Final Fantasy 12 IHOP - Binging To Glory
Dec. 5th, 2012 04:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xyzzysqrlLast time, Balthier deflected an armor-piercing question and we learned absolutely nothing about Nethicite, but DID pick up Larsa the adorable little Imperial Heir.
On the way out of the Garif village, the War-Chief stops us by the door. He passes along a bow and arrows... not very good ones, but it's the thought that matters... and a token for a free Chocobo ride if we want one. Then he waves g'bye. So... Garif status: PRETTY AWESOME. I approve of these folk and I liked hanging out with them. I'm hoping we see them again somewhere!
A little further down the road, Vaan admits that he "had a good feeling". Larsa agrees, "This is the way." Did I stick in a copy of Final Fantasy Tactics by mistake? No, it's just the kids playing around while the adults talk political matters. Ashe is trying to reconcile the idea of declaring a white peace with the idea of REALLY not liking Vayne and the Empire. Basch thinks it may be hard on her... and him! ... but it will ultimately be good for Dalmasca.
"If I could protect but one person from war's horrors, I would bear any shame. I would bear it proudly." Basche says, in what is probably his most defining character quote of the whole game. Like, that's what they'll put in the dust jacket when he writes his memoirs.
What follows is a cut-away to several of the Imperial Judges plotting about shit. There's some stuff in there about how Vayne had two of his brothers declared "traitors" and executed, and their actual guilt is in question. There's some stuff about how Larsa wouldn't make the kind of "puppet" the senate wants in power, but he WOULD be an excellent ruler. There's a little stuff about the... war? I think...
I can't concentrate on any of this because EVERY TIME a new Judge walks on screen, their armor and helmets are TWICE AS RIDICULOUS as the one who came before them, and they just keep walking in. By the end I am just laughing hysterically. They could have one of these guys walk on screen and explain how to beat the end boss with no difficulty and I would be howling with laughter too hard to understand them. "How do you SEE? How do you WALK? Do all the bends and twists trap atmosphere from your home planet? Are you getting enough oxygen?" ALL QUESTIONS THAT DEMAND ANSWERS.
But not today.
As I am tooling around, doing my customary grindings and fightings and stealings around the Ozmone Plain, I discover quite by accident while rooting around in the menus that Larsa has the "Bubble" spell. I dimly recall that a friend of mine told me to watch out for that spell, and upon investigation I see why. "Bubble" is a magical spell that doubles your maximum hit points. A somewhat fragile 1000 becomes 2000. The somewhat mightly 2500 on my more heavily armored characters becomes 5000. And so on.
Larsa.
Larsa Larsa Larsa.
I realize you are twelve years old and also a video game character, but I want to MARRY you. Pretty please do not betray us.
Or at the very least, do not betray us until I've used your ridiculous magical superpowers to kill a bunch of difficult Mark targets.
LET'S GO DO THAT RIGHT NOW.
Enkelados
This is a spicy dish of corn tortila stuffed with various fillings and ... I'm sorry, wait.
The Enkelados is a giant rock monster that's been terrorizing the Garif. The Garif who posted the bill was kind of let down to see a human show up and take on the challenge. With Larsa bubbling the party, Penelo protect/shelling, and Ashe and Vaan attacking from in close and afar respectively, this fight was a bit tough but ultimately not a huge challenge. Penelo cast "disable" towards the end of the fight when it started to spam spin-kicks wildly, and that stopped it from even putting up a fight as we defeated it.
The Garif who posted the bill later admitted he mostly wanted to see what a "Mark Hunter" looked like. He was let down when a human showed up, yes... but we proved that in spite of what we look like, we've got it where it counts.
ENKELADOS ELIMINATED.
Gil Snapper
Getting to this guy turns out to be the really hard party, as it takes lots of kicking trees into the lake, and there's six trees to kick, and there's always that ONE that you can't find where you end up running in huge circles around the entire area trying to figure out what you've missed...
Sooner or later, we home in and boot wood into water, and then we can cross to the Arena of Turtle Power. (Not its real name.) A fellow from the Clan meets us there to help fight the turtle, proving that they're... actually DOING stuff out there. Huh! Maybe Vaan should rep all [CC]VaanTheSupreme when he's out and about after all.
Then again. Maybe not. As I'm preparing for the big battle, I notice there's a lot of treasure chests with nice expensive items around the area, so I run around gathering those. Then Larsa steps on an "MP Drain" trap. ... Oh dear. He has no magic. Bubble is magic. I need Bubble. What to do?
Poor Larsa does the battle with Gil Snapper -stoned out of his brain- on so much Ether I'm pretty sure he could fly that turtle to the moon. I'm sorry, Larsa. This is probably terribly illegal. Just keep breathing the fumes and buffing the party. There we go. That's a good boy. I continue feeling guilty about this even after we've won the day and gotten a handshake from the big fellow the guild sent along.
Oh my god I hope there's no drug control officers on duty back in the city. Let's get you to an inn to come down, Larsa.
GIL SNAPPER STOMPED.
Marilith
Remember this? The one I wouldn't talk about? That's because I got STOMPED ON by a SNAKE. How does that happen? SNAKES DON'T HAVE FEET. But this one completely crushed me under its nonexistant feets. They were epic feets, too. Even if they didn't exi-- You know what, I'm just gonna go fight this thing.
As it happens, the damn thing nearly crushes me again. Or, more accurately, when it hits low health it starts spamming "Tail Spear" and just impaling people on its hinder. We squeak by with two people left alive. Well, uh... time to bring the Imperial Heir to the Throne back from the dead.
Is this child abuse? This is child abuse, isn't it?
MARILITH MASSACRED.
Finally we're down to one target.
White Mou--
No. I sissy out. I don't have the equipment or the levels to handle that right now. But soon. Soooooon.
Upon returning to Clan Centurio HQ, Montblanc promotes me several times, kupo! It seems I've been doing good work. I also get a big crate of various clan supplies to use out in the field. Looking through them, I find a bunch of nice healing items ... and several ethers. I glance around the Clan Hall nervously. The moogle knows. I think in a blind panic. The moogle knows. They all know. And none of them care. What den of depravity have I fallen into?
Then I discover that at this rank, the Clan Store will just... SELL Ether to me. No questions asked. Well. Load up the trunk and let's commit some more felonies, we have a war to stop.
NEXT TIME: The Road toBat Country Holy Mt. Bur-Omisace.
On the way out of the Garif village, the War-Chief stops us by the door. He passes along a bow and arrows... not very good ones, but it's the thought that matters... and a token for a free Chocobo ride if we want one. Then he waves g'bye. So... Garif status: PRETTY AWESOME. I approve of these folk and I liked hanging out with them. I'm hoping we see them again somewhere!
A little further down the road, Vaan admits that he "had a good feeling". Larsa agrees, "This is the way." Did I stick in a copy of Final Fantasy Tactics by mistake? No, it's just the kids playing around while the adults talk political matters. Ashe is trying to reconcile the idea of declaring a white peace with the idea of REALLY not liking Vayne and the Empire. Basch thinks it may be hard on her... and him! ... but it will ultimately be good for Dalmasca.
"If I could protect but one person from war's horrors, I would bear any shame. I would bear it proudly." Basche says, in what is probably his most defining character quote of the whole game. Like, that's what they'll put in the dust jacket when he writes his memoirs.
What follows is a cut-away to several of the Imperial Judges plotting about shit. There's some stuff in there about how Vayne had two of his brothers declared "traitors" and executed, and their actual guilt is in question. There's some stuff about how Larsa wouldn't make the kind of "puppet" the senate wants in power, but he WOULD be an excellent ruler. There's a little stuff about the... war? I think...
I can't concentrate on any of this because EVERY TIME a new Judge walks on screen, their armor and helmets are TWICE AS RIDICULOUS as the one who came before them, and they just keep walking in. By the end I am just laughing hysterically. They could have one of these guys walk on screen and explain how to beat the end boss with no difficulty and I would be howling with laughter too hard to understand them. "How do you SEE? How do you WALK? Do all the bends and twists trap atmosphere from your home planet? Are you getting enough oxygen?" ALL QUESTIONS THAT DEMAND ANSWERS.
But not today.
As I am tooling around, doing my customary grindings and fightings and stealings around the Ozmone Plain, I discover quite by accident while rooting around in the menus that Larsa has the "Bubble" spell. I dimly recall that a friend of mine told me to watch out for that spell, and upon investigation I see why. "Bubble" is a magical spell that doubles your maximum hit points. A somewhat fragile 1000 becomes 2000. The somewhat mightly 2500 on my more heavily armored characters becomes 5000. And so on.
Larsa.
Larsa Larsa Larsa.
I realize you are twelve years old and also a video game character, but I want to MARRY you. Pretty please do not betray us.
Or at the very least, do not betray us until I've used your ridiculous magical superpowers to kill a bunch of difficult Mark targets.
LET'S GO DO THAT RIGHT NOW.
Enkelados
This is a spicy dish of corn tortila stuffed with various fillings and ... I'm sorry, wait.
The Enkelados is a giant rock monster that's been terrorizing the Garif. The Garif who posted the bill was kind of let down to see a human show up and take on the challenge. With Larsa bubbling the party, Penelo protect/shelling, and Ashe and Vaan attacking from in close and afar respectively, this fight was a bit tough but ultimately not a huge challenge. Penelo cast "disable" towards the end of the fight when it started to spam spin-kicks wildly, and that stopped it from even putting up a fight as we defeated it.
The Garif who posted the bill later admitted he mostly wanted to see what a "Mark Hunter" looked like. He was let down when a human showed up, yes... but we proved that in spite of what we look like, we've got it where it counts.
ENKELADOS ELIMINATED.
Gil Snapper
Getting to this guy turns out to be the really hard party, as it takes lots of kicking trees into the lake, and there's six trees to kick, and there's always that ONE that you can't find where you end up running in huge circles around the entire area trying to figure out what you've missed...
Sooner or later, we home in and boot wood into water, and then we can cross to the Arena of Turtle Power. (Not its real name.) A fellow from the Clan meets us there to help fight the turtle, proving that they're... actually DOING stuff out there. Huh! Maybe Vaan should rep all [CC]VaanTheSupreme when he's out and about after all.
Then again. Maybe not. As I'm preparing for the big battle, I notice there's a lot of treasure chests with nice expensive items around the area, so I run around gathering those. Then Larsa steps on an "MP Drain" trap. ... Oh dear. He has no magic. Bubble is magic. I need Bubble. What to do?
Poor Larsa does the battle with Gil Snapper -stoned out of his brain- on so much Ether I'm pretty sure he could fly that turtle to the moon. I'm sorry, Larsa. This is probably terribly illegal. Just keep breathing the fumes and buffing the party. There we go. That's a good boy. I continue feeling guilty about this even after we've won the day and gotten a handshake from the big fellow the guild sent along.
Oh my god I hope there's no drug control officers on duty back in the city. Let's get you to an inn to come down, Larsa.
GIL SNAPPER STOMPED.
Marilith
Remember this? The one I wouldn't talk about? That's because I got STOMPED ON by a SNAKE. How does that happen? SNAKES DON'T HAVE FEET. But this one completely crushed me under its nonexistant feets. They were epic feets, too. Even if they didn't exi-- You know what, I'm just gonna go fight this thing.
As it happens, the damn thing nearly crushes me again. Or, more accurately, when it hits low health it starts spamming "Tail Spear" and just impaling people on its hinder. We squeak by with two people left alive. Well, uh... time to bring the Imperial Heir to the Throne back from the dead.
Is this child abuse? This is child abuse, isn't it?
MARILITH MASSACRED.
Finally we're down to one target.
White Mou--
No. I sissy out. I don't have the equipment or the levels to handle that right now. But soon. Soooooon.
Upon returning to Clan Centurio HQ, Montblanc promotes me several times, kupo! It seems I've been doing good work. I also get a big crate of various clan supplies to use out in the field. Looking through them, I find a bunch of nice healing items ... and several ethers. I glance around the Clan Hall nervously. The moogle knows. I think in a blind panic. The moogle knows. They all know. And none of them care. What den of depravity have I fallen into?
Then I discover that at this rank, the Clan Store will just... SELL Ether to me. No questions asked. Well. Load up the trunk and let's commit some more felonies, we have a war to stop.
NEXT TIME: The Road to
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no subject
Date: 2012-12-05 10:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-06 10:30 am (UTC)Also this game does take place in the same world as final fantasy tactics, so when you say "Did I stick in a copy of Final Fantasy Tactics by mistake?" the answer is MAYBE? It was cool seeing Montblanc in three dee though.
no subject
Date: 2012-12-06 03:52 pm (UTC)