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xyzzysqrlThe X/Y movies are ... whoof. One's decent, one's an emotional wringer, and the other is ... well, look, you're already this far in, keep reading, huh?
Diancie and the Cocoon of Destruction
Diancie is the prettiest princess rock pokemon in all the land, but she has a problem: Her entire civilization is going to die. The one thing that can save it is her ability to generate a new Heart Diamond, which will power the dying land she lives in back up to full. Unfortunately, she's too young and inexperienced to magic one up.
Faced with the pressure of doing a critically important something she has no idea how to do, Diancie opts to flee cross-country away from her problems. She's heard that giant blue fairy deer Xerneas can awaken her inner powers. She is soon pursued by her retainers. She also attracts the attention of a ninja and some kind of dual-class master thief/witch, as well as two chocolate-obsessed gadabouts and I'm not sure why they're in this movie. Oh, and Team Rocket's chasing her too. Diancie is roughly as subtle as a police siren mounted to a parade float.
Eventually her escape crosses paths with Ash and so on, and traveling with him gives her some perspective on life. They reach Xerneas's forest, but all the previous subplots crash into each other at the same time and accidentally awaken Yveltal, PokeGod of Destruction. So he flies around killing off/turning to stone every side character for a while, until Xerneas shows up and brings them all back, then goes into a kind of tree-shaped cocoon to help restore the forest.
From this lesson in life, death, and friendship Diancie learns to make a Heart Diamond, saving her civilization.
Diancie is a big deal and all. She's very important and fairly cute, for a, uh... rock.
Xerneas shows up to remind us all that life, uh, finds a way.
However, Yveltal does more to prune down the bloated cast list of this movie than anything ever has. Where were you when Pokemon Ranger was airing, Yveltal? Why couldn't you have done something about those goddamn endless circus segments?
Why the hell were two chocolate-obsessed thieves, a ninja, a witchthief, and all their pokemon running around this movie? I mean, other than to be hashtag FashionGoals.
Quite a body count, even if everyone came back at the end for a happy ending.
Honestly I remember very little about this movie. It just kind of didn't grab me that much. I liked Diancie herself but the events surrounding her were kind of brain-numbing. There was a focus on the main pokemon, at least. We hadn't seen that kind of focus in some time.
Inexplicable Ninja/22
Hoopa and the Clash of Ages
In the ancient past, Hoopa is a giant city-terrorizing genie-like pokemon, until some dude seals his giantness in a bottle and turns him into a small mischievious prankster instead.
In modern times, Ash and company get involved with bite-sized Hoopa. One of his current-day caretakers fetch the bottle so he can go back to being Jumbo-Size Big Hoopa, but over time that's festered into raw evil, and Hoopa doesn't want to be evil. Unfortunately, the evil side's cork gets popped and it summons up and mind controls half the legendary dragons in the world. Ash's good miniHoopa summons up a bunch of dragons too, and then there's just a dragon fight for like the entire second half of the movie.
Eventually little Hoopa gets big Hoopa in a position where the two can kind of talk it out, and it works. The evil side dissapates.
The sub-plot on this one is about a couple of kids who can literally channel the power of Arceus through their hands. Remember how Arceus is God and all? Yeah that's weird.
Dragons dragons dragons. If you like dragons, you're here for the second half of the Hoopa movie.
Also Hoopa is ... mmh, more on him later.
So. Hoopa.
Hoopa is a more interesting character than I thought. He starts off in the distant past just wanting to make people happy, and they push him towards fighting other pokemon because that's what you do in the pokeverse, you fight pokemon to prove you're stronger, right? So Hoopa fights and fights and kind of loses the dream, he just wants to prove he's super-powerful.
Eventually his super-powerful side gets sealed away and he turns into a kind of childish mini-Hoopa. He resents this for a long time, but slowly adjusts. He makes friends. Becomes family to some of these people. He's a prankster jerk sometimes, but he's also like permanantly six, so that's kind of understandable. Then one of the family is like, hey Hoopa, I'm gonna get your lamp and turn you big again.
I'd kind of expected that Hoopa would be THRILLED, but no. He's terrified. He remembers being a big destructive monster and he doesn't want to do that anymore. He's afraid of destroying his new home, the people he loves, to the point where the big destructive version of Hoopa is personified as his Evil Side and rampages while miniHoopa begs it not to. The whole thing is only resolved when Hoopa can confront his own past and tell it, essentially, "I've found people I love, I don't WANT to hurt them, I don't want to be you anymore." Which is a strong message, and it works for him. The evil dissipates etc and Big Hoopa saves the day because this is still a kid's movie and we need strong black-and-white morality.
It kind of works, and it kind of doesn't work, because we're also cutting from this emotional turmoil to the sight of like nine different dragons having an aerial dogfight and being all roary and stuff, and if you give me a choice between any given other plot thread and the dragons, I will resent the plot for taking away dragon time.
But like, IN RETROSPECT it's an interesting character development thing.
Everything else I could say feels kinda inconsequetial after that rant.
This isn't in my top five movies, but if I had to make a top ten, it would probably show up. There's a lot going on here that I enjoyed in the abstract, and I kind of want to watch it again to see more dragons and deepen my analysis of Hoopa's character. That's not supposed to happen with a Pokemon movie. What the hell's going on?
Channeling Arceus Through Your Palms/22
Volcanion and the Mechanical Marvel
Okay first off, I got no idea how to describe Volcanion so just go look at him.
Okay? Okay.
Ash and company are messing around having a Pokemon battle when Volcanion straight-up falls out of the sky and lands on Ash. He and Ash are linked together via a magnetic band, which means Volcanion literally drags Ash along on a journey to rescue mechanical bunnygirl pokemon Magearna.
Magearna is a special one-of-a-kind human-created pokemon that runs on a heart core, and the evil chancellor of a nearby kingdom needs that heart core to run a different invention, which is a flying fortress. Volcanion and Magearna take refuge in a flowery valley where pokemon abused or abandoned by their trainers go to live, but the villain tracks them down and captures her, tearing her heart out and shoving it into the flying fortress.
Ash and company eventually infiltrate the flying fortress and there's a running battle with the villain and his mind-controlled hordes of Mega Evolved pokemon, but they succeed in getting the heart core back and everything more or less has a happy ending.
Meowth, surprisingly, gets a big role here as the only one who can hear the voice coming from Magerna's heart core. More on that later.
Volcanion is the Grouchy Bastard with a heart, but he has a genuine point: He's been around abused pokemon his entire life, why would he ever trust a human? He's seen all the worst things they can do.
Magearna meanwhile is sweet, likable, and raises many questions about creation.
This movie was heart-rending at times, and we can trace why directly to aformentioned villain. Other pokemovie villains have been very "Mwahaha" or "I'll exterminate humanity" or whatever, sure.
This one made it personal.
This one pulled out the heart/soul of a sympathetic character and used it to power the Death Star, then had said Death Star fire on the Valley of Abused Orphan Pokemon for the sole purpose of driving the soul within that heart to catatonia so he could use the fortress for anything he wanted.
There's a scene where Meowth, who can speak Pokemon, is messily sobbing about "not being able to hear her voice coming from the core anymore" with the strong implication that Magearna's core is so horrified and heartbroken by what she's been forced to do that she's given up on having a living soul.
What the FUCK, Pokemon Movie 19. I can't even crack a "For Kids!" joke here. Just... what the fuck.
I mean, this is also the movie that has a lot of wacky slapstick with Ash being magnet-chained to Volcanion's leg. There were some ... tone... issues.
I liked this movie a whole lot. I don't know if I can ever watch this movie again, even knowing it turns out okay.
Lovable Mechabunny/22
With this, we end the original generation of movies.
Next up is the reboot era of movies, when they just threw up their hands and started over from scratch. Please look forward to it!
X/Y Era Films - Escort Mission: The Movies
Diancie and the Cocoon of Destruction
Plot Summary:
Diancie is the prettiest princess rock pokemon in all the land, but she has a problem: Her entire civilization is going to die. The one thing that can save it is her ability to generate a new Heart Diamond, which will power the dying land she lives in back up to full. Unfortunately, she's too young and inexperienced to magic one up.
Faced with the pressure of doing a critically important something she has no idea how to do, Diancie opts to flee cross-country away from her problems. She's heard that giant blue fairy deer Xerneas can awaken her inner powers. She is soon pursued by her retainers. She also attracts the attention of a ninja and some kind of dual-class master thief/witch, as well as two chocolate-obsessed gadabouts and I'm not sure why they're in this movie. Oh, and Team Rocket's chasing her too. Diancie is roughly as subtle as a police siren mounted to a parade float.
Eventually her escape crosses paths with Ash and so on, and traveling with him gives her some perspective on life. They reach Xerneas's forest, but all the previous subplots crash into each other at the same time and accidentally awaken Yveltal, PokeGod of Destruction. So he flies around killing off/turning to stone every side character for a while, until Xerneas shows up and brings them all back, then goes into a kind of tree-shaped cocoon to help restore the forest.
From this lesson in life, death, and friendship Diancie learns to make a Heart Diamond, saving her civilization.
Primary Pokemon:
Diancie is a big deal and all. She's very important and fairly cute, for a, uh... rock.
Xerneas shows up to remind us all that life, uh, finds a way.
However, Yveltal does more to prune down the bloated cast list of this movie than anything ever has. Where were you when Pokemon Ranger was airing, Yveltal? Why couldn't you have done something about those goddamn endless circus segments?
Discord Log Quote:
Dragonfriend: NOW they're pulling out a ying/yang, and not during Black and White?
XyzzySqrl: I like to think they shipped B/W and B/W2 and sat back and then saw a Yin-Yang and went "OH SHIIIIITT"
My thoughts:
Why the hell were two chocolate-obsessed thieves, a ninja, a witchthief, and all their pokemon running around this movie? I mean, other than to be hashtag FashionGoals.
Quite a body count, even if everyone came back at the end for a happy ending.
Final Grade:
Honestly I remember very little about this movie. It just kind of didn't grab me that much. I liked Diancie herself but the events surrounding her were kind of brain-numbing. There was a focus on the main pokemon, at least. We hadn't seen that kind of focus in some time.
Inexplicable Ninja/22
Hoopa and the Clash of Ages
Plot Summary:
In the ancient past, Hoopa is a giant city-terrorizing genie-like pokemon, until some dude seals his giantness in a bottle and turns him into a small mischievious prankster instead.
In modern times, Ash and company get involved with bite-sized Hoopa. One of his current-day caretakers fetch the bottle so he can go back to being Jumbo-Size Big Hoopa, but over time that's festered into raw evil, and Hoopa doesn't want to be evil. Unfortunately, the evil side's cork gets popped and it summons up and mind controls half the legendary dragons in the world. Ash's good miniHoopa summons up a bunch of dragons too, and then there's just a dragon fight for like the entire second half of the movie.
Eventually little Hoopa gets big Hoopa in a position where the two can kind of talk it out, and it works. The evil side dissapates.
The sub-plot on this one is about a couple of kids who can literally channel the power of Arceus through their hands. Remember how Arceus is God and all? Yeah that's weird.
Primary Pokemon:
Dragons dragons dragons. If you like dragons, you're here for the second half of the Hoopa movie.
Also Hoopa is ... mmh, more on him later.
Discord Log Quote:
XyzzySqrl: And then the dragons dragon each other and dragon themselves until the dragon dragon dragon dragon dragon
My thoughts:
So. Hoopa.
Hoopa is a more interesting character than I thought. He starts off in the distant past just wanting to make people happy, and they push him towards fighting other pokemon because that's what you do in the pokeverse, you fight pokemon to prove you're stronger, right? So Hoopa fights and fights and kind of loses the dream, he just wants to prove he's super-powerful.
Eventually his super-powerful side gets sealed away and he turns into a kind of childish mini-Hoopa. He resents this for a long time, but slowly adjusts. He makes friends. Becomes family to some of these people. He's a prankster jerk sometimes, but he's also like permanantly six, so that's kind of understandable. Then one of the family is like, hey Hoopa, I'm gonna get your lamp and turn you big again.
I'd kind of expected that Hoopa would be THRILLED, but no. He's terrified. He remembers being a big destructive monster and he doesn't want to do that anymore. He's afraid of destroying his new home, the people he loves, to the point where the big destructive version of Hoopa is personified as his Evil Side and rampages while miniHoopa begs it not to. The whole thing is only resolved when Hoopa can confront his own past and tell it, essentially, "I've found people I love, I don't WANT to hurt them, I don't want to be you anymore." Which is a strong message, and it works for him. The evil dissipates etc and Big Hoopa saves the day because this is still a kid's movie and we need strong black-and-white morality.
It kind of works, and it kind of doesn't work, because we're also cutting from this emotional turmoil to the sight of like nine different dragons having an aerial dogfight and being all roary and stuff, and if you give me a choice between any given other plot thread and the dragons, I will resent the plot for taking away dragon time.
But like, IN RETROSPECT it's an interesting character development thing.
Everything else I could say feels kinda inconsequetial after that rant.
Final Grade:
This isn't in my top five movies, but if I had to make a top ten, it would probably show up. There's a lot going on here that I enjoyed in the abstract, and I kind of want to watch it again to see more dragons and deepen my analysis of Hoopa's character. That's not supposed to happen with a Pokemon movie. What the hell's going on?
Channeling Arceus Through Your Palms/22
Volcanion and the Mechanical Marvel
Plot Summary:
Okay first off, I got no idea how to describe Volcanion so just go look at him.
Okay? Okay.
Ash and company are messing around having a Pokemon battle when Volcanion straight-up falls out of the sky and lands on Ash. He and Ash are linked together via a magnetic band, which means Volcanion literally drags Ash along on a journey to rescue mechanical bunnygirl pokemon Magearna.
Magearna is a special one-of-a-kind human-created pokemon that runs on a heart core, and the evil chancellor of a nearby kingdom needs that heart core to run a different invention, which is a flying fortress. Volcanion and Magearna take refuge in a flowery valley where pokemon abused or abandoned by their trainers go to live, but the villain tracks them down and captures her, tearing her heart out and shoving it into the flying fortress.
Ash and company eventually infiltrate the flying fortress and there's a running battle with the villain and his mind-controlled hordes of Mega Evolved pokemon, but they succeed in getting the heart core back and everything more or less has a happy ending.
Primary Pokemon:
Meowth, surprisingly, gets a big role here as the only one who can hear the voice coming from Magerna's heart core. More on that later.
Volcanion is the Grouchy Bastard with a heart, but he has a genuine point: He's been around abused pokemon his entire life, why would he ever trust a human? He's seen all the worst things they can do.
Magearna meanwhile is sweet, likable, and raises many questions about creation.
Discord Log Quote:
XyzzySqrl: The romance of a mechanical rabbit and a grumpy steam powered dinosaur has left me extremely emotional.
Dragonfriend: that was such an amazing romance.
XyzzySqrl: ...by the way I'm ignoring this scene of what's his name the villain getting found and rescued. He died, that's canon, fuck him.
Dragonfriend: yeah, fuck him hard. I don't know his name, I don't care what his name is. just fuck him with ten thousand spoons.
My thoughts:
This movie was heart-rending at times, and we can trace why directly to aformentioned villain. Other pokemovie villains have been very "Mwahaha" or "I'll exterminate humanity" or whatever, sure.
This one made it personal.
This one pulled out the heart/soul of a sympathetic character and used it to power the Death Star, then had said Death Star fire on the Valley of Abused Orphan Pokemon for the sole purpose of driving the soul within that heart to catatonia so he could use the fortress for anything he wanted.
There's a scene where Meowth, who can speak Pokemon, is messily sobbing about "not being able to hear her voice coming from the core anymore" with the strong implication that Magearna's core is so horrified and heartbroken by what she's been forced to do that she's given up on having a living soul.
What the FUCK, Pokemon Movie 19. I can't even crack a "For Kids!" joke here. Just... what the fuck.
I mean, this is also the movie that has a lot of wacky slapstick with Ash being magnet-chained to Volcanion's leg. There were some ... tone... issues.
Final Grade:
I liked this movie a whole lot. I don't know if I can ever watch this movie again, even knowing it turns out okay.
Lovable Mechabunny/22
With this, we end the original generation of movies.
Dragonfriend: My final thoughts on the OG run of the movies: I can't ... fucking believe the movie series? At one point, Ash is literally commanding an army of legendary dragon pokemon in a battle against a literal dark god to represent the devil himself and his own 6 legendary dragons, and in the end gets a save by intervention from the actual literal God of pokemon himself, and Ash still doesn't consider himself a pokemon master, and it takes him a few years of the TV series yet before he even gets a full tourney win.
XyzzySqrl: Thaaaaat's Pokemon, babe. *drops confetti and reprises the theme song*
Next up is the reboot era of movies, when they just threw up their hands and started over from scratch. Please look forward to it!
