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xyzzysqrlSo right now the Final Fantasy XIV servers are melting through the floors of Square Enix headquarters on a collision course for the center of the Earth. They're throwing error 1017, error 90000, error 120021, Error 65535, error 3.14 and error fuck you I do what I want. If you can log in, you are some combination of Jesus and Satan ("Sasus, new from Toyota") and I hate and envy you.
Also, the game is freaking gorgeous, so there's that.
That said, I am playing with four very fine people and somehow they haven't noticed I suck yet.
We have in fact formed a Free Company, to unite our power. It is called the CAPTAINS OF INDUSTRY, because at some point we're gonna be pulling down mad loot and money and totally mass-producing clothing and stuff like that I totally swear.
(Offical motto: "Profit Is Progress". Given the choice between loot and actually doing something, we will all roll twice on the loot.)
I figured I'd introduce you all to the team! Without their knowledge! They will hate me later!
Our current lineup looks like this, and by the way the Lodestone site is hilariously time-lagged so we're probably all wearing really ridiculous clothes. Enjoy that!
Me. Xao Xizee, ninja catgirl. Unfortunately, she got linked to a Final Fantasy XI website and learned that ninjas are tanks, so she put on full plate, took up a two handed axe and became some kind of psychotic axe murderer. Makes jewelry in downtime. Also learning lances.
Nananen Gugunen ("Nana"). The wolf, my BF. A sentient potato person (or "lalafell") with hair like my grandmother and a goatee. Possibly reproduces with little buds. Is a thaumaturge, which means he casts the spells that makes peoples fall down. Also knits and sews.
Leih Desahdi. The new girl. For playing her first MMO and her first Final Fantasy, she is kicking all kinds of ass. Our group scholar-in-training, she signed a pact with Carbuncle and may turn into a witch or something. We don't know how that works. Hits people with books. Also does almost all the crafting and makes delicious stew and some dish involving wax and pumpkins that all the gatherers are addicted to.
Scian Scythe. A cat who is also a wolf who is primarily a wolf who is part dragon who is also an archer. And a lancer. If it involves sticking things into other things he is available. Is often the only one who has any idea what's going on in dungeon runs, because he's got actual MMO dungeon experience. Makes me feel totally inadaquate on a regular basis.
Domino Stregone. DRAGON. Looks like somebody's evil Vizer who is going to betray you. Inexplicably, we all trust him completely. Probably because this is our healer. He also does EVERYTHING ELSE because oh my god when does this guy sleep STOP PICKING UP CLASSES.
So that's the crew!
We've done five instances/dungeons/whatever, so far. Leih's up to the third, but that's cool because playing at your own pace is a good thing and playing 18 hour days to grind out content is for stereotypical Koreans. Please do not look at my Raptr play times.
The dungeons we've run:
Natasha, which we entered looking for a spare minigun for our archer. Unfortunately all we found were pirates and fish people and they started to Boris so we beat them to death with a moose and a squirrel.
*pause, check roster*
I'm sorry, two wolves and a squirrel. And an elf. Dragon.
The Tim Tamborine Laracroft (alternate titles: The Tim Hortons Deepstop, The Timmytammydingleboop.)
Here we fought cultists and a mindflayer, thus preventing a lawsuit from Wizards of the Coast. Also, I kind of want "The Dominator" as a title, but everyone looks at me funny when I say that. I dungetit.
The Copperhell Mines (alternate titles: "Fuck the fucking slime fight fuck it", "Why is this the copperbell mines when you mine iron here?")
The first actual challenge! Lots of enemies, lots of additional enemies. This one fight where you have to blow up a slime with bombs and fight the pieces. A super tense end battle which can easily lead to waves of spawns storming into the one-on-four boss battle.
"The hardest thing to tank yet", according to me.
"Surprisingly easy", according to Scian.
"I don't know what you were complaining about.", says Nana.
IFRIT (Ifrit is cool enough he gets to keep his actual name).
The shortest dungeon ever? It's like one room with a boss. Did the dungeon designers fall asleep? ... okay no, this is actually a big-ass boss fight that kicked us in the butt-butt a couple times. Partway through the fight he drops a THING and if you don't blow the thing up like superfast EVERYBODY EXPLODES.
The first time we tried to fight Ifrit, I took my big two-handed axe in hand, ran at him screaming, and Error 90000'd my way off the server while he basically ate the entire rest of the party. So that was magical fairytimes. HAPPILY I got back on and we wrecked, but I was in facepalm mode for a while there.
Honolulu (Alt titles: Holymoly, Havarti, Hammurabi, Haveabelly, Holololol, Steve). It takes me longer to come up with jokes about this place than it does to run it. Probably my favorite dungeon so far, and the first optional content dungeon-wise. Your tank predicts weather of FIRE and LIGHTNING and MORE FIRE. There's like a dragon and some chains and the dragon is OFF the chains. Ends in a fight against a bull man with a giant crotch which he is always sticking up in my face. It's like Dark Souls in here, I am telling you.
What we're all up to NOW, and our next big project, will be the Thousand Moms of Toby Rock. I don't know who Toby Rock is or why he has a thousand moms, but we're gonna go push them down some stairs. Apparently we will also get sucked into trap rooms and dissolve in pools of acid. I'm sure we're gonna all die horribly and it's gonna be my fault. This is gonna be amazing.
Anyway that's as long as I can keep this post running. Oh! The plot is fun too! And... everything is fun. Yeah. The game is just -amazing-, but...
If you're thinking of buying Final Fantasy 14, don't? At least not right now. Wait for a couple days and we'll see if the servers stop emitting screams loud enough to scare dogs all over Tokyo.
Also, the game is freaking gorgeous, so there's that.
That said, I am playing with four very fine people and somehow they haven't noticed I suck yet.
We have in fact formed a Free Company, to unite our power. It is called the CAPTAINS OF INDUSTRY, because at some point we're gonna be pulling down mad loot and money and totally mass-producing clothing and stuff like that I totally swear.
(Offical motto: "Profit Is Progress". Given the choice between loot and actually doing something, we will all roll twice on the loot.)
I figured I'd introduce you all to the team! Without their knowledge! They will hate me later!
Our current lineup looks like this, and by the way the Lodestone site is hilariously time-lagged so we're probably all wearing really ridiculous clothes. Enjoy that!
Me. Xao Xizee, ninja catgirl. Unfortunately, she got linked to a Final Fantasy XI website and learned that ninjas are tanks, so she put on full plate, took up a two handed axe and became some kind of psychotic axe murderer. Makes jewelry in downtime. Also learning lances.
Nananen Gugunen ("Nana"). The wolf, my BF. A sentient potato person (or "lalafell") with hair like my grandmother and a goatee. Possibly reproduces with little buds. Is a thaumaturge, which means he casts the spells that makes peoples fall down. Also knits and sews.
Leih Desahdi. The new girl. For playing her first MMO and her first Final Fantasy, she is kicking all kinds of ass. Our group scholar-in-training, she signed a pact with Carbuncle and may turn into a witch or something. We don't know how that works. Hits people with books. Also does almost all the crafting and makes delicious stew and some dish involving wax and pumpkins that all the gatherers are addicted to.
Scian Scythe. A cat who is also a wolf who is primarily a wolf who is part dragon who is also an archer. And a lancer. If it involves sticking things into other things he is available. Is often the only one who has any idea what's going on in dungeon runs, because he's got actual MMO dungeon experience. Makes me feel totally inadaquate on a regular basis.
Domino Stregone. DRAGON. Looks like somebody's evil Vizer who is going to betray you. Inexplicably, we all trust him completely. Probably because this is our healer. He also does EVERYTHING ELSE because oh my god when does this guy sleep STOP PICKING UP CLASSES.
So that's the crew!
We've done five instances/dungeons/whatever, so far. Leih's up to the third, but that's cool because playing at your own pace is a good thing and playing 18 hour days to grind out content is for stereotypical Koreans. Please do not look at my Raptr play times.
The dungeons we've run:
Natasha, which we entered looking for a spare minigun for our archer. Unfortunately all we found were pirates and fish people and they started to Boris so we beat them to death with a moose and a squirrel.
*pause, check roster*
I'm sorry, two wolves and a squirrel. And an elf. Dragon.
The Tim Tamborine Laracroft (alternate titles: The Tim Hortons Deepstop, The Timmytammydingleboop.)
Here we fought cultists and a mindflayer, thus preventing a lawsuit from Wizards of the Coast. Also, I kind of want "The Dominator" as a title, but everyone looks at me funny when I say that. I dungetit.
The Copperhell Mines (alternate titles: "Fuck the fucking slime fight fuck it", "Why is this the copperbell mines when you mine iron here?")
The first actual challenge! Lots of enemies, lots of additional enemies. This one fight where you have to blow up a slime with bombs and fight the pieces. A super tense end battle which can easily lead to waves of spawns storming into the one-on-four boss battle.
"The hardest thing to tank yet", according to me.
"Surprisingly easy", according to Scian.
"I don't know what you were complaining about.", says Nana.
IFRIT (Ifrit is cool enough he gets to keep his actual name).
The shortest dungeon ever? It's like one room with a boss. Did the dungeon designers fall asleep? ... okay no, this is actually a big-ass boss fight that kicked us in the butt-butt a couple times. Partway through the fight he drops a THING and if you don't blow the thing up like superfast EVERYBODY EXPLODES.
The first time we tried to fight Ifrit, I took my big two-handed axe in hand, ran at him screaming, and Error 90000'd my way off the server while he basically ate the entire rest of the party. So that was magical fairytimes. HAPPILY I got back on and we wrecked, but I was in facepalm mode for a while there.
Honolulu (Alt titles: Holymoly, Havarti, Hammurabi, Haveabelly, Holololol, Steve). It takes me longer to come up with jokes about this place than it does to run it. Probably my favorite dungeon so far, and the first optional content dungeon-wise. Your tank predicts weather of FIRE and LIGHTNING and MORE FIRE. There's like a dragon and some chains and the dragon is OFF the chains. Ends in a fight against a bull man with a giant crotch which he is always sticking up in my face. It's like Dark Souls in here, I am telling you.
What we're all up to NOW, and our next big project, will be the Thousand Moms of Toby Rock. I don't know who Toby Rock is or why he has a thousand moms, but we're gonna go push them down some stairs. Apparently we will also get sucked into trap rooms and dissolve in pools of acid. I'm sure we're gonna all die horribly and it's gonna be my fault. This is gonna be amazing.
Anyway that's as long as I can keep this post running. Oh! The plot is fun too! And... everything is fun. Yeah. The game is just -amazing-, but...
If you're thinking of buying Final Fantasy 14, don't? At least not right now. Wait for a couple days and we'll see if the servers stop emitting screams loud enough to scare dogs all over Tokyo.
