Bean dip, also COMPLETE - EARTHBOUND BEGINNINGS

[xyzzysqrl]

I've been fixating on really, really stupid shit lately.

Today it was bean dip. The BF, my well-meaning wolf, bought it for me because spinach dip is terrible and I'm sick to death of salsa. So. Bean dip. It's... just mashed, seasoned refried beans, isn't it? Right?

I felt like the moments that followed accurately reflect me dropping out of a state of humanity and into something primal and helpless, as I googled:
"What is bean dip?"
"Why is bean dip?"
"Explain bean dip."
"Why is bean dip not just refried beans?"
"bean dip versus refried"
"bean dip recipes"
"is unseasoned bean dip just mashed beans"
"how does bean dip work"
"EXPLAIN WHY FUCKING BEAN DIP EXISTS"
"how can I be a real human person and not understand basic shit"
"FUCK YOU GOOGLE"

This depresses me and tires me out, but I can't stop thinking.

Wondering about the history of food, the origins of cheese and corn and how god knows how many people work at the Frito Lays plant, probably not getting paid anywhere near enough, working their asses off to support their family by maintaining the machines that squirt beans into a can and mail it across the country for me to sit and stare at a fucking can of bean dip and question the nature of fucking reality.

Does anyone else do this? Is it just me? Does everyone else know how to be a real person and not... like, get hung up on dumb crap like this? I mean, I get it. We eat whatever we can because basically we're animals, and we flavor it with stuff because we're arguably sophisticated animals. Arguably. I just... I don't know.

[As a note, though, this is less about bean dip and more about my metaphorical journey into a world where nothing makes sense to me and I can't figure out why. It has been explained to me that the dip-making process helps avoid spoilage. That's fine too. It doesn't erase three frustrated hours of introspection wondering if I'm the only defective pile of crap who can't understand basic things.]

Around this point an IM window opens and a friend asks how I am, because I've been off IMs for days because I am a deeply depressed self-centered asshole. I inform them I am still a deeply depressed self-centered asshole. After waiting twenty minutes for a reply I close the IM window. I can't really blame them, I wouldn't talk to me either.

I dunno guys, I got it bad this time. I'm not... angry at everyone else anymore, just myself. I think I'm getting a handle on it -- I've gone days without yelling at the screen or breaking into tears for no reason. That's cool. That's a thing that's... good.

Mostly I played Earthbound Beginnings, which is the NES prequel to Earthbound, OR the first "Mother" game if you're Japanese. It really... really wasn't great? But it was good. It was nostalgic but still new, which is ... that's a nice feeling. I just let myself get lost in grinding back and forth, and that was nice too. The random encounter rate in that game is completely absurd. I don't know if I'd advise anyone play it, but I was in the right place for the ending to have me in tears.

Also I listened to the main vocal theme about a billion and a half times, and it is beautiful. Have a really fantastic cover of it too. Please go listen to those. They're awesome. They helped.

May play Earthbound next. I dunno. Dunno a lot of things. I'm just trying to get out of this particular pit without pulling anyone in with me.

Also:


It came to me while playing and discussing the game with a dear friend that Ninten (the main character) really isn't much of a HERO in EB. He goes to a town, finds something weird happening, checks to see if it has anything to do with his personal quest, and leaves.

Now the game doesn't have much room or time for plot because it's an NES RPG (although it uses what it has to great effect) but it came to me that "Young child investigating weird creepy psychic/paranormal stuff with the help of their great grandfather's diary" could be a great game concept if it was made again today. I'm really kind of tempted to pick up a copy of RPG Maker or TWINE or something and try to do a Mother/Earthbound-style fangame.

Except because of my personal leanings, the main character's personality keeps drifting towards Dib from Invader Zim.

"THERE! Real evidence of poltergeist activity! That LAMP attacked me! You all saw it, didn't... you all... you were all looking at the ocean, weren't you."

I dunno, this has potential. I must think about it very hard and then never successfully do anything with it.

Comments

[silveradept]

You're not the only person who has issues like that with the bean dip. I am intrigued about the idea of the fangame, though.

[soulshrapnel.livejournal.com]

Hey I don't remember if you like hugs or not but if you do then ALL OF THE HUGS and if not then, uh, here are some weird metaphorical cookies.

*gives you a plate of cookies*

I've been worrying a little about you so I'm glad that you posted. And no, you are not the only person who fixates on weird shit like bean dip. This is what depression does. It lies to your brain. It makes little things like bean dip and its mysteries seem like vitally important questions that you will never figure out. Then it tells you that you are stupid for freaking out over a little thing like bean dip. The whole thing is stupid and horrible and I am sorry that you are going through it but it does not mean that you are bad or wrong or the only person who ever had thoughts like this.

Also: being off IMs does not make you self-centred or an asshole. You have no obligation to be on IMs (or on LJ) for anyone else's benefit. You do what's right and healthy for you. Sometimes that will mean being online and reaching out for help, and other times it will mean taking a break from it all and not logging in. It's ok to do different ones of those at different times according to what you need. It's also ok to get it wrong.

Also I am still enjoying reading your posts even when you feel bad. :)

We're here for you. If someone doesn't know what to say in the face of all this it doesn't mean that they don't care or conversely, that you're somehow being mean for dumping things on them that they don't know what to respond to. It just means they don't know. Sometimes it happens and isn't really about you or them.

*more cookies*

[xyzzysqrl]

I'm both vaguely relieved and deeply appalled that this is by all accounts part of the natural human condition. You would think there would be a better way to do things. That there would be some means of self-care that doesn't rely on the realization that "Oh wait flipping out is BAD." mid-flip-out.

Thank you for the concern, and the sticking around, and all that. I am glad people are out there even when I want to stay in an industrial-strength isolation dome.

And I am keeping the cookies. *nomf*

[vulpisfoxfire.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, but all I can think of at the moment is the sequel to the classic kids's book 'If You Give A Mouse A Cookie', titled 'If You Give A Sqrl A Bean-dip.'


That said, I sometimes have a bit of that existentialism as well, when I suddenly wonder about the first time someone actually tried a a food. Cheese, especially. I mean I love the stuff, but I do kinda wonder at the mentality that results in the line of thought that results in 'This liquid is so spoiled it's gone solid! Let's shove it in our face!'

Aside to the wuff...maybe sour cream and onion next time?


That also said....We have Mother 1 and Mother 3 (Earthbound)...isn't there a Mother 0 around? Also, is there any translation project for Mother 2 (or for that matter, how many are in the series after 3? The Japanese woefully underestimate the US interest in their stuff...)

[xyzzysqrl]

Nah, bean dip was fine. I don't like SC&O at all.

The game series goes: Mother 1/Earthbound Zero/Earthbound Beginnings (Japanese/ Prototype Rom/ Official release), Mother 2/Earthbound (Japanese / Official US release), Mother 3 (Japanese / Fan translation.)