[E3] Microsoft Makes A Sqrlmog Cry [E3]
Jun. 9th, 2019 05:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xyzzysqrlGreetings, loved ones. Let's micromanage our softness.
So before we even got to the presentation today, Microsoft successfully got me to give them a dollar.
Their PC game pass titles look pretty solid, with a strong mix of indie swish, small-time operators making good, and big name blockbusters standing out proud. I personally am here for the dungeon crawler RPGs 'Operencia: The Stolen Sun' and 'Tyranny', but I'm also down for West of Loathing, Sunset Overdrive, The Messenger, Clustertruck, Re:Core, maybe some Disneyland Adventures...
Not bad for a dollar or five a month, but I wanted to point this out because y'all needed to know I'm going into this as a compromised vector who should not be trusted objectively.
(Like I do anything objectively?)
I already wanted to like Microsoft's show because of things I suspect they're going to be presenting, now I extra want to like them because I have given them a dollar.
Currently listening to Microsoft brand drum-and-bass while they show me slowly moving chocolate boxes on-screen. It's very Winamp. I miss Winamp visualizers.
So if there is a new Xbox announced I have nine minutes to get in some puns for it. It will be called the Nexbox. The Ybox. The Xbox One Two. The Xbox Two One. The 2Box. The Tube. The Microsoft Industrial Gaming Device For Multiple Players. They'll go minimalist and just call it The Box.
Possibly they'll just call it Jordan.
It's time for Microsoft to get in our briefs. I mean, brief us.
Lots of stuff about a space colony and how corporate it is. Taking place on Halcyon. "Everything we have, everything we are, we owe to corporations. They are ALWAYS with us. No one has EVER gone against them."
Oh cool it's a game about anticorporate gunshoots here at Microsoft E3.
Be a hero, villain, or psychopath. Can I mix and match?
It's Obsidian, I sure can.
Oh this is The Outer Worlds. Looks solid. October 29th on that.
Representives from Ninja Theory crawl out on stage to present their lovely curly hair and thick curly accents.
"Combines third person action combat with competitive team multiplayer." well, y'almost had me.
"Bleeding Edge", because if there's one thing Ninja Theory can do, it's be THE EDGE.
Everybody's a cyborg or transformable into one. And then they fight in arena battles with probably no plot or context yaaaay.
...I hear Distinctive Piano...
yeah this is Ori and the Will of the Wisps.
"We decided what Ori didn't have was SPIDERS. GIANT SPIDERS. Giant drooling spiders." oh god my delicate organmeats will be eaten by spiders 2020
Nature just hates Ori doesn't it.
Ori officially Xbox One/Windows PC, riding adorable birdfriend. Feb 11, 2020.
"A brand new game from the creators of Minecraft!" I'm glad Hatsune Miku is still getting work.
This ... is just Diablo but Minecrafted. This is literally Diablocraft. Class-based, multiplayer... "Minecraft Dungeons". Okay sure.
Phil Spencer manifests on stage. Do not run, his vision is based on movement. I made this joke last year but I like it enough to bring it back.
"This moment isn't just about finding SOME new games. It's about finding YOUR new games." Pumping gamers up on how they're so charged up to be the ones to give us games we love.
"Gamers now have the magnitude to be a significant unifying force for the world." One guy claps and goes "YEAAAAAH." Unsure if Gamergate joke goes here. Probably not, too depressing.
"Over two billion of Us now play games. [...] Our team and I are SINGLE MINDED in our resolve to CONNECT..."
I know Microsoft of Borg jokes are so 90s but has anyone checked lately for Borg parts on the Microsoft guys...?
60 games this show. 30 of which will be on Game Pass.
Here's that Star Wars thing from EA again. Big setpiece taking down an ATST walker.
Dude breathing SUPER HARD with a flashlight. Looks very horror... we suddenly flash back to 1996. A detective and his dog go to find some lost kid and it instantly goes super wrong. Yeah this is pure jumpscare horror.
...A FUCKING BLAIR WITCH GAME IN 2019 WHAT HISTORY TRACK AM I ON
CD Projekt Red sends out shouts to all cyberpunks who fight against injustice every day of their lives. Mostly I giggle when they use the Doom door noise in their trailer. Anyway this doesn't really show anything gameplaywise.
There was a cyberpunk run for equipment ... BUT IT WENT BAD AND THE BUYER BETRAYS YOU what a twist that has never been done in any form of cyberpunk media ever before.
... Keanu Reeves appears in the game and then appears in real life.
I totally believe Keanu Reeves will look identical to his current appearence in 2077.
Keanu: "The feeling of being there, of walking the streets of the future, it's going to be breathtaking."
Crowd: "YOU'RE BREATHTAKING."
We see a little gameplay ... it's very Open World Whatever... Release date 4/16/2020. Okay.
Small girl is going fishing with cat now. Her town is populated by hot furries you can hug. This is already 20/10.
"Learn how to say Goodbye" aaaa fuck no that's not what I want to do with the hot furries abort abort ABORT
"Spiritfarer". This looks great and/or depressing. I want more on this.
Actual gameplay footage of Battletoads. I'm glad the Newgrounds animation staff is apparently still finding work.
"RPGTime: The Legend of Wright" which is a ... pencil-and-paper animated Dragon Quest? No, this whole thing has a VERY handcrafted look to it, we also see cardboard-box battle system stuff... This is super neat and I'm down with it.
The traditional Indie Spam trailer superbomb. "All of these games are launching on Games Pass" including a lot of games I know people have been looking forward to hard and some that... well, they haven't.
Amused Totally Accurate Battle Simulator is among them.
Sarah Bond, head of "Xbox Partnerships", steps out to flaunt about the Game Pass some more, to tell us how passionate her team is about traveling the globe and finding new indies. Not gonna lie, it sounds like good work if you can get it. Can we call indies-going-corporate "Bond-age" now? Ha ha ... no? Okay.
"Our mission is to make sure you can play any game, with anyone, anywhere." ANYWHERE, ANY TIME, MICROSOFT CAN CHOKESLAM YOU.
And here's the "PC Pass is live today" announcement.
"We have curated 100 games for PC launched by August, including Imperator Rome and Football Manager 2019!" ...uhhhhh THAT'S what you lead with?
"And you'll get the MASTER CHIEF COLLECTION" okay that's better.
"And if you want it ALL, Xbox Gamepass Ultimate gives you Xbox Game Pass for Console, PC, and Xbox Live Gold." $10 a month for the Big Package. That's fair. If I ever get an Xbox, it's nice to know I can upgrade.
Back to the trailers now. BOOM clouds mountains BOOM cities CITIES DAMNIT PLANES LOOK WE GOT PLANES ... hey wait is this MS Flight Simulator? Are they finally doing that again? IT IS. Microsoft Flight Simulator. I always respected the hell out of that for being nonviolent and realistically modeled. That's kinda cool. I'm glad they're bringing that back.
...they're also bringing back age of empires ii but I'm not even gonna pretend to mark for that.
... some kind of turn based strategy game with giant robot spiders, set in Colorado. ... Wasteland 3. Huh. I didn't know they were working on that.
Please tell me I did not mishear and this man really is named Matt Booty. ... HE IS. Microsoft shows their Booty live on stage at E3.
developers developers developers yeaaarrrrgh. Double Fine is now a part of Microsoft.
Tim Schafer's majestic beard crests the E3 stage. "Whatever you want, Matt, we are there. Halo stuff, Forza stuff, Excel stuff... we're ready."
"We just want you to make great games."
"Oh thank god I was totally lying. Here's Psychonauts 2."
Psychonauts 2 looks pretty exactly like what you would want from Psychonauts 2. That's a day one for me.
...what is more Star Wars doing h— oh it's Lego Star Wars. Excellent, I'm good with more Lego Star Wars.
"All Nine Films, One New Game: The Lego Skywalker Saga" OH GOD I CAN'T COLLECT THAT MUCH I'M A FOOL MY HUBRIS DOOMED US ALL
oh hey here's Dragon Ball Z again.
God, Goku's Japanese voice hasn't changed in ever and that's amazing. "Project Z: The Action RPG". That's cool too.
Annapurna Game about a time loop. Tense and dramatic. ... Looks to take place entirely in one house with three characters. "12 Minutes". "ABOUT A MAN" it puts on screen, and I'm like "yeah what game isn't."
"Way to the Woods" is a game about a pair of deer trying to get home through some extremely bad times. So this game isn't about a man. A+ response Microsoft. This looks pretty majestic and certainly indie as hell. Headbutt things! Glow with your antlers! Defeat the darkness! Steal a train car...? ...yeah I'm in.
Extremely artistic Gears of War trailer. There are like a hundred people stuck in this woman please let them out. September 10 for Gears 5, not my thing but the crowd seems pretty woo-ish about it.
... Heavy pyrotechnics going off as they set off on-stage explosions and then drop the camera down below it to reveal a... monitor playing Gears 5 footage?
OKAY MICROSOFT
EASE BACK VERY GENTLY ON THAT THROTTLE OKAY
Everything in Gears of War still looks like dudes in 300 pounds of vest pockets and heavy boots fighting monsters made of raw meat to me. This is what Rob Liefeld sees when he closes his eyes.
Xavier Woods, AJ Styles, and Tyler Breeze from the WWE are here to play Gears of War 5 live on Mixer later tonight because Mixer continues to be a thing that will not die.
Controller porn. They CGI an 'Elite' controller together. Ban this sick filth. Interlocking plastic and clicky buttons ahoy.
Dying Light 2 ... we're into the "We saw this last year" areas of the briefing. I wonder if anyone will notice the heavy political undertones. Or... subtext. OR JUST TEXT. PLEASE NOTICE, the trailer begs.
MICROSFOT BRINGS AN ACTUAL CAR ONSTAGE TO PROMOTE FORZA. I JOKED ABOUT IT YEARS AGO BUT IT'S REALLY HAPPENING.
Forza Horizon 4's last expansion pack is is Lego everything. Drive Lego cars in the 'real' world, drive 'real' cars in the Lego world. It all works pretty well together.
...the Car is also Lego but life-sized. Okay.
Funko Gears of War. This is still happening I guess.
State of Decay 2 expansion with branching paths ... at least this is only the second or so zombie game so far. That's pretty good for E3.
...at some point the joke becomes just that it's still going on and on...
oh my god oh my fucking god SEGA YOU ... YOU'RE... SEGA IS LAUNCHING PHANTASY STAR ONLINE 2 ON THE XBOX ONE IT'S REAL IT'S NOT A JOKE OH MY FUCKING GOD IT'S ABOUT TIME
"ALL THE CONTENT" AND THEY SHOW THE FUCKING CRAZY BATTLESHIP MECHA FIGHT
AND IT'S STILL FREE TO PLAY I'M BASICALLY IN TEARS
XBOX ONE AND PC!! PC CONFIRMED! PC CONFUCKINGFIRMMMMED
I can't believe it's finally going to happen. Please finally for real happen. Please. They announced this once and it didn't happen. This has to happen. Sega you fucking saved E3 oh my god. I am crying for real right now.
...they're showing some dark gritty realistic military thing I could not possibly give less of a shit about in the wake of that announcement.
...uh... okay composure.
Bandai-Namco showing off what looks like... I dunno, guy in a mask who pulls a sword out of a princess... oh this is that new Tales Of game that was leaked. That's pretty cool but it looks too "realistic" for my tastes. Needs to be more anime. "Tales of Arise" is for real what you're going with? Sure.
Gearbox presenting Borderlands 3. ... Maybe. I gotta know what's gonna happen with Rhys and Fiona but I could take/leave the rest of this universe.
...a BRAND NEW Borderlands 2 expansion pack for free. Geez, commitment.
...For serious though this show is still going...
Hidetaka Miyazaki, creator of Dark Souls, and George R.R. Martin — oh jesus fuck me christ this is going to be the bleakest fantasy world ever created.
"Elden Ring" and I can hear the preorders tinkling home from here.
FROM Software did not think your souls were dark enough. Have darker souls. Darkest souls possible. With a big poofy beard.
Phil's back on stage to inform me that I can stop typing soon.
Going on about the xCloud, which I guess is the new Square Enix — no, it's some kind of cloud streaming thingie that's probably going to eat Google's lunch preemptively.
"We hear you. A console should be designed, built, and optimized for one thing ONLY: Gaming." Okay so no streambox moviehub or whatever. Bunch of random talking heads going on about what they want to accomplish with their next system. Mostly "minimize load times" from the sound of it.
... Hardware ray-tracing and SSD drive... shit yeah they're serious about this.
...just tell me what it's called Phil.
Sega got me off already I don't need more foreplay.
"We're delivering four generations of content. You can connect across platforms in ways you never could before." ...wait, back compat? Hell yeah.
"Project Scarlett". That's not a real name that's an internal code name. Give me the real name you cowards.
Nothing he's saying corresponds to real words at this point. He's just puffing out buzzwords.
"Because Humanity is and was worth saving..." [CITATION NEEDED] "...we will launch Project Scarlett with Halo."
A sad engineer in some distant/remote corner of space find John Halo floating out there and gets him online again.
John Halo is confronted with the fact that they lost the war and everything's hosed. That's the start of Halo Infinite apparently.
...And the start of Halo Infinite is the end of the Microsoft Presser. Thanks for attending.
There's a LOT there that I'm hot for, there's a lot I'm very lukewarm on. Obviously I marked straight out for PSO2, obviously I'm down for Ori.
HOPES: Halo Infinite, yep. Ori? Yep. Super Lucky's Tale? Nope. Indie stuff? Yeah some.
EXPECTATIONS: ... Yep.
HYPE: AHAHAHAAHA THE TIME OF LEGEND HAS FINALLY COME
See you for the Bethesda show!
So before we even got to the presentation today, Microsoft successfully got me to give them a dollar.
Their PC game pass titles look pretty solid, with a strong mix of indie swish, small-time operators making good, and big name blockbusters standing out proud. I personally am here for the dungeon crawler RPGs 'Operencia: The Stolen Sun' and 'Tyranny', but I'm also down for West of Loathing, Sunset Overdrive, The Messenger, Clustertruck, Re:Core, maybe some Disneyland Adventures...
Not bad for a dollar or five a month, but I wanted to point this out because y'all needed to know I'm going into this as a compromised vector who should not be trusted objectively.
(Like I do anything objectively?)
I already wanted to like Microsoft's show because of things I suspect they're going to be presenting, now I extra want to like them because I have given them a dollar.
Currently listening to Microsoft brand drum-and-bass while they show me slowly moving chocolate boxes on-screen. It's very Winamp. I miss Winamp visualizers.
So if there is a new Xbox announced I have nine minutes to get in some puns for it. It will be called the Nexbox. The Ybox. The Xbox One Two. The Xbox Two One. The 2Box. The Tube. The Microsoft Industrial Gaming Device For Multiple Players. They'll go minimalist and just call it The Box.
Possibly they'll just call it Jordan.
It's time for Microsoft to get in our briefs. I mean, brief us.
Lots of stuff about a space colony and how corporate it is. Taking place on Halcyon. "Everything we have, everything we are, we owe to corporations. They are ALWAYS with us. No one has EVER gone against them."
Oh cool it's a game about anticorporate gunshoots here at Microsoft E3.
Be a hero, villain, or psychopath. Can I mix and match?
It's Obsidian, I sure can.
Oh this is The Outer Worlds. Looks solid. October 29th on that.
Representives from Ninja Theory crawl out on stage to present their lovely curly hair and thick curly accents.
"Combines third person action combat with competitive team multiplayer." well, y'almost had me.
"Bleeding Edge", because if there's one thing Ninja Theory can do, it's be THE EDGE.
Everybody's a cyborg or transformable into one. And then they fight in arena battles with probably no plot or context yaaaay.
...I hear Distinctive Piano...
yeah this is Ori and the Will of the Wisps.
"We decided what Ori didn't have was SPIDERS. GIANT SPIDERS. Giant drooling spiders." oh god my delicate organmeats will be eaten by spiders 2020
Nature just hates Ori doesn't it.
Ori officially Xbox One/Windows PC, riding adorable birdfriend. Feb 11, 2020.
"A brand new game from the creators of Minecraft!" I'm glad Hatsune Miku is still getting work.
This ... is just Diablo but Minecrafted. This is literally Diablocraft. Class-based, multiplayer... "Minecraft Dungeons". Okay sure.
Phil Spencer manifests on stage. Do not run, his vision is based on movement. I made this joke last year but I like it enough to bring it back.
"This moment isn't just about finding SOME new games. It's about finding YOUR new games." Pumping gamers up on how they're so charged up to be the ones to give us games we love.
"Gamers now have the magnitude to be a significant unifying force for the world." One guy claps and goes "YEAAAAAH." Unsure if Gamergate joke goes here. Probably not, too depressing.
"Over two billion of Us now play games. [...] Our team and I are SINGLE MINDED in our resolve to CONNECT..."
I know Microsoft of Borg jokes are so 90s but has anyone checked lately for Borg parts on the Microsoft guys...?
60 games this show. 30 of which will be on Game Pass.
Here's that Star Wars thing from EA again. Big setpiece taking down an ATST walker.
Dude breathing SUPER HARD with a flashlight. Looks very horror... we suddenly flash back to 1996. A detective and his dog go to find some lost kid and it instantly goes super wrong. Yeah this is pure jumpscare horror.
...A FUCKING BLAIR WITCH GAME IN 2019 WHAT HISTORY TRACK AM I ON
CD Projekt Red sends out shouts to all cyberpunks who fight against injustice every day of their lives. Mostly I giggle when they use the Doom door noise in their trailer. Anyway this doesn't really show anything gameplaywise.
There was a cyberpunk run for equipment ... BUT IT WENT BAD AND THE BUYER BETRAYS YOU what a twist that has never been done in any form of cyberpunk media ever before.
... Keanu Reeves appears in the game and then appears in real life.
I totally believe Keanu Reeves will look identical to his current appearence in 2077.
Keanu: "The feeling of being there, of walking the streets of the future, it's going to be breathtaking."
Crowd: "YOU'RE BREATHTAKING."
We see a little gameplay ... it's very Open World Whatever... Release date 4/16/2020. Okay.
Small girl is going fishing with cat now. Her town is populated by hot furries you can hug. This is already 20/10.
"Learn how to say Goodbye" aaaa fuck no that's not what I want to do with the hot furries abort abort ABORT
"Spiritfarer". This looks great and/or depressing. I want more on this.
Actual gameplay footage of Battletoads. I'm glad the Newgrounds animation staff is apparently still finding work.
"RPGTime: The Legend of Wright" which is a ... pencil-and-paper animated Dragon Quest? No, this whole thing has a VERY handcrafted look to it, we also see cardboard-box battle system stuff... This is super neat and I'm down with it.
The traditional Indie Spam trailer superbomb. "All of these games are launching on Games Pass" including a lot of games I know people have been looking forward to hard and some that... well, they haven't.
Amused Totally Accurate Battle Simulator is among them.
Sarah Bond, head of "Xbox Partnerships", steps out to flaunt about the Game Pass some more, to tell us how passionate her team is about traveling the globe and finding new indies. Not gonna lie, it sounds like good work if you can get it. Can we call indies-going-corporate "Bond-age" now? Ha ha ... no? Okay.
"Our mission is to make sure you can play any game, with anyone, anywhere." ANYWHERE, ANY TIME, MICROSOFT CAN CHOKESLAM YOU.
And here's the "PC Pass is live today" announcement.
"We have curated 100 games for PC launched by August, including Imperator Rome and Football Manager 2019!" ...uhhhhh THAT'S what you lead with?
"And you'll get the MASTER CHIEF COLLECTION" okay that's better.
"And if you want it ALL, Xbox Gamepass Ultimate gives you Xbox Game Pass for Console, PC, and Xbox Live Gold." $10 a month for the Big Package. That's fair. If I ever get an Xbox, it's nice to know I can upgrade.
Back to the trailers now. BOOM clouds mountains BOOM cities CITIES DAMNIT PLANES LOOK WE GOT PLANES ... hey wait is this MS Flight Simulator? Are they finally doing that again? IT IS. Microsoft Flight Simulator. I always respected the hell out of that for being nonviolent and realistically modeled. That's kinda cool. I'm glad they're bringing that back.
...they're also bringing back age of empires ii but I'm not even gonna pretend to mark for that.
... some kind of turn based strategy game with giant robot spiders, set in Colorado. ... Wasteland 3. Huh. I didn't know they were working on that.
Please tell me I did not mishear and this man really is named Matt Booty. ... HE IS. Microsoft shows their Booty live on stage at E3.
developers developers developers yeaaarrrrgh. Double Fine is now a part of Microsoft.
Tim Schafer's majestic beard crests the E3 stage. "Whatever you want, Matt, we are there. Halo stuff, Forza stuff, Excel stuff... we're ready."
"We just want you to make great games."
"Oh thank god I was totally lying. Here's Psychonauts 2."
Psychonauts 2 looks pretty exactly like what you would want from Psychonauts 2. That's a day one for me.
...what is more Star Wars doing h— oh it's Lego Star Wars. Excellent, I'm good with more Lego Star Wars.
"All Nine Films, One New Game: The Lego Skywalker Saga" OH GOD I CAN'T COLLECT THAT MUCH I'M A FOOL MY HUBRIS DOOMED US ALL
oh hey here's Dragon Ball Z again.
God, Goku's Japanese voice hasn't changed in ever and that's amazing. "Project Z: The Action RPG". That's cool too.
Annapurna Game about a time loop. Tense and dramatic. ... Looks to take place entirely in one house with three characters. "12 Minutes". "ABOUT A MAN" it puts on screen, and I'm like "yeah what game isn't."
"Way to the Woods" is a game about a pair of deer trying to get home through some extremely bad times. So this game isn't about a man. A+ response Microsoft. This looks pretty majestic and certainly indie as hell. Headbutt things! Glow with your antlers! Defeat the darkness! Steal a train car...? ...yeah I'm in.
Extremely artistic Gears of War trailer. There are like a hundred people stuck in this woman please let them out. September 10 for Gears 5, not my thing but the crowd seems pretty woo-ish about it.
... Heavy pyrotechnics going off as they set off on-stage explosions and then drop the camera down below it to reveal a... monitor playing Gears 5 footage?
OKAY MICROSOFT
EASE BACK VERY GENTLY ON THAT THROTTLE OKAY
Everything in Gears of War still looks like dudes in 300 pounds of vest pockets and heavy boots fighting monsters made of raw meat to me. This is what Rob Liefeld sees when he closes his eyes.
Xavier Woods, AJ Styles, and Tyler Breeze from the WWE are here to play Gears of War 5 live on Mixer later tonight because Mixer continues to be a thing that will not die.
Controller porn. They CGI an 'Elite' controller together. Ban this sick filth. Interlocking plastic and clicky buttons ahoy.
Dying Light 2 ... we're into the "We saw this last year" areas of the briefing. I wonder if anyone will notice the heavy political undertones. Or... subtext. OR JUST TEXT. PLEASE NOTICE, the trailer begs.
MICROSFOT BRINGS AN ACTUAL CAR ONSTAGE TO PROMOTE FORZA. I JOKED ABOUT IT YEARS AGO BUT IT'S REALLY HAPPENING.
Forza Horizon 4's last expansion pack is is Lego everything. Drive Lego cars in the 'real' world, drive 'real' cars in the Lego world. It all works pretty well together.
...the Car is also Lego but life-sized. Okay.
Funko Gears of War. This is still happening I guess.
State of Decay 2 expansion with branching paths ... at least this is only the second or so zombie game so far. That's pretty good for E3.
...at some point the joke becomes just that it's still going on and on...
oh my god oh my fucking god SEGA YOU ... YOU'RE... SEGA IS LAUNCHING PHANTASY STAR ONLINE 2 ON THE XBOX ONE IT'S REAL IT'S NOT A JOKE OH MY FUCKING GOD IT'S ABOUT TIME
"ALL THE CONTENT" AND THEY SHOW THE FUCKING CRAZY BATTLESHIP MECHA FIGHT
AND IT'S STILL FREE TO PLAY I'M BASICALLY IN TEARS
XBOX ONE AND PC!! PC CONFIRMED! PC CONFUCKINGFIRMMMMED
I can't believe it's finally going to happen. Please finally for real happen. Please. They announced this once and it didn't happen. This has to happen. Sega you fucking saved E3 oh my god. I am crying for real right now.
...they're showing some dark gritty realistic military thing I could not possibly give less of a shit about in the wake of that announcement.
...uh... okay composure.
Bandai-Namco showing off what looks like... I dunno, guy in a mask who pulls a sword out of a princess... oh this is that new Tales Of game that was leaked. That's pretty cool but it looks too "realistic" for my tastes. Needs to be more anime. "Tales of Arise" is for real what you're going with? Sure.
Gearbox presenting Borderlands 3. ... Maybe. I gotta know what's gonna happen with Rhys and Fiona but I could take/leave the rest of this universe.
...a BRAND NEW Borderlands 2 expansion pack for free. Geez, commitment.
...For serious though this show is still going...
Hidetaka Miyazaki, creator of Dark Souls, and George R.R. Martin — oh jesus fuck me christ this is going to be the bleakest fantasy world ever created.
"Elden Ring" and I can hear the preorders tinkling home from here.
FROM Software did not think your souls were dark enough. Have darker souls. Darkest souls possible. With a big poofy beard.
Phil's back on stage to inform me that I can stop typing soon.
Going on about the xCloud, which I guess is the new Square Enix — no, it's some kind of cloud streaming thingie that's probably going to eat Google's lunch preemptively.
"We hear you. A console should be designed, built, and optimized for one thing ONLY: Gaming." Okay so no streambox moviehub or whatever. Bunch of random talking heads going on about what they want to accomplish with their next system. Mostly "minimize load times" from the sound of it.
... Hardware ray-tracing and SSD drive... shit yeah they're serious about this.
...just tell me what it's called Phil.
Sega got me off already I don't need more foreplay.
"We're delivering four generations of content. You can connect across platforms in ways you never could before." ...wait, back compat? Hell yeah.
"Project Scarlett". That's not a real name that's an internal code name. Give me the real name you cowards.
Nothing he's saying corresponds to real words at this point. He's just puffing out buzzwords.
"Because Humanity is and was worth saving..." [CITATION NEEDED] "...we will launch Project Scarlett with Halo."
A sad engineer in some distant/remote corner of space find John Halo floating out there and gets him online again.
John Halo is confronted with the fact that they lost the war and everything's hosed. That's the start of Halo Infinite apparently.
...And the start of Halo Infinite is the end of the Microsoft Presser. Thanks for attending.
There's a LOT there that I'm hot for, there's a lot I'm very lukewarm on. Obviously I marked straight out for PSO2, obviously I'm down for Ori.
HOPES: Halo Infinite, yep. Ori? Yep. Super Lucky's Tale? Nope. Indie stuff? Yeah some.
EXPECTATIONS: ... Yep.
HYPE: AHAHAHAAHA THE TIME OF LEGEND HAS FINALLY COME
See you for the Bethesda show!
no subject
Date: 2019-06-10 02:41 pm (UTC)I have intentionally ignored anything about Cyberpunk 2077 because I'm legitimately 50/50 on whether CD Projekt Red can develop a cyberpunk game that is for me. I don't even want to speculate.