Final Fantasy 12 IHOP - Beaky Quest
Dec. 20th, 2012 02:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xyzzysqrlYou people have spoken, in your adorable squeaky chipmunk voices! ... Seriously, do any of you hear that? Weirds me out. Anyway. You have all spoken and Ashe becomes the wielder of Death itself. She also gets a nice HP boost, making her natural hit points 5050. This means that wearing the health-doubling Bubble Belt or otherwise augmented, she is our first character to reach 9999 HP, the limit of the display counter. She is now not merely a dangerous and potentially psychotic princess on a mad quest for power, but nearly unstoppable as well. I have NO reason to believe this will end badly.
Now... I want to talk for a moment about the scale and scope of games like Final Fantasy 12.
One thing that doesn't really get brought up a lot is just how complex and complicated the underlying systems of a really good RPG are. Sure, you have the surface layer of plot and characterization, but underneat the visible structure is a whole mess of interconnected triggers and flag-settings. Has the player been to this city? That's a potential flag. Spoken with Townsperson #446? That's another potential flag. Been to that city BUT not talked to the townsperson? Flagflag. Picked up some item somewhere? So flagged.
Hundreds of thousands of "if the player has done this event, then trigger this event to follow" interconnections stretch below the surface layer of the game, in a thick tangled rootlike mess. Some gamers devote months or even years of time to root out these systems and post the cause-and-effect triggers up on the internet for all to see.
The complicated webwork structure of a properly-made modern JRPG is beautiful and fascinating. It's a miracle of programming that it ever works correctly.
This is the reason why I'm talking to a giant cockney sphere of a chicken and I have NO IDEA HOW THIS IS HAPPENING.
How did I get to this point? I had stopped off in Jahara to turn in a hunt mark, only to find everyone staring at this chickenball. "You can talk to these, can't you? Do something!" one villager demanded. ... Wait, what? I can? ... I can. They're all so BRITISH. Why are the chickens BRITISH?
WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY WORLD?
Rustling through my inventory, I find an item I dimly recall picking up waaay back when I was fighting the Gil Snapper and getting lovable Larsa super stoned. A "Feather of the Flock", which tells me that ever since picking it up I've felt a "special bond" with these spherical balloonie-things. I HAVE? Seriously? ... Well, golly, game. If you say so. I dimly remember that there's a big batch of the floaters out on Giza Plains, in the Nomad Village. I derp off that way to see if someone will explain to me what in the name of crunchberries I am supposed in the middle of doing.
Indeed, at the village there is SADNESS because all their cockatrices escaped. And... and that's it. That's all the information I get, besides "Look for them in cities and villages! Anywhere with people!" ... Okay, I guess that is an event that will transpire, is that I'll... run all over the map aimlessly looking for chicken balls.
In every single town.
Throughout the entire game.
Ha ha yeah no. HI HO GAMEFAQS AWAAAAY~~
Armed with a list of where the cockatri are, I head first to Rabanastre. Because it's like right there. This first one sees me coming and sprints off at top speed. The big chase runs in huge circles for a while, until I realize I literally cannot catch him when he's running that way. Time to get smart. Vaan carefully stalks after it, hiding behind pillars and in alcoves, until finally... he pounces! ...and the little jerk runs away before I can grab him. Repeat this about thirty, forty times, until I finally get it to stick. It turns out, "Renn" the cockatrice was gripped by INTENSE paranoia! Thus why he was running away.
It also turns out he wants a mate.
...special bond EW NO NO NO NO NO oh okay not me. What he wants is "Chit". I look this up and find that she's another, different cockatrice who went off to stay in Viera lands. Oh-kaaay we hop a transport crystal to Eruyt. I love how they were all "GET OUT OF OUR VILLAGE" but any time a sidequest pops up in Bunnylandia I can just TROT through the middle of their town all lah-dee-dee. I also notice for the first time that Viera wardens wear a helmet that completely covers their eyes and only leaves their mouth uncovered. This, uhm... throws me a little. So much so I stroll right back the cockatrice here and have to walk back.
Chit the cockatrice lady is pondering Mjrn. She wants to help the viera as she seems rather depressed. Close by I find a shiny rock, and Chit demands I find a bunch more to give Mjrn as gifts. So... I do! Whee. This leads to a pretty necklace of various pebbles being made, and Chit trots off back to Giza. I head back to Rabanastre to tell Renn the good news and he too departs.
All right, what about the one in Jahara that started this whole mess? I hop another teleporter to pop out there. (Man, I am getting low-ish on teleport crystals. I hope there is an alternate source for these.) She quite likes the masks of the Garif people. (So do I.) I report this to the guy next to her. Okay! Then I try again. The pudgy avian is from the Giza Plains? What a long trip! I should tell the Greatchief there is a visitor from so far away! So I do, and the Greatchief passes along a treasured gift to be given to the visitor. ... The cockatrice is just as baffled by this as I am, but cheerfully trots off home to pass the gift along to the Nomad Chief.
You know, I'm kind of really liking this subplot. Cockatrices are apparently people too.
Okay, next up... *FAQ FAQ FAQ* The South Bank village. I bloop out there, and oh hey, it's that puzzle where you have to get a bag of grain over a river without letting it eat your wolf, and then throw a sheep into the river and leave. Or... something. Also someone wants me to get them a fishing rod but I think that's unrelated. Anyway, most versions of this puzzle include a stipulation that you can't leave any of them alone, for whatever reason. This puzzle lacks that stipulation, so it becomes just taking one thing at a time across until all three are over. Then Robert becomes your father's brother and there you have it.
The thing is, this is set up as "There is a cockatrice in the village. It is afraid of this dog. But it wants to cross the river." Yet, crossing the river with just the cockatrice doesn't work, for... REASONS??? ... so you have to take some kid across too? ... because... he owns the dog and can control it? But if he can do that, what the hell is the purpose of taking him with me?
I feel like this puzzle is underexplained.
Also the people here can talk to cockatrices without needing a feather. Is this a Dumbo situation, where the power to communicate with blimps shaped like poultry was INSIDE ME ALL ALONG and the feather is just a prop? Also, spoilers for Dumbo. Sorry.
...anyway once he gets there, he proposes to a human woman. She is kind of nonplussed. I don't really blame her. She lets him down gently, and he runs back home to plan for the wedding, so I guess she was a little too gentle.
Man, I... this game...
Okay, let's just keep this rolling. Next I go to Archades and there's some more running around to spread more information, until I earn enough slices of wood to trade up for a PREMIUM slice of wood. This ends up taking me like three and a half hours because you need SO MANY CHOPS OF WOOD. Remember when I said this could carry a game by itself? I'm not sure of that anymore. Maybe if it were MORE INTERESTING than talking to everyone in a city block and playing Memory with their dipshit factoids.
Not that I am bitter.
Anyway, this gets me into RICH PERSON LAND THEME PARK, where I tell the cockatrice there that there are others out there in Oldtown and she wanders off to bang him senseless or something. Whee-hoo. One left.
I hop a flight to Balfonheim, and on the way deliver a letter to Chief Steward "Carryl". Your name is spelled silly, ma'am, but I'm not here to judge. Three remain. I make a brother check. This one's a jerk too.
Out in Balfonheim, the local cockatrice is pretending to be a chocobo. ... Okay, yeah, sure. Whatever. I get a local moogle to hire him for a rental-ride, and off they go back to Giza. The cockatrice is less than pleased by this.
Anyway, that being the last one, I get my reward of two SUPER ETHERS (Larsa, where are you now?) and some cheerful hellos from the various cluckospheres. Thank goodness. I'm gonna miss you, uhm... mostly girls. But I REALLY must be moving on.
Okay, NEXT TIME SERIOUSLY -- More plot. Totally. I swear.
Now... I want to talk for a moment about the scale and scope of games like Final Fantasy 12.
One thing that doesn't really get brought up a lot is just how complex and complicated the underlying systems of a really good RPG are. Sure, you have the surface layer of plot and characterization, but underneat the visible structure is a whole mess of interconnected triggers and flag-settings. Has the player been to this city? That's a potential flag. Spoken with Townsperson #446? That's another potential flag. Been to that city BUT not talked to the townsperson? Flagflag. Picked up some item somewhere? So flagged.
Hundreds of thousands of "if the player has done this event, then trigger this event to follow" interconnections stretch below the surface layer of the game, in a thick tangled rootlike mess. Some gamers devote months or even years of time to root out these systems and post the cause-and-effect triggers up on the internet for all to see.
The complicated webwork structure of a properly-made modern JRPG is beautiful and fascinating. It's a miracle of programming that it ever works correctly.
This is the reason why I'm talking to a giant cockney sphere of a chicken and I have NO IDEA HOW THIS IS HAPPENING.
How did I get to this point? I had stopped off in Jahara to turn in a hunt mark, only to find everyone staring at this chickenball. "You can talk to these, can't you? Do something!" one villager demanded. ... Wait, what? I can? ... I can. They're all so BRITISH. Why are the chickens BRITISH?
WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY WORLD?
Rustling through my inventory, I find an item I dimly recall picking up waaay back when I was fighting the Gil Snapper and getting lovable Larsa super stoned. A "Feather of the Flock", which tells me that ever since picking it up I've felt a "special bond" with these spherical balloonie-things. I HAVE? Seriously? ... Well, golly, game. If you say so. I dimly remember that there's a big batch of the floaters out on Giza Plains, in the Nomad Village. I derp off that way to see if someone will explain to me what in the name of crunchberries I am supposed in the middle of doing.
Indeed, at the village there is SADNESS because all their cockatrices escaped. And... and that's it. That's all the information I get, besides "Look for them in cities and villages! Anywhere with people!" ... Okay, I guess that is an event that will transpire, is that I'll... run all over the map aimlessly looking for chicken balls.
In every single town.
Throughout the entire game.
Ha ha yeah no. HI HO GAMEFAQS AWAAAAY~~
Armed with a list of where the cockatri are, I head first to Rabanastre. Because it's like right there. This first one sees me coming and sprints off at top speed. The big chase runs in huge circles for a while, until I realize I literally cannot catch him when he's running that way. Time to get smart. Vaan carefully stalks after it, hiding behind pillars and in alcoves, until finally... he pounces! ...and the little jerk runs away before I can grab him. Repeat this about thirty, forty times, until I finally get it to stick. It turns out, "Renn" the cockatrice was gripped by INTENSE paranoia! Thus why he was running away.
It also turns out he wants a mate.
...special bond EW NO NO NO NO NO oh okay not me. What he wants is "Chit". I look this up and find that she's another, different cockatrice who went off to stay in Viera lands. Oh-kaaay we hop a transport crystal to Eruyt. I love how they were all "GET OUT OF OUR VILLAGE" but any time a sidequest pops up in Bunnylandia I can just TROT through the middle of their town all lah-dee-dee. I also notice for the first time that Viera wardens wear a helmet that completely covers their eyes and only leaves their mouth uncovered. This, uhm... throws me a little. So much so I stroll right back the cockatrice here and have to walk back.
Chit the cockatrice lady is pondering Mjrn. She wants to help the viera as she seems rather depressed. Close by I find a shiny rock, and Chit demands I find a bunch more to give Mjrn as gifts. So... I do! Whee. This leads to a pretty necklace of various pebbles being made, and Chit trots off back to Giza. I head back to Rabanastre to tell Renn the good news and he too departs.
All right, what about the one in Jahara that started this whole mess? I hop another teleporter to pop out there. (Man, I am getting low-ish on teleport crystals. I hope there is an alternate source for these.) She quite likes the masks of the Garif people. (So do I.) I report this to the guy next to her. Okay! Then I try again. The pudgy avian is from the Giza Plains? What a long trip! I should tell the Greatchief there is a visitor from so far away! So I do, and the Greatchief passes along a treasured gift to be given to the visitor. ... The cockatrice is just as baffled by this as I am, but cheerfully trots off home to pass the gift along to the Nomad Chief.
You know, I'm kind of really liking this subplot. Cockatrices are apparently people too.
Okay, next up... *FAQ FAQ FAQ* The South Bank village. I bloop out there, and oh hey, it's that puzzle where you have to get a bag of grain over a river without letting it eat your wolf, and then throw a sheep into the river and leave. Or... something. Also someone wants me to get them a fishing rod but I think that's unrelated. Anyway, most versions of this puzzle include a stipulation that you can't leave any of them alone, for whatever reason. This puzzle lacks that stipulation, so it becomes just taking one thing at a time across until all three are over. Then Robert becomes your father's brother and there you have it.
The thing is, this is set up as "There is a cockatrice in the village. It is afraid of this dog. But it wants to cross the river." Yet, crossing the river with just the cockatrice doesn't work, for... REASONS??? ... so you have to take some kid across too? ... because... he owns the dog and can control it? But if he can do that, what the hell is the purpose of taking him with me?
I feel like this puzzle is underexplained.
Also the people here can talk to cockatrices without needing a feather. Is this a Dumbo situation, where the power to communicate with blimps shaped like poultry was INSIDE ME ALL ALONG and the feather is just a prop? Also, spoilers for Dumbo. Sorry.
...anyway once he gets there, he proposes to a human woman. She is kind of nonplussed. I don't really blame her. She lets him down gently, and he runs back home to plan for the wedding, so I guess she was a little too gentle.
Man, I... this game...
Okay, let's just keep this rolling. Next I go to Archades and there's some more running around to spread more information, until I earn enough slices of wood to trade up for a PREMIUM slice of wood. This ends up taking me like three and a half hours because you need SO MANY CHOPS OF WOOD. Remember when I said this could carry a game by itself? I'm not sure of that anymore. Maybe if it were MORE INTERESTING than talking to everyone in a city block and playing Memory with their dipshit factoids.
Not that I am bitter.
Anyway, this gets me into RICH PERSON LAND THEME PARK, where I tell the cockatrice there that there are others out there in Oldtown and she wanders off to bang him senseless or something. Whee-hoo. One left.
I hop a flight to Balfonheim, and on the way deliver a letter to Chief Steward "Carryl". Your name is spelled silly, ma'am, but I'm not here to judge. Three remain. I make a brother check. This one's a jerk too.
Out in Balfonheim, the local cockatrice is pretending to be a chocobo. ... Okay, yeah, sure. Whatever. I get a local moogle to hire him for a rental-ride, and off they go back to Giza. The cockatrice is less than pleased by this.
Anyway, that being the last one, I get my reward of two SUPER ETHERS (Larsa, where are you now?) and some cheerful hellos from the various cluckospheres. Thank goodness. I'm gonna miss you, uhm... mostly girls. But I REALLY must be moving on.
Okay, NEXT TIME SERIOUSLY -- More plot. Totally. I swear.
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Date: 2012-12-20 10:26 pm (UTC)--damn bunni
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Date: 2012-12-20 11:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-21 01:01 pm (UTC)