of the hole and oh no all the corrupt energy comes splooshing out into the Dragon Force again. Damon can't see it, he's up in the sky, so he doesn't know he's doing anything wrong. Eventually Ash and company manage to show him and he's like "well crap" and, after an accident where they fly the thing into space, they put the castle back in the hole.
Also the black and white dragons Reshiram and Zekrom are there.
Victini, really. Victini's a tiny pokemon with V-ears that can turbocharge anything it touches.
You would THINK Reshiram and Zekrom would be big deals in this movie, but mostly what the turbine-butted monochrome dragons do is fly around and roar at each other. Ash did manage to get his legs around a dragon for the first time since that Flygon back in movie six, though. Good job, Ash.
This movie was about dragons, Dragon Force, a leaky hole filled with drippy purple corruption, dragons flying around in the sky unable to close their legs because they have turbines in awkward places, giant sword-shaped spires straining majestically towards the sky...
The quote above is about the cleanest thing in the log file I could find to quote that made any sense without heavy contextualization.
They decided to do a thing with this movie where they made two versions of it and each has slightly tweaked scenes. This technically means Pokemon Movie Black is the one remaining movie we haven't watched yet. We may remedy that for the sake of completionism.
Regarding the actual contents of the movie, it was interesting to see as a 'villain' someone who just wanted to reconnect with their past and didn't quite do all the research. They tried for a message of "Build a new future instead of lingering in the past" and I'm not sure that really works well with the 'native american' theming they were going for with the People of the Vale, but you know what? That is absolutely not my essay to write.
Obviously I loved the whole Dragon Force thing. Elemental Dragon appears to be the 'life' element, when it gets stoppered off or corrupted the landscape dies and dries up, but if you let Dragon Force wash across the countryside it leaves fertility and growth in its wake.
(I swear, it's not me, it's the movie!)
Victini managed to be endearing and cute without being an absolute mess of a pokemon like Shaymin was. Also Victini, unlike a lot of recent legendaries and mythical pokemon, can't actually talk. Not even in psychic mode. I think making it just cutely squeaky worked to its benefit here.
Ash went to space. He's an ashtronaut now.
No, I'm not talking about the band except to mention I'm not talking about the band.
It's not that this was a bad movie or anything, it's just that you can toss it into the pile of middle-grade fairly-forgettable pokemon movies and not really lose anything except Dragon Force. This may be less of a loss for you than it is for me.
A Giant Dragon Wang/22
Kyurem VS. The Sword of Justice
Keldeo is a little unicorn pony with big ambitions: He wants to becomeruler of Equestria
we're not doing that let me start again
Keldeo aims to become one of the powerful Swords of Justice, a Three Pokemon Musketeers trio (minus the muskets). In spite of being warned he isn't ready, he marches his level 10 ass down to the level 100 dragon cave and gets his horn snapped off by Kyurem, who also freezes the other three Justiceteers because otherwise the cast would be way too big for a movie that's only an hour eleven minutes long.
Humilated in front of his peer group, Keldeo runs off but the ref doesn't ring the bell and Kyurem pursues. Keldeo ends up on top of a train where Ash and company are, and Ash decides he hasn't thrown himself in front of enough homicidal dragons this weekend so he's involved now.
The various diversionary techniques Team Ash run for Keldeo teach him about the Power of Friendship And Togetherness. This proves handy when Keldeo goes back to Kyurem's Cave of Symbolic Castration and... leaves his... friends for Ash to break out of the ice... and then single-handedly wins against Kyurem by making his horn grow really huge?
... uhm... is that... really how we're playing this?
I kinda thought, with the teamwork and friendship stuff there'd be, y'know...
Friendship and teamwork, not a solo beatdown.
No?
Uh, okay I guess.
Anyway Keldeo wins a fight with a dragon and gets his membership into the MY LITTLE PONY! FRIEEEEEENNNNNDS!
crap crap no
I mean MUSKETEERS
wait no
SWORDS OF JUSTICE
oh god nevermind let's just move on.
Keldeo pretty much sucks all the screen time out of this movie. Kyurem and his ability to wear the forms of Reshiram and Zekrom does get a couple moments, but this is the KELDEO SHOW STARRING KELDEO the whole way through.
One of the Swords of Justice is a pokemon called Virizion, and good lord there were 'wireless' jokes a-flying.
There's a great moment where Keldeo starts flying around by shooting water out of his hooves, and his facial expression of "I DID NOT EXPECT THIS INCREDIBLY STUPID IDEA TO WORK, HELP" really sells the moment. Keldeo is a small equine version of Ash, and the two are exactly as dumb and fighty as each other. It's a great dynamic.
At one point Team Ash steals a blimp, which trainee Sword of Justice Keldeo is all in favor of.
I spent most of the later part of the movie wondering if they were gonna, like, give it back or what. Eventually they do during the credits montage. Yay I guess, but also aww.
We watched this on the day of the finale of Friendship is Magic. I don't have anything to add to that, I just thought it was neat.
The English credits for the movie listed one 'Tim Werenko' as a producer, and I briefly got very interested because I read it as "Tim WereNeko". More werecats need to have well-paid jobs in the film industry.
This was okay. Good fight scenes, but mixed messages.
A Stolen Blimp/22
Genesect and the Legend Awakened
Who created the Genesect? They're prehistoric ant-things with laser cannons strapped to their back. Who made them, where did they come from, where are they going? Unfortunately, they don't know. They're basically scared kids, except for the red one. He's their somewhat homicidal leader, and they're going to take over a big park in the city and build a nest, because it reminds them of home.
Unfortunately, people are like... using that park, so it becomes a health hazard. Ash and company show up to evict them, but there's an unexpected third party: Mewtwo, who is now a protector of all pokemon. Unfortunately in the three-way scuffle the Genesect hive gets set on fire, and Ash gets through to one of the timid scared ones. Thinking quickly, Ash teams up with Mewtwo to save the Genesect, talk down the murderous red one, and find these kids a place they can live in peace. Excellent job, Ash. You're really earning that main character slot here today.
We've covered the Genesect, but hey, Mewtwo's back! She's in her "Mega Y" form which will mean nothing to most people.
What it meant to us was that she was newly curvy, had a different (female) voice, and was much better tempered and good-humored about life, like she'd had a major change for the better in her worldview.
Welcome to a movie with a lot going on. We've got emotionally scarred child soldiers, Mewtwo DBZ-fighting a laserbug and then dragging it to space so it can see the majesty and fragility of our Earth, which makes it stop fighting and realize there's enough room for everyone and everyone can live in harmony...
Obviously we focused a fair bit on Trans Mewtwo. As the dragon pointed out, having the ability to alter memories would be such a nice tool in the transitioning toolbox. *wry*
This one was oddly depressing, but uplifting at the same time. There's a place for everyone, even if you can't get back what you lost.
No really where the fuck did five traumatized bugpeople with industrial back lasers COME FROM?
Hey, can Celebi take these kids back to the past?
At one point Team Rocket casually pull out a bazooka and lock on to one of the Genesect. Then the bazooka gets lost down a subway tunnel or something and vanishes from the film. I really hope no random kids find that.
This film marks the return of "We both cried" as a metric of quality.
Actually, surprising both of us, we LOVED this. Actually made me a fan of Mewtwo, and I was not previously a fan of Mewtwo. I want to hug the Genesect individually and then as a group. This one was actual quality and that felt good.
Big Blue Earth/22
We're creeping towards the home stretch, next up is the X/Y series of movies! And boy am I gonna have to struggle not to get too verbose on that front. Please look forward to it!
Okay maybe it's not that bad but we're working in Black, White, and Blue here a little bit, y'know?
Anyway. On to the Best Wishes series.
Best Wishes (B/W) Era Films - Surprisingly Colorful, For Black And White
Pokémon the Movie: White — Victini and Zekrom
Plot Summary:
We introduced Elemental Dragon in the previous movie, but did you know there's a vast underground river of surging Dragon Force energy just flowing all over the planet? In the distant past, something corrupted that energy, so ancient People of the Vale built a giant sword-shaped castle, had psychic pokemon Victini pick up the castle, and then stuffed the castle real hard into the hole that was leaking corrupt energy into the Lifestream. I mean Dragonstream. Dragon Force.
In modern times, a guy called Damon (not Damos, that was the Arceus movie) wants to reclaim his tribal heritage in the ancient lost lands of the People of the Vale, so he has Victini levitate the castle out of the hole and oh no all the corrupt energy comes splooshing out into the Dragon Force again. Damon can't see it, he's up in the sky, so he doesn't know he's doing anything wrong. Eventually Ash and company manage to show him and he's like "well crap" and, after an accident where they fly the thing into space, they put the castle back in the hole.
Also the black and white dragons Reshiram and Zekrom are there.
Primary Pokemon:
Victini, really. Victini's a tiny pokemon with V-ears that can turbocharge anything it touches.
You would THINK Reshiram and Zekrom would be big deals in this movie, but mostly what the turbine-butted monochrome dragons do is fly around and roar at each other. Ash did manage to get his legs around a dragon for the first time since that Flygon back in movie six, though. Good job, Ash.
Discord Log Quote:
Dragonfriend: Wait... that sword is just a GIANT DRAGON WANG, isn't it? That's why a gash was gaped out JUST for it.
XyzzySqrl: I mean, there's two options here.
XyzzySqrl: A: That is the most phallic object to ever not be directly attached to a dragon.
XyzzySqrl: B: Final Fantasy 7 is happening and there's nothing we can do to stop it.
My thoughts:
This movie was about dragons, Dragon Force, a leaky hole filled with drippy purple corruption, dragons flying around in the sky unable to close their legs because they have turbines in awkward places, giant sword-shaped spires straining majestically towards the sky...
The quote above is about the cleanest thing in the log file I could find to quote that made any sense without heavy contextualization.
They decided to do a thing with this movie where they made two versions of it and each has slightly tweaked scenes. This technically means Pokemon Movie Black is the one remaining movie we haven't watched yet. We may remedy that for the sake of completionism.
Regarding the actual contents of the movie, it was interesting to see as a 'villain' someone who just wanted to reconnect with their past and didn't quite do all the research. They tried for a message of "Build a new future instead of lingering in the past" and I'm not sure that really works well with the 'native american' theming they were going for with the People of the Vale, but you know what? That is absolutely not my essay to write.
Obviously I loved the whole Dragon Force thing. Elemental Dragon appears to be the 'life' element, when it gets stoppered off or corrupted the landscape dies and dries up, but if you let Dragon Force wash across the countryside it leaves fertility and growth in its wake.
(I swear, it's not me, it's the movie!)
Victini managed to be endearing and cute without being an absolute mess of a pokemon like Shaymin was. Also Victini, unlike a lot of recent legendaries and mythical pokemon, can't actually talk. Not even in psychic mode. I think making it just cutely squeaky worked to its benefit here.
Ash went to space. He's an ashtronaut now.
No, I'm not talking about the band except to mention I'm not talking about the band.
Final Grade:
It's not that this was a bad movie or anything, it's just that you can toss it into the pile of middle-grade fairly-forgettable pokemon movies and not really lose anything except Dragon Force. This may be less of a loss for you than it is for me.
A Giant Dragon Wang/22
Kyurem VS. The Sword of Justice
Plot Summary:
Keldeo is a little unicorn pony with big ambitions: He wants to become
we're not doing that let me start again
Keldeo aims to become one of the powerful Swords of Justice, a Three Pokemon Musketeers trio (minus the muskets). In spite of being warned he isn't ready, he marches his level 10 ass down to the level 100 dragon cave and gets his horn snapped off by Kyurem, who also freezes the other three Justiceteers because otherwise the cast would be way too big for a movie that's only an hour eleven minutes long.
Humilated in front of his peer group, Keldeo runs off but the ref doesn't ring the bell and Kyurem pursues. Keldeo ends up on top of a train where Ash and company are, and Ash decides he hasn't thrown himself in front of enough homicidal dragons this weekend so he's involved now.
The various diversionary techniques Team Ash run for Keldeo teach him about the Power of Friendship And Togetherness. This proves handy when Keldeo goes back to Kyurem's Cave of Symbolic Castration and... leaves his... friends for Ash to break out of the ice... and then single-handedly wins against Kyurem by making his horn grow really huge?
... uhm... is that... really how we're playing this?
I kinda thought, with the teamwork and friendship stuff there'd be, y'know...
Friendship and teamwork, not a solo beatdown.
No?
Uh, okay I guess.
Anyway Keldeo wins a fight with a dragon and gets his membership into the MY LITTLE PONY! FRIEEEEEENNNNNDS!
crap crap no
I mean MUSKETEERS
wait no
SWORDS OF JUSTICE
oh god nevermind let's just move on.
Primary Pokemon:
Keldeo pretty much sucks all the screen time out of this movie. Kyurem and his ability to wear the forms of Reshiram and Zekrom does get a couple moments, but this is the KELDEO SHOW STARRING KELDEO the whole way through.
Discord Log Quote:
Dragonfriend: was nice. not quite a tear jerker like most of the others were, but I suppose with lesser stakes there's lesser impact sometimes.
XyzzySqrl: They can't all be big deals. Sometimes you just have to deal with a young rainbow unicorn and his castration anxiety.
My thoughts:
One of the Swords of Justice is a pokemon called Virizion, and good lord there were 'wireless' jokes a-flying.
There's a great moment where Keldeo starts flying around by shooting water out of his hooves, and his facial expression of "I DID NOT EXPECT THIS INCREDIBLY STUPID IDEA TO WORK, HELP" really sells the moment. Keldeo is a small equine version of Ash, and the two are exactly as dumb and fighty as each other. It's a great dynamic.
At one point Team Ash steals a blimp, which trainee Sword of Justice Keldeo is all in favor of.
XyzzySqrl: Iris: "Let's steal a blimp."
Keldeo, Sword of Justice trainee: "Yay!"
XyzzySqrl: "We stole this horse."
"He's a TALKING horse. Keldeo can decide for himself what he wants."
"I WANNA STEAL!"
"keldeo no"
I spent most of the later part of the movie wondering if they were gonna, like, give it back or what. Eventually they do during the credits montage. Yay I guess, but also aww.
We watched this on the day of the finale of Friendship is Magic. I don't have anything to add to that, I just thought it was neat.
The English credits for the movie listed one 'Tim Werenko' as a producer, and I briefly got very interested because I read it as "Tim WereNeko". More werecats need to have well-paid jobs in the film industry.
Final Grade:
This was okay. Good fight scenes, but mixed messages.
A Stolen Blimp/22
Genesect and the Legend Awakened
Plot Summary:
Who created the Genesect? They're prehistoric ant-things with laser cannons strapped to their back. Who made them, where did they come from, where are they going? Unfortunately, they don't know. They're basically scared kids, except for the red one. He's their somewhat homicidal leader, and they're going to take over a big park in the city and build a nest, because it reminds them of home.
Unfortunately, people are like... using that park, so it becomes a health hazard. Ash and company show up to evict them, but there's an unexpected third party: Mewtwo, who is now a protector of all pokemon. Unfortunately in the three-way scuffle the Genesect hive gets set on fire, and Ash gets through to one of the timid scared ones. Thinking quickly, Ash teams up with Mewtwo to save the Genesect, talk down the murderous red one, and find these kids a place they can live in peace. Excellent job, Ash. You're really earning that main character slot here today.
Primary Pokemon:
We've covered the Genesect, but hey, Mewtwo's back! She's in her "Mega Y" form which will mean nothing to most people.
What it meant to us was that she was newly curvy, had a different (female) voice, and was much better tempered and good-humored about life, like she'd had a major change for the better in her worldview.
XyzzySqrl: Honestly, I know legendaries are genderless.
XyzzySqrl: But
XyzzySqrl: Mewtwo's a transwoman now and that's just that.
DragonFriend: There's legit reasons, but none of them matter. Mewtwo went trans and wiped the minds of everyone who knew her old self.
Discord Log Quote:
XyzzySqrl: Movie 16: "Not having a place in the world or a peer group to relate to can make you intensely depressed, drive you to following orders you know are self-destructive just to have a sense of belonging."
Also Movie 16: "Hey check out this cool Pokemon fight."
My thoughts:
Welcome to a movie with a lot going on. We've got emotionally scarred child soldiers, Mewtwo DBZ-fighting a laserbug and then dragging it to space so it can see the majesty and fragility of our Earth, which makes it stop fighting and realize there's enough room for everyone and everyone can live in harmony...
Obviously we focused a fair bit on Trans Mewtwo. As the dragon pointed out, having the ability to alter memories would be such a nice tool in the transitioning toolbox. *wry*
This one was oddly depressing, but uplifting at the same time. There's a place for everyone, even if you can't get back what you lost.
No really where the fuck did five traumatized bugpeople with industrial back lasers COME FROM?
Hey, can Celebi take these kids back to the past?
At one point Team Rocket casually pull out a bazooka and lock on to one of the Genesect. Then the bazooka gets lost down a subway tunnel or something and vanishes from the film. I really hope no random kids find that.
This film marks the return of "We both cried" as a metric of quality.
Final Grade:
Actually, surprising both of us, we LOVED this. Actually made me a fan of Mewtwo, and I was not previously a fan of Mewtwo. I want to hug the Genesect individually and then as a group. This one was actual quality and that felt good.
Big Blue Earth/22
We're creeping towards the home stretch, next up is the X/Y series of movies! And boy am I gonna have to struggle not to get too verbose on that front. Please look forward to it!
no subject
Date: 2019-10-21 10:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-10-21 11:17 pm (UTC)With his horn.
His giant forehead boner horn of power.