SQRLMOG LIVEBLOG: Bethesda at E3

[xyzzysqrl]

Bethesda's pre-preshow is Twitter. Like, if someone tweets about them, they put it up on the wall. God I wish we as a society could exorcise Twitter from the hearts and minds of the public.

Bethesda stream online! 15 minute preshow with two ladies hanging out eating popcorn and having nostalgia about preshows and presentations of the years gone by. It's like the Comfortable Lady Living Room. After a while they brought out puppies. I love this so much.

I feel like the actual presentation will be a letdown next to the power puppy petting preshow, but hey, I'm here for this, right?

"This is Bethesda", starts the presentation, and they go into a big piece about the studio itself/people who work there. Y'know, anything that helps jackasses remember actual human beings are involved in video game creation is okay with me.

Pete Hines arrives. ...he walks past a bunch of electric guitars. Why are those on-stage? He recaps Bethesda stuff. The Evil Within 2 gets a louder cheer than either Prey or Dishonored. *glare at crowd* ... Elder Scrolls Online gets a woo though, so I'm okay.

"We're starting with a game we announced a week ago, through our partners at Walmart Canada, best known for low low prices and ability to keep secrets..." It's Rage 2, and... Andrew WK is on stage now and he's going to party at us what the hell is this.

The crowd is completely still and silent. No one here is prepared to party. Andrew WK is loudly informing them they must get ready to die. I think they're starting to respond to that.

Magnus Nedfors, actual frost giant and director at Avalanche Studios, forces the crowd to cheer for him before showing off Rage 2 with main-character Walker, Last Ranger.

"I could talk a long time about the features but I know you're here to SEE THE GAME." At least Bethesda has a sense of how to work a crowd.

More Rage 2. "The Goon Squad may look whimsical, laughable even, but underneath their whimsical appearance, they are VERY dangerous." Is this a something awful game

So Rage 2 is Borderlands but louder. Okay. I could go in for that.

They take all the energy and enthusiasm from the Rage 2 presentation and instantly knife it in the scrotum: "TONIGHT I'm thrilled to announced we will RELAUNCH The Elder Scrolls Legends!"

...! Elder Scrolls Legends, guys! .... the card game? ...it's coming to consoles? Switch and all? ...yay?

"THIS IS ACTION. THIS IS STORY." ...this is a Hearthstone, calm down.

I guess this is obligatory. Now we're doing some Elder Scrolls Online stuff.(It's really one of the best solo MMOs I've personally ever played so yeah I can get why people are cheering.)

11 million players, +1 million joined with the last expansion/in the last year. So they have a right to be proud.

Next DLC: "Wolf Hunter", based on werewolf hunting.
DLC after that: Black Marsh. "We know we've heard a LOT of people who want a deeper dive on Argonian culture and lore. You've got it."

(that was me, I wanted that)

Tentacles, fire, cybernetic freaky things, metal guitar. ... It's Doom 2. No, it's Doom Eternal.

"It's a combination of your passion and our love for MAKING Doom." "It's been so inspiring to see you guys talk about what you want. Do you want the Doomslayer to feel MORE powerful? Want TWICE as many demons? Want to see Hell on Earth? We just teased that."

Debuts properly at QuakeCon in August, but they wanted to do something to thank everyone who continues to play Doom.

Speaking of Quake: Quake Champions. They're gonna eSports it. ... *go get drink*

*come back* And they have a trailer whee. I still only play this for the murderous lizard lady.

Arkane Studios. C'mon expansion c'mon c'mon c'mon...

"A HUGE FREE UPDATE FOR PREY — tonight. With New Game Plus, Survival Mode... and a randomizer DLC in the works." I'LL TAKE IT. Prey Roguelike? Okay cool.

...And a multiplayer prop hunt style mode. Sure. "Requires teamwork, improvisation, and a very high tolerance for jumpscares!"

Wolfenstein 2 on Switch, so you can "beat the fuck out of nazis on the go!" Thank you for embracing this, you guys.
And a new standalone expansion, "Wolfenstein: YoungBlood". A co-op game featuring BJ's twin daughters in the Nazi-controlled 1980s.

VR. "Wolfenstein CyberPilot" and the Prey multiplayer game. "Wolfenstein CyberPilot has you controlling a dedicated hacker who can take control of Nazi war machines, in our endless quest to bring the message "FUCK NAZIS" to every platform possible."

TODD HOWARD CLIPS ONSTAGE IT'S TIME FOR TODD

"This is my 25th year at Bethesda, and I have seen a lot of cool things in my time ... and tonight ... is one of them."

"...I hope you're comfortable by the way, you're gonna be here for a while."

"I know, most of you came here... to see one thing."
*deep breath*
*someone yells "TODD HOWARD"*
*Todd cracks up*
"You're here to see where we're putting Skyrim next, right?"
*trailer for Skyrim on Amazon Alexa, "Also coming soon to Etch-a-Sketch, Motorola pagers ,and your Samsung Smart Refrigerator."*

*Todd Howard makes trollface.* "Okay no really here's Fallout 76." *it's the same trailer as earlier*

Okay, new actual gameplay footage. Beautiful foliage.

"We even used the actual folklore of West Virgina to bring some of these creatures to life."
Todd that's a frost troll.

"Each of the people who leave the Vault... is a real person. Because yes. Fallout 76 ... is entirely online."

"You can play the entire game solo." Todd is quick to say.

"It's softcore survival. That's our new ESRB description. Death never means lost progression or a lost character. Your character isn't tied to a server. Dozens of characters, not thousands. It's the apocalypse, not a theme park. Join your friends and take all your progression with you."

So it's... a peer-to-peer connected co-op game. Okay that's cool.

"You can quest ... but the easiest way to survive in the wasteland is to team up and build together. You can build wherever you want... and you can move what you've built wherever you want."

Ah! It's Minecraft.

"So we thought... why don't we put several nuclear missile launch sites on our West Virgina map. And then ... let people do whatever they want with them."

is todd howard's face eternally locked in a troll rictus

Get together with your friends, find nuclear launch codes and launch nuclear bombs for fun. Landing nukes on a place means it spawns rare and valuable loot and rare and badass monsters.

"I read on the Internet that our games have had a few bugs. And sometimes it doesn't just work?" *confused shrug* "So, Beta."

November 14th, 2018 release date.

Todd tries to make people care about Fallout Shelter with news of a PS4 and Switch release tonight.

"Fallout Shelter has been played by more than... all of our other games combined. It means... we can bring games to life on any system... and grow the audience. So we have a mobile game to announce: The Elder Scrolls - Blades. A pure Elder Scrolls. Massive first-person RPG, a real Elder Scrolls."

The fucking lunatic is announcing the next Elder Scrolls as an iPad exclusive. TODD FUCKING HOWARD.

"Blades has several modes of play. Including Abyss, an endless roguelike dungeon." EVERYTHING IS ROGUELIKE.

He's talking about the TOWN BUILDING mode now. Multiplayer town visiting.

"We are going to bring Blades to everything we can. iPhone, consoles, PC, high-end VR, anything we can put it on... and they will all connect to each other."

Free. This fall.

THE NEXT ELDER SCROLLS IS A F2P MOBILE PHONE GAME.
*HYSTERICAL CACKLING*
TODD
FUCKING
HOWARD
Y'ALL

"We also thought, as long as we're all here tonight... we'd tell you what's coming BEYOND this year. A brand new, next-generation single player game. But it's not Elder Scrolls. Not Fallout. Our first original franchise in 25 years."

it's space I see space we're goin' to space gotta go to space

"STARFIELD". Just a logo, nothing else.

"Starfield, we've been working on for a long time. But we're also building towards... that thing you keep asking about."

ELDER SCROLLS VI. It's just a logo. Nothing else.

Well, I'll take it but that's for the future. Next year I guess.

HOPES
Next ESO expansion? Nah, DLC, but it's Argonian DLC.
Oblivion officially remade? Nah, phone game.
Doom 2? YES.
Rage 2? YES.

Expectations
I WAS ACTUALLY TOO CONSERVATIVE. THEY BLEW THE DOORS OFF.

Hype Level: 8/10, pretty high, they could fuck a lot of things up and being "online" kills mods on Fallout 76 but I am VERY CURIOUS about a lot of this stuff.

God bless you, Troll Howard.

Comments

[tuftears]

Prey DLC? ... I don't know. It showed up on Steam, but at $20 ... is this what they call an expansion or is it a 2-hour mission and done?

[xyzzysqrl]

It's a roguelike style mode. 4-map hub, with five playable characters each with their own story missions, and a 100% completion run requires all five to get their jobs done and escape.

[tuftears]

Hmm, so does that mean you need to have 4 friends, or do you swap between them at any time or...?

I may wait for the reviews. That sounds like maybe 10-15 hours, which isn't a bad amount for the price, but the game itself is pretty huge so re-downloading it would take time.

[xyzzysqrl]

As far as I know there's no multiplayer involved. You pick a character and when one dies or succeeds you move to the next.

[tuftears]

I see, so it's sort of like a 5-chapter story, each told by one character.