Delicious Fruity Bars - Nancy Drew: Haunting at Castle Malloy

[xyzzysqrl]

Okay, here's the thing about fifteen-block slider puzzles and the Towers of Hanoi puzzle. They're done. They're -over-. There's probably new twists you can put on them, but nobody IS. The Towers of Hanoi was popularized in 1833 by a French mathmatician named somethingorother Lucas. He posited that somewhere (POSSIBLY HANOI) there was a temple with a 64-disc version. Monks were working full time to solve it. When they finally did, the universe would end. Most versions of the puzzle have three, five, seven or nine discs, the one in Castle Malloy has seven. Mathmaticians have devised a formula and a number of algorithms that solve the Towers.

NONE OF THAT IS EXCITING. IN ANY WAY. The original point of the story was that it would take nearly forever, literally until the end of the world, to solve one. Fewer discs makes for an easier puzzle but it's still BORING AS HELL. After your first one, maybe two times solving this thing, after you've encountered it and futzed with it and worked out the gimmick, you don't feel smart anymore when you get one out of the way, you feel RELIEF that it's FUCKING FINISHED. Your reward for doing a Towers of Hanoi is that they TAKE IT THE FUCK AWAY WHEN YOU'RE DONE. It's a dull, irritating stock puzzle, on the level of that one puzzle where you have to get a fox across a river without it eating the grain or letting a chicken eat the fox, or the one where you have to pour four liters of water into a five liter jug using a three liter cup while learning about racism from Samuel L. Jackson.

We've implemented those puzzles in so many games, so many places, so many ways, that we NO LONGER NEED TO DO IT. I am PRETTY SURE any of the past 69,015 version will work JUST FINE to introduce it to someone who hasn't encountered it before.

In conclusion, AAAAAAAAAAAAUGH. Thank you.

Also I solved the one in Castle Malloy while I was writing that rant. 127 moves. Tedious. Pointless. I learned nothing new.

For the record, though, you guys might not know how to solve one. In that case, I point you at this website which I stumbled on a few years back. If you had a microphone in our apartment, you've have heard me droning away. "Move disc one to the left. Move disc two. Move disc one to the left. Move disc three. Move disc one to the left. Move disc two. Move disc one to the left AND MOVE A BIG DISC!" over and over as I worked through that Tower. It never fails. It's just MINDLESS.

Moving on.

Doing that connected an electrical current... uhm, somewhere... and charged up a small battery-powered lantern for me. It's nice to see that there's going to be a strong relationship between cause and effect in this game. Anyway, I then turn my attention to that puzzle with all the gears. This one LOOKS easy, which I wonder about. Some experimentation, however, and a choice comment from the BF as he wanders by, makes me squint and count. The -box- says 10 and 10, but there's a total of nine small gears and nine large gears. I'm going to need to find two more gears somewhere for this actually be a solvable puzzle. INVALID SURVEY.

Let's see...

Gears Puzzle: Unsolvable. Need two more gears.
La Lapin Bleu, Binary Conversion Chart: I believe these are related, but I don't know where to input any information got this way and I refuse to go around converting things to binary JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE THERE. C'mon, man.
Darts, Difference Detective: There are two more prizes in the box for winning at these. I should check what they are.
Dollhouse: Need more dolls.
Weights Puzzle: Not entirely sure what the goal is yet (balance, probably), 8/9 weights collected.
Rainbow Jewels: Need to get one more jewel.
Slider Puzzle: Need a missing piece.

Are we sensing a THEME here? I am. All these bits and bobs are missing from various puzzles, and you know, I kind of respect that. This is an old castle. Things fall apart, get lost, and end up in arcade machines as prizes. I elect to make one more round of conversation with Kyler and Kit before walking back to the inn and playing some more darts.

Kyler wants to ask Nancy a favor! She has this old CYMK printing press, and she needs three more wedding invitations printed out... Nancy of course agrees at once. Everybody want a little somethin' from the Nancemaster. Down in the printing press, Nancy finds a metal sheet with 01000011 printed on it. I don't speak computer, unfortunately, so I set it aside and get to work on printing invitations. This is fairly easy. Nancy slaps down some black ink, puts some paper in the machine, runs it briefly, and checks the results. ... Curiously, while the Maid of Honor is listed as Nancy Drew, and all the other names seem right, one "Alan Paine" is listed as the Best Man. Nobody's mentioned an Alan Paine. Isn't Kit supposed to be...? HMMMMM.

Rather than ask Kit directly, I skirt past him and go ask Kyler. As it turns out, Alan is the Best Man, who walked out when Matt the Groom did. He's staying back in London until Matt shows up again. Kyler passes along Alan's phone number, just in case he has any information that I don't. So... Okay, we've made a little progress on this groovy mystery, I suppose. I'll have to trek down to the inn and give him a call. She also shares a bit more about "Brendan", the last resident of the castle. He was working, supposedly, on some new formula for rocket fuel when the entire thing exploded, killing him, his wife and his daughter. Ouch. That explains why so much of the place is laying in bits. I also ask her about the missing luggage, and she gets baffled. Isn't it in the nursery? She nearly tripped over it last night. Maybe Donal took it to storage.

This is where I would usually play the "River in Egypt" card, except that... y'know, I'm finding Kyler a LOT more trustworthy than Kit. Maybe it's the way Kit's erection threatens to EXPLODE OUT OF HIS PANTS when he thinks about prefabricated suburban neighborhood development on Malloy family land. Speaking of Kit, I trot down and ask him about the best man thing. "Eh, Alan's a guy Matt knows from work. It was a good career move if he asked him instead of me. So... y'know. No big deal."

I don't know if I like Matt very much, from the way the stories about him are adding up.

Anyway, I step outside to visit the Inn again. As I walk out the door, Nancy stops to look up at the tower, the one I can't get to because exploded staircase. Lights are flashing on and off and there are quiet "pfew!" noises whistling from the window. "I've got to get up there somehow." Nancy muses. I AGREE. That's some suspicious-looking ... whatever it is. I stop again on my way to the Inn as I discover the purpose of the lantern. Before, all the inky dark spots on the top-down "world map" were inaccessable barriers. With the electric lamp, however, Nancy's a lot more willing to explore. Excellent. Now she's defended against Grues.

Before exploring, however, I trot off to the Inn to make that phone call to Alan. It's very easy to get distracted and forget what path of inquiry you were running down. I like to pick a goal and stick to it, unless I find it's impossible to accomplish or I get bored.

Alan loves to talk and does a lot of it. Luckily, he confirms a few things I had begun to suspect. While he was there, he heard Kit and Matt fight loudly and semi-publicly in the central hall of the castle, and when Alan next saw Kit, Kit had that black eye he's been sporting. The next morning, Kyler and Matt opened up on each other in a second loud argument, although that one didn't get physical. Alan doesn't contribute much else, but it's really starting to build up that Matt is a far cry from the "Sunny Prankster" everyone's been trying to convince me is missing.

I could call up Bess and Ned at this point, but let's press on a little further. Into the Inn I go.

Donal is asleep at a table inside. Well, given that he's the only major character I haven't pinned down and mercilessly interrogated, let's get that out of the way. He's got a hankering for a Crow's Nest and refuses to leave until he's served one, but "Seamus" (could you BE any more IRISH?) in back is overworked and understaffed. Nancy, of course, offers to pitch in as a Irish barmaid, which I guess... yeah sure what the hell. This takes me to a minigame where the controls are rapidly run down and gone over. Blah blah add solid ingredents then blend... or if there's no blending, find the right glass... read the recipes from this book...

Wait. All the ingredients in this book are, like... "Lime ice cream, soda water, two squirts of pineapple flavor and a strawberry, blend and serve", or "Two cherry soda squirts, vanilla ice cream, ginger beer and a slice of lemon". This is the FRUITIEST BAR IN IRELAND. I mean, it all sounds delicious, but...



Pictured: I am pretty sure an angry mob burns down your bar if you try this shit in actual Ireland.

Maybe it's just that Nancy is a minor and they don't want to go to jail, so they have her manning the... uhm... delicious dessert bar.

...anyway, after giving Donal his... super-fruity-ass ice cream drink in a highball glass... he's more willing to talk. Instantly he starts bad-talking the "sasanach" (trans: Englishman) who got kidnapped by FAERIES. Except they're not called Faeries. That's a slurr. (Irony.) They're the "sidhe" or the "Good People". The Good People also caused the castle to blow up, because the little girl ("Fiona") was too pretty and they wanted to keep her forever. Also they stole Nancy's car keys. He's just remembering that now. Yep. Good People. Nancy opts that the "Good People" actually sound like -real jerks-, and Donal smugly notes that she's not allowed to judge them.

... Seriously, Donal, I am giving you the finger REAL HARD right now. Can you feel this? I'm doing it as HARD AS I CAN.

Donal also informs us that a Banshee likes to wail around the castle since Nancy got there, which means someone is about to die. "Actually, the noises I heard sounded more... mmh, Mechanical?" Nancy offers. "What, are ye an EXPERT on banshees now? IT'S A BANSHEE." Donal snaps. Banshees can also take the form of crows, by the way. "Do Banshees ever leave, like... little dolls behind?" Nancy tries." "They're not SANTA CLAUS." Donal snarks.

Oh, and the reason he hates Matt so much is because he's a nosy sasanach, always poking where he doesn't belong. Or he WAS. Ahaha. Anyway. Kit is also OBVIOUSLY in love with Kyler, and is clearly there to be sure there'll be no wedding, although the Good People had already handled that. They'll match off perfectly, because Kit has some irish blood mixed in among the blend of lesser nationalities.

Donal. BOTH HANDS. TWO FINGERS. ARE YOU FEELIN' THIS, BUDDY?

Ugh. I storm right back out of the inn again. That dude is a -grade A asshole-, no mistake. Right, time to call Bess and George.

*ring ring*

Bess: "Nancy? BEST PARTY EVERRRRR."
George: "In other words, Speedoman has talked to her twice."
Nancy: "Hey, have you guys seen Ned yet?"
George: "...we should tell her."
Bess: "Well, NOW we have to. Nancy, Minkie McNab is here and when she saw Ned and not you, she went STRAIGHT after him. We found him huddled under the buffet table."
Nancy: "Poor Ned. I'll have to offer him some comfort at the start of the next update."
George: "At the what?"
Nancy: "Nevermind. So here's what's been happening..."
*time*
George: "Wow, Nancy. You found the only non-alcoholic pub in Ireland -and- the most racist man alive, all in one go. What's your next trick?"
Nancy: "Finding Matt, hopefully."
Bess: "I really don't know about this whole arrangement. Kit fighting Matt, Kyler fighting Matt, and then Matt goes missing? I'm glad you're there, Nancy."
Nancy: "And I haven't even died yet. Although there was a close call with some stairs."
George: "Yeah, about that whole... explosions thing. Nancy, if there's even a CHANCE something might blow up..."
Nancy: "Cut the blue wire, I know."
Bess: "It's usually the red one."
George: "Bess, that's just what they WANT you to think. Actually most bombs aren't color-coded. I was going to say, leave it alone."
Nancy: "Mmh. Well, I'll try, George, but sometimes bombs look a lot like puzzles to me. And I just have to..."
Bess, George: "WE KNOW."
Nancy: "Anyway, enjoy the party! And try to run interference on Minkie? Ned'll have to change tables eventually."
*click*


Next time, Nancy contacts Ned, plays arcade games, and wanders around in dark places with a brass lantern.

Comments

[iridium-wolf.livejournal.com]

Fruity Oaty Bars?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7idn3PcKBM

[kjorteo]

With a stellar resume with qualifications like "So Irish it physically hurts," Donal used this game as a launching point of his career which would later land in Bruce Balfour's writing.