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xyzzysqrlLast time, our noble princess sprinted through a museum while screaming and putting everyone to sleep, and also beat a russian mobster silly with an axe. That's what I love about these games: The variety of playstyles they let you use. That and the ridiculous situations you can get into...
Considering ridiculous situations reminds me that we have a statue we stole from a museum, which a flesh-eating vampire lady wants. So Ashe tromps on back to the hospital to give that over to her, er... associate. Pisha is quite grateful in her own way, she passes over a magic artifact that mystically catches the blood Ashe spills by laying into people with her axe and saves it for later drinking. Well, hey! That removes a lot of the wastefulness, doesn't it? Y'know, "Use every part of the human", and whatnot...
...well Pisha might take that a little far BUT IT'S A GOOD PRINCIPLE OKAY? Oh well. It's time to go to Hollywood. Hollywood! The Big Apple! The City of Lights! Bicycle Capital of the World! The second we get out of the taxi, someone's hitting Ashe up to go see "Isaac" who is the "Baron of Hollywood"? Man there is such a HIERARCHY in this game. Is someone gonna send me to see Emperor Norton next?
Baron Isaac -- OF COURSE -- has work for us. Someone has a film he needs. They didn't show. Go to an internet cafe, log in blah blah dead drop blah go find and fetch. I ask him point-blank if he ever gets TIRED of making newbies dance on a string, and he cheerfully points out that if Ashe survives long enough she'll be doing the same thing to the generation below her. Deep sigh. He's probably right.
On the street, someone sprints up to Ashe, claiming to recognize her! Everyone thought she died! She's got to call everyone and tell them all -- Ack no. Dominate! Forget that! Go away! ...whew. Crisis averted. It really wouldn't do to have Ashe's entire extended family tromp in and ... probably get slaughtered by some rival vampire. Let's just go all Peter Parker on that situation preemptively, okay?
Meanwhile as I'm hunting for the Internet cafe, I happen to wander past the Luckee Star hotel. Ah-hah. In we go, and as soon as I find the room the key opens I'm greeted with the sight of Muddy Mike flying DIRECTLY at the camera, dead. That's fantastic. Past the body I catch a glimpse of a fanged-and-clawed dude vaulting out the back window, and evidence on the scene leads me to a salvage yard back in Santa Monica. Just to spite Isaac, I elect to head back there before doing his job.
First, though... Ashe stops in at Mercurio's place. We have JUST enough Ranged points to use the SPAS-15 shotgun he's got for sale. Buying that, a big full bag of ammo, and then a bunch of HQ blood packs drops our finances from "nearly $2000" to "$291". We've got a killer to stop, though, and we can't afford to be stingy. So it's out with the shotgun and off to the salvage yard.
The serial killer hurls cars, sets off bombs, starts fires, and generally does everything he can to stop Ashe in her tracks. Funnily enough it doesn't work, as mostly he just makes shortcuts for her through the rows of busted junk cars. Eventually she catches him. He rages about how it's his REVENGE against petty crooks, like the ones that killed his family! Ashe really isn't impressed. The killer rages on about how at least he's DOING something with his amazing powers! Ashe still isn't impressed. Eventually, he attacks, and Ashe clobbers him so hard he goes flying backward into one of his own firepits. Turns out, vampire serial killers are just as flammable as any other kind.
...yeah, just... just not impressed, all around.
Back in Hollywood! We hit the "Ground 0" Internet Cafe. Inside, we find a copy of "The Cowboy's Guide to Cyberspace, By Case" (please tell me I don't have to explain this is a Gibson reference) which just needs too high a research skill to even USE. Oh well. Eventually she locates the right terminal, logs in, and checks the email. "Meet me in the alley..." WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST augh. OUT TO THE ALLEY. Our contact is twitchy as hell and really wants to get rid of the tape. Not that he has it with him. Oh no, he STASHED it. However, before he can say more than "Ginger Swans", he gets freaked out, runs off, and vanishes screaming down a manhole.
You know, a lot of things about how vampires are portrayed in media are making more sense to me now. I'm starting to "get" why the stronger ones act like they're the only things that matter, like they're the only people who can really get anything done. I'm just saying. With the quality of help I've been given...
*rub face* Let's not rant about that right now. Back to Isaac to see if he has any idea what's up with Ginger Swans. Turns out it's just "Ginger Swan", and she's an actress who's been dead for years. Why would he pluralize that? If it WASN'T plural, and instead it was a possessive s. Like, if he left it at her grave. Happily there's a graveyard in town (because, y'know, let's just put a graveyard in the middle of Hollywood!) so off we go.
Along the way Ashe drops by the local 24-hour mart and picks up a sledgehammer (melee upgrade! Kinda! Absolutely a VS humans upgrade, maybe not for vampires, because crushing damage is calculated differently than edged damage) and a nice leather coat. (Armor upgrade!) This lovely dress-up session represents the last of our petty cash, so I hope people are willing to shell out big-time for whatever jobs Ashe does.
As I crawl under the cemetary wall, it comes to me that I have absolutely no PLAN for this other than "wander around looking for Ginger Swan's grave". So I do this. Up and down the rows, in and out of the mausoleum, until my highly trained sense of investigation triggers (read: something lights up as interactable) and I locate the tape. Back to Isaac!
(There may have been a quest in this graveyard that involved trying to defend the graveyard gates against swarms of zombies! But that quest would be COMPLETE BULLSHIT in its difficulty, so we wouldn't know anything about that! Ha ha! Editing!)
Back at Isaac's, he watches the tape, which is a fairly icky chase scene of a young lady being eaten by, uhm. Things. Heads on legs. It's pretty icky, and nobody seems happy to have seen it, but it's only half the tape. I'm going to have to go find a complete version, by asking about "Death Mask Productions" at a local porn store. ... This is a PUNISHMENT, isn't it? *sigh*
I ask Isaac if there might be ANYTHING ELSE AT ALL I can do in the city, and he points me towards a gargoyle that's taken up residence in his local Chinese theater. Huh. Strauss had a book about gargoyles, so on a hunch I head downtown to talk to him about it. As it happens, this is in fact STRAUSS' gargoyle. He created it to be his servant, and it flew away. Isaac hates the Camarilla, so I can't tell him about that. Deal? ...eh, deal. In return I get a charm of Protection Vs Gargoyle and a few tips, like "use blunt weapons". Oh, like this sledgehammer? Deal.
Inside the theater I have... yet another choice, of smashing the gargoyle or trying to get it to ally with Isaac. Isaac is pretty firmly anti-Camarilla, but I still consider that option for a bit. In the end, reluctantly, I decide that in order to keep the secrets of Strauss and the Tremere if nothing else this fellow has to get smashed. Which he does. Goodness, damage numbers in the 60s. I am SURPRISED. And impressed. Both Strauss and Isaac are relieved to be rid of the thing.
...much like I'll be relieved when I'm rid of this "visit a porn store" quest. Okay, let's get it over with. Into the store, ask about Death Mask, the clerk freaks out. I do not blame him but I also don't have time for this. Dominate! Okay, time to leave. Hang around a pay phone until it rings, use the code phrase... That sends us to Room 2 at the Luckee Star. Which sends us to the back of the Internet Cafe. Where everyone is being eaten by heads with legs.
As it happens, the pornographers of Death Mask -do- make creepy icky snuff films, but not this one. They found it at an old house in the woods. Or so the one guy able to talk to me says, moments before HE gets eaten too. "WELL DIDN'T THAT WORK OUT FANTASTIC FOR YOU?" I do not yell at his corpse. Instead I just fetch the full tape out of their office and return it to Isaac. He knows the place in the tape, and suspects that those Things are what's chased all the Nosferatu out, which is why he couldn't find them.
Good luck, Ashe! Go kill whatever the thing in that house is! And all his heads on legs! If you're not back in three days, Isaac will come out with some shock troops, after telling the Prince that he'll need a new leading lady! (Ha. Balthier will be jealous.) Oh, and by the way -- Isaac's last piece of advice: Don't Trust Lacroix.
Really? But we're practically his left hand at this point. Oh well. It's time for another trip to a totally DIFFERENT haunted house in the hills this time. I would complain, except "creepy old house" really does just work, in horror terms. Oh well, let's get THAT finished then.
I kinda feel like this whole bit is filler, and not even particularly CHEWY filler? Like they really just wanted to make you jump through hoops for yet another vampire noble to extend the game a bit further. Add that to the way the loading screens have been falling over themselves all through this area to tell me about the "Tzimisce" who are shape-crafters who love to transform people (and themselves) into awful things, and I THINK I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING, GUYS.
(Real talk: I briefly got Tzimisce confused with Tzeentch and I was like "whoa unexpected crossover what". I THINK THAT MIGHT BE COOLER than what's actually happening here just sayin'.)
So I go out to the House on the Haunted Hill House Hausu Redux 2: This Time It's Fucking Icky (augh, blood everywhere, FLIES everywhere, I just want to take a HOSE to this place) and fight creepy jumping heads-on-legs with a sledgehammer for a while, and get a power-up to my passive healing rate (SO MANY MYSTIC ARTIFACTS the inside of Ashe's coat looks like the wall at a Cracker Barrel by now) and generally just thump through that stuff. Sure enough, it's a tzimouse or whatever at the root of the problem.
He teleports around the room via blood puddles! He summons endless minions! He looks kinda like the blue chick and the not-a-klingon from Farscape had a kid! He is IRRITATING AS HELL and beating him senseless with a sledgehammer just plain feels good. In the end, it's just Ashe and a door to the Nosferatu tunnels, which are widely built up to be the single worst part of this game.
NEXT TIME: Ashe Versus The Worst Part Of This Game.
Considering ridiculous situations reminds me that we have a statue we stole from a museum, which a flesh-eating vampire lady wants. So Ashe tromps on back to the hospital to give that over to her, er... associate. Pisha is quite grateful in her own way, she passes over a magic artifact that mystically catches the blood Ashe spills by laying into people with her axe and saves it for later drinking. Well, hey! That removes a lot of the wastefulness, doesn't it? Y'know, "Use every part of the human", and whatnot...
...well Pisha might take that a little far BUT IT'S A GOOD PRINCIPLE OKAY? Oh well. It's time to go to Hollywood. Hollywood! The Big Apple! The City of Lights! Bicycle Capital of the World! The second we get out of the taxi, someone's hitting Ashe up to go see "Isaac" who is the "Baron of Hollywood"? Man there is such a HIERARCHY in this game. Is someone gonna send me to see Emperor Norton next?
Baron Isaac -- OF COURSE -- has work for us. Someone has a film he needs. They didn't show. Go to an internet cafe, log in blah blah dead drop blah go find and fetch. I ask him point-blank if he ever gets TIRED of making newbies dance on a string, and he cheerfully points out that if Ashe survives long enough she'll be doing the same thing to the generation below her. Deep sigh. He's probably right.
On the street, someone sprints up to Ashe, claiming to recognize her! Everyone thought she died! She's got to call everyone and tell them all -- Ack no. Dominate! Forget that! Go away! ...whew. Crisis averted. It really wouldn't do to have Ashe's entire extended family tromp in and ... probably get slaughtered by some rival vampire. Let's just go all Peter Parker on that situation preemptively, okay?
Meanwhile as I'm hunting for the Internet cafe, I happen to wander past the Luckee Star hotel. Ah-hah. In we go, and as soon as I find the room the key opens I'm greeted with the sight of Muddy Mike flying DIRECTLY at the camera, dead. That's fantastic. Past the body I catch a glimpse of a fanged-and-clawed dude vaulting out the back window, and evidence on the scene leads me to a salvage yard back in Santa Monica. Just to spite Isaac, I elect to head back there before doing his job.
First, though... Ashe stops in at Mercurio's place. We have JUST enough Ranged points to use the SPAS-15 shotgun he's got for sale. Buying that, a big full bag of ammo, and then a bunch of HQ blood packs drops our finances from "nearly $2000" to "$291". We've got a killer to stop, though, and we can't afford to be stingy. So it's out with the shotgun and off to the salvage yard.
The serial killer hurls cars, sets off bombs, starts fires, and generally does everything he can to stop Ashe in her tracks. Funnily enough it doesn't work, as mostly he just makes shortcuts for her through the rows of busted junk cars. Eventually she catches him. He rages about how it's his REVENGE against petty crooks, like the ones that killed his family! Ashe really isn't impressed. The killer rages on about how at least he's DOING something with his amazing powers! Ashe still isn't impressed. Eventually, he attacks, and Ashe clobbers him so hard he goes flying backward into one of his own firepits. Turns out, vampire serial killers are just as flammable as any other kind.
...yeah, just... just not impressed, all around.
Back in Hollywood! We hit the "Ground 0" Internet Cafe. Inside, we find a copy of "The Cowboy's Guide to Cyberspace, By Case" (please tell me I don't have to explain this is a Gibson reference) which just needs too high a research skill to even USE. Oh well. Eventually she locates the right terminal, logs in, and checks the email. "Meet me in the alley..." WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST augh. OUT TO THE ALLEY. Our contact is twitchy as hell and really wants to get rid of the tape. Not that he has it with him. Oh no, he STASHED it. However, before he can say more than "Ginger Swans", he gets freaked out, runs off, and vanishes screaming down a manhole.
You know, a lot of things about how vampires are portrayed in media are making more sense to me now. I'm starting to "get" why the stronger ones act like they're the only things that matter, like they're the only people who can really get anything done. I'm just saying. With the quality of help I've been given...
*rub face* Let's not rant about that right now. Back to Isaac to see if he has any idea what's up with Ginger Swans. Turns out it's just "Ginger Swan", and she's an actress who's been dead for years. Why would he pluralize that? If it WASN'T plural, and instead it was a possessive s. Like, if he left it at her grave. Happily there's a graveyard in town (because, y'know, let's just put a graveyard in the middle of Hollywood!) so off we go.
Along the way Ashe drops by the local 24-hour mart and picks up a sledgehammer (melee upgrade! Kinda! Absolutely a VS humans upgrade, maybe not for vampires, because crushing damage is calculated differently than edged damage) and a nice leather coat. (Armor upgrade!) This lovely dress-up session represents the last of our petty cash, so I hope people are willing to shell out big-time for whatever jobs Ashe does.
As I crawl under the cemetary wall, it comes to me that I have absolutely no PLAN for this other than "wander around looking for Ginger Swan's grave". So I do this. Up and down the rows, in and out of the mausoleum, until my highly trained sense of investigation triggers (read: something lights up as interactable) and I locate the tape. Back to Isaac!
(There may have been a quest in this graveyard that involved trying to defend the graveyard gates against swarms of zombies! But that quest would be COMPLETE BULLSHIT in its difficulty, so we wouldn't know anything about that! Ha ha! Editing!)
Back at Isaac's, he watches the tape, which is a fairly icky chase scene of a young lady being eaten by, uhm. Things. Heads on legs. It's pretty icky, and nobody seems happy to have seen it, but it's only half the tape. I'm going to have to go find a complete version, by asking about "Death Mask Productions" at a local porn store. ... This is a PUNISHMENT, isn't it? *sigh*
I ask Isaac if there might be ANYTHING ELSE AT ALL I can do in the city, and he points me towards a gargoyle that's taken up residence in his local Chinese theater. Huh. Strauss had a book about gargoyles, so on a hunch I head downtown to talk to him about it. As it happens, this is in fact STRAUSS' gargoyle. He created it to be his servant, and it flew away. Isaac hates the Camarilla, so I can't tell him about that. Deal? ...eh, deal. In return I get a charm of Protection Vs Gargoyle and a few tips, like "use blunt weapons". Oh, like this sledgehammer? Deal.
Inside the theater I have... yet another choice, of smashing the gargoyle or trying to get it to ally with Isaac. Isaac is pretty firmly anti-Camarilla, but I still consider that option for a bit. In the end, reluctantly, I decide that in order to keep the secrets of Strauss and the Tremere if nothing else this fellow has to get smashed. Which he does. Goodness, damage numbers in the 60s. I am SURPRISED. And impressed. Both Strauss and Isaac are relieved to be rid of the thing.
...much like I'll be relieved when I'm rid of this "visit a porn store" quest. Okay, let's get it over with. Into the store, ask about Death Mask, the clerk freaks out. I do not blame him but I also don't have time for this. Dominate! Okay, time to leave. Hang around a pay phone until it rings, use the code phrase... That sends us to Room 2 at the Luckee Star. Which sends us to the back of the Internet Cafe. Where everyone is being eaten by heads with legs.
As it happens, the pornographers of Death Mask -do- make creepy icky snuff films, but not this one. They found it at an old house in the woods. Or so the one guy able to talk to me says, moments before HE gets eaten too. "WELL DIDN'T THAT WORK OUT FANTASTIC FOR YOU?" I do not yell at his corpse. Instead I just fetch the full tape out of their office and return it to Isaac. He knows the place in the tape, and suspects that those Things are what's chased all the Nosferatu out, which is why he couldn't find them.
Good luck, Ashe! Go kill whatever the thing in that house is! And all his heads on legs! If you're not back in three days, Isaac will come out with some shock troops, after telling the Prince that he'll need a new leading lady! (Ha. Balthier will be jealous.) Oh, and by the way -- Isaac's last piece of advice: Don't Trust Lacroix.
Really? But we're practically his left hand at this point. Oh well. It's time for another trip to a totally DIFFERENT haunted house in the hills this time. I would complain, except "creepy old house" really does just work, in horror terms. Oh well, let's get THAT finished then.
I kinda feel like this whole bit is filler, and not even particularly CHEWY filler? Like they really just wanted to make you jump through hoops for yet another vampire noble to extend the game a bit further. Add that to the way the loading screens have been falling over themselves all through this area to tell me about the "Tzimisce" who are shape-crafters who love to transform people (and themselves) into awful things, and I THINK I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING, GUYS.
(Real talk: I briefly got Tzimisce confused with Tzeentch and I was like "whoa unexpected crossover what". I THINK THAT MIGHT BE COOLER than what's actually happening here just sayin'.)
So I go out to the House on the Haunted Hill House Hausu Redux 2: This Time It's Fucking Icky (augh, blood everywhere, FLIES everywhere, I just want to take a HOSE to this place) and fight creepy jumping heads-on-legs with a sledgehammer for a while, and get a power-up to my passive healing rate (SO MANY MYSTIC ARTIFACTS the inside of Ashe's coat looks like the wall at a Cracker Barrel by now) and generally just thump through that stuff. Sure enough, it's a tzimouse or whatever at the root of the problem.
He teleports around the room via blood puddles! He summons endless minions! He looks kinda like the blue chick and the not-a-klingon from Farscape had a kid! He is IRRITATING AS HELL and beating him senseless with a sledgehammer just plain feels good. In the end, it's just Ashe and a door to the Nosferatu tunnels, which are widely built up to be the single worst part of this game.
NEXT TIME: Ashe Versus The Worst Part Of This Game.
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no subject
Date: 2013-12-09 03:19 am (UTC)Did he lead up to that by telling you that fire is hot and will burn you if you get too close?
no subject
Date: 2013-12-09 03:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-12-09 08:57 am (UTC)... and then gave it up as impossible.
So in other news, it took me a bit to remember what tunnels you're talking about. Oh. Hahah have fun.
no subject
Date: 2013-12-11 01:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-12-11 01:28 am (UTC)