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Last time on Final Fantasy 12 International Zodiac Job Class Edition, we ran the party through Dungeon Module FF12-7 - The Tomb of Lingering Discomfort.

Okay you guys I'm not even gonna lie, I would play the crap out of a Neverwinter Nights/Final Fantasy style game where you build a party of Light Warriors out of various jobs and take them through some randomly generated dungeons and/or player-made modules. "This [Castle]-themed dungeon intended for Light Warriors of level 25-35. Forbidden: Poison / Recommended: Fire" Given that Final Fantasy 1 was basically "Let's kill the entire Monster Manual - The Game", I don't see why that doesn't exist. Maybe someone will make like an iPad game of it or something.

Ashe claimed her birthright in the form of the Dawn Stone and can now transform into Sorcerous Scion Princess Ashe, the blade-wielding magical girl. (This is not true, but should be.)

We also had a bit of audience participation to see who would get the POWER OF SUMMONING. The votes from here and elsewhere, as tallied, ran this way:

Balthier - 1
Ashe - 1
Fran - 1
Basch - 1
"Whoever is funniest" - 1

Accordingly, it goes to Balthier, who will sulk over THIS being his reward from raiding a king's tomb for the rest of his life or until he gets over it. It also unlocks the door for him to cast Libra, which... I guess... I COULD theoretically have made a party that didn't have one person who could cast that in it. So that's... more options. That's good I guess.

Right! Anyway, we're done with the tomb and now Ashe can go back and... step three feet outside the door of the tomb before the Empire shows up with more airships than ANYONE REALLY NEEDS including their flagship, the Leviathan. Fighters swoop down menacingly, and within the space of a single cutscene the entire party is captured. Again.

Okay, who's wearing the tracking beacon in their pants?

Oh look it's Ghis again. He snarks that they left so fast last time he was worried they gave Her Majesty some cause for OFFENSE. I posit that if he wishes to see offense, he should let her have her knife back. He demands that she hand over the Nethicite. Penelo quickly hides the rock Larsa gave her, but that's not what he's talking about. That's just MANUFACTURED nethicite. A pale imitation. What he wants is Deifacted Nethicite. The legacy of the Dynast-King!

While I'm dwelling on what the difference is between the two ("deifacted" = god-made? Hm.) Ghis casually drops another bomb on the party. Vossler's been working for him this entire time, and he's struck up a deal. In exchance for the Dawn Shard, Ashe can -have- her throne back, and rule Dalmasca. All they want is the rock which may possibly be have created by gods and which sucks in magical energy. Surely THAT'S not a bad trade?

Well, how about the throne AND all her friends get to NOT DIE? How about THAT trade?

Ashe makes the trade. "Doctor Cid will be delighted!" Ghis enthuses. "Take them away. They can return to Rabanastre."

Huh. It looks like he actually intends to keep up his half of the bargain. That's nice of him. He passes the stone to an engineer for testing. Meanwhile, the party gets transfered to the airship "Shiva". Vossler is explaining to the princess that he thinks, if they really try, they can continue negotiations with the Empire after she's instated on the throne. Larsa will listen to them, he's trustworthy.

"Who are YOU, Vossler, to talk of TRUST?" Ashe growls at him, and stomps off.

Back with Ghis, his scientists are explaining that because they have no formal equipment to test the stone, they'll be using the ship's drive to run this assessment of its power. Elsewhere, Fran... detects something, and starts to freak out as they put the Dawn Shard into the test tube and slide it in with the engines.

See, this is the part that always made me SLAM MY FACE into the desk. It's the biggest idiot-ball moment of the story so far IMO. Why would you stick a thing that EATS MAGIC into the engine of your MAGICAL AIRSHIP? Anyway, the meters shoot off the charts. Power overwhelming! It's over 7000!

"THE MIST IS BURNING!" Fran declares, as she starts twitching and hyperventilating. I'd like to point out that she's in -another airship entirely- and she can still sense what a goddamn terrible idea this is. As the pressure grows she... well, she goes all ninja and starts kicking helmets off guards and flip-leaping around the room to completely trash everyone in sight.

"I always knew Fran didn't like being tied up." Balthier observes while he's absent-mindedly stripping off his own cuffs. "I just never knew how much."

Okay, look, can we just GET official confirmation that these two are banging each other silly in their off-hours? Can we have that please? No? Grgh.

While the guards are giving thanks that this game is rated T-for-Teen and therefore Fran can't shred them down to the bone, the rest of the party escapes bondage and rushes Vossler down. Vossler appeals to Basch to see where this road will lead. Basch claims he -knows- where this road is going.

Now... sigh. We fight Vossler. Vossler, man. I LEVELED with you. We beat a DRAGON together. Does that count for nothing? ... I guess not. Fran starts this battle in Berserk Mode, which means she kills Vossler's bodyguards while the rest of the party is still running across the room and has him at 75% health by the time they join in with the combat. The two of them basically just trade hits, knocking each other around, while Vaan and Basch snipe from opposite sides of Vossler.

Vossler goes down quick, but luckily someone ejects the entry plug before Fran can eat him.

Meanwhile, back in the airship control room, they WISH they could eject the plug. The nethicite is sucking all the power out of their engines after the initial huge burst, and they're dropping out of the sky. NOBODY COULD HAVE POSSIBLY PREDICTED THIS WOULD HAPPEN. One of the scientists screams about it going critical and a "cascade failure" as he's hit by lightning. Unfortunately I blew the entire reference budget for this entry on that Evangelion sequence, so you'll have to make your own Half Life jokes.

Back on the Shiva, Vossler is still dying, and Basch is still watching. They exchange some words about honor and passing on loyalty and how they have done all they do for Dalmasca and so on. I kind of get the impression that Basch is staying with Vossler as he dies because he knows if their places were swapped, Vossler would do the same for him. Eventually, though, even he has to leave.

Just in time too. The entire party crams into the smallest escape ship in the world and buggers off as the Leviathan first implodes, then violently explodes. So does every other ship in the entire fleet. Goodbye, 8th Imperial Fleet. Your leader was a goddamn moron, even if he was also Zaphod Beeblebrox. (...Wait, "Even if"?)

For the moment I'm thinking of the spherical Dawn Shard as the Idiot Ball.

With the Mist inside it released, the Dawn Shard kind of... floats there for a while, then drops, and the party turns back to reclaim it.

Great. Ashe is now CARRYING the Idiot Ball. This'll go well.

We then get a speech from the memoirs of Ondore about how he decided now was a great time to get the fuck out of Bhujerba and start gathering together the rebels, what with the major imperial fleet destroyed and everyone confused and flailing and all. "Lady Ashe", he continues, "made her return to Dalmasca."

She does NOT, however, show off her princesshood. Since everyone thinks she's dead, revealing who she really is would kind of torpedo Ondore's attempts to get a resistance together AND it would drag aggro from the Empire the likes of which had never been seen. And they had more military besides just the eighth fleet, y'know?

There's an FMV of like... hover-trains and hover-cars and really pretty buildings and shit, too. Just in case the white text on a black screen that was Ondore's memoirs BORED you and you needed visual stimulation because you're INCAPABLE OF FOCUSING A THOUGHT left to your own devices, MTV Kid.

It's shiny! I'm glad it was in there.

Back in the Council Room of the Archadian Empire (those are the bad guys, the one Vayne works for) a bunch of old bearded men muse about plots and shit. They're worried about Rozarria invading, but not particularly concerned about Dalmasca. Instead they decide that this is all Vayne's fault for deploying their fleet so wantonly, and decide to call him in front of the Senate for a scolding. Why can't Vayne be a NICE boy, like Larsa?

Guys, at this point I am expecting Larsa to SECRETLY BE SATAN, for all the love he's getting over how nice he is.

Elsewhere, Ashe is still seeing visions of Rasler. Uhm, is that... is that normal? I mean... she doesn't ACT crazy. Just bloodthirsty and murderous sometimes. And that's mostly me giving her all the stabbing weapons ever. Her vision vanishes when Vaan shows up. They're back in Rabanastre, and the party is trying to figure out just what happened. Basch knows the score, he's seen this happen before in Nabudia. When the Imperials entered the city, there was a huge explosion. It was the Midlight shard. (Not the MIDNIGHT shard, like I thought. Shit.)

The party has a new goal: This Nethicite is dangerous stuff. The Empire has too much of it. Ashe will use the Nethicite Dawn Shard as her weapon, and DESTROY THE EMPIRE!

Vaan looks curious. "Do you know how to use it?"
"...uh. I..." Ashe is completely baffled for a moment.

Fran chips in her suggestion: The Garif tribe, who know all about magicite. Perhaps they'll know how nethicite works. Balthier agrees to take the party to them, as long as Ashe gives up... ooh, her wedding ring. "I'll give it back when I find something more valuable." Ashe seems -nonplussed- to know that her royal wedding ring is considered collateral. Or maybe it's just giving it away at all. Yes, probably that second one.

"What do you mean, something more valuable?" Vaan asks.
"I'll know it when I see it. What about YOU, Vaan? What are you looking for?" Balthier wonders.

"I... ah. I'm looking for... ah. Uhm. Er. I... Uhh..."

One by one the party walks out to depart for a grand adventure, leaving Vaan awkwardly trying to articulate a justification for his continued existence to an empty room.

FINAL FANTASY 12, EVERYBODY!

Next Time: Probably another twelve paragraphs about nothing in particular.

Date: 2012-12-04 12:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] read-alicia.livejournal.com
"It's the biggest idiot-ball moment of the story so far IMO"

I bet that was the moment right after Matsuno left the production :(

Also, please give major props to Alexander O. for his team's magnificent translation. He really elevated this game.

Also, please give super huge props to Hiroyuki Itō, the producer who made all the changes for the Zodiac International version with a skeleton crew of five people.

Finally, a bit of trivia - Judge Ghis is voiced by the original Zaphod Beeblebrox himself, Mark Wing-Davey.
Edited Date: 2012-12-04 12:44 am (UTC)

Date: 2012-12-04 02:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] read-alicia.livejournal.com
BALTHIER: What is it now, Vaan?
VAAN: Sir, I believe I may have a cunning plan.
BALTHIER: All right. Against my better judgement, I'm going to let you say it.
VAAN: Sir, the Empire is after the Deifacted Nethicite, but even if we get it for them, they plan to murder us in our sleep and sell our entrails in one of Mrs. Miggin's delicious pies.
BALTHIER: That'll just be me, Vaan. You'll be Chocochow.
VAAN: So, I was thinking that this Magicite chunk we have makes magic, and the Nethicite eats it; again, like one of Mrs. Miggin's delicious pies. I say that when we have the Nethicite, we should make a daring run for the capital, smash into the Emporer's privy while he is inside, and threaten to bash the Nethicite into the Magicite, thus rendering both useless, unless he gives in to our simple demand.
BALTHIER: I'm sure he will think it simple.
VAAN: We will ask them for a very large airship, which I will call the Delphinus, but here's the really clever part. We will ask them to make it look like a continent.
BALTHIER: A flying continent.
VAAN: Yes, and you'll never believe where I got the idea from.
BALTHIER: Yes, well, before we descend down that dreadful pit of perverted logic, let us consider the fact that an airship needs fuel, which is only obtainable from a skyport. And skyports are not known for having space for, nor being able to service, continents.
VAAN: We could say we were stopping by on holiday.
BALTHIER: Of course. A previously undiscovered continent stops by and asks for ten tonnes of fuel, with a nudge nudge wink wink not to tell the Empire.
VAAN: Of course. If it was a discovered continent, they'd know where to look.
BALTHIER: Even though they were the ones who gave us the bloody Delphinus.
VAAN: We could ask them to forget they'd done it.
BALTHIER: Of course.
VAAN: Penelo says I forget all sorts of things and I figure it's not just me who does it.
BALTHIER: Then I bow to your fine wisdom, Vaan. Your plan is as shipshape and airproof as... say, is that a Mark's board over there?
VAAN: It is, sir! Bless my wispy muttonchops. I plan to grow muttonchops some day, sir.
BALTHIER: Of course. Why don't you bring me the Mark with the most numbers after it, and we'll go strike it down!
VAAN: You've made me the happiest boy alive, sir! I completely forgot what I was going on about.
BALTHIER: Splendid.
VAAN: Here one called "Carrot"! Oh sir, I have a cunning plan. Your Fran's a rabbit, isn't she?
BALTHIER: Why do I even bother.

Date: 2012-12-04 10:02 pm (UTC)
rowyn: (downcast)
From: [personal profile] rowyn
Aww, poor Vaan. You stop being the main character and nobody cares about you any more.

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