![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xyzzysqrlWhen we last left Nancy Drew, she had run down every single possible lead I could locate and was reduced to phoning retired ex-mobsters to progress the plot.
Let's do that, then!
Calling Vivian is an -adventure- all by itself, as she answers the phone with "If you're selling something, hang up now. I have an air horn that could deafen a dinosaur and I -will- use it. State your business within ten seconds. Go." and gradually warms up from there. Luckily she seems delighted by the mere fact that someone knows who she is after all these years and is quickly willing to answer Nancy's questions. She never believed Malone actually -had- gold, although he bragged about it a fair bit.
"He said he was making a map, and that he was having paintings made of his dogs. He kept saying that like one had something to do with the other." Apparently there's a way into the Speakeasy from the house... but she has no idea what it is. "The rest of us had to go in through the graveyard." You stuck a key in one of the graves and it opened up some stairs. ... That is kind of awesome. Even more awesome is her offer: She'll trade the old photo Nancy found for her personal key. SHE'S not gonna go back to Moon Lake any day soon, after all. Now that's a deal I can get behind. "Which tomb do you use it in?" Nancy asks. "He had this joke tombstone made with the name of a federal agent on it..." Vivian muses.
Excellent. I promptly head to the ranger station and mail that photo off, and then sleep for like four solid days to pass time. (And in the game, too.)
I'd like to remind you all that Nancy has been living for just over two and a half weeks or so in a log cabin with no running water whatsoever and basically the only food available is from Em's Emporium. Let's charitably assume she eats off screen. The only food on the shelves at Em's are candy bars, canned corn, canned tuna, and something in a green box that I think may be either plant food or cereal. The detective lifestyle is highly glamourous, y'know?
After those four days of sleep, Ranger Akers finally pipes up that there's a package for me from Vegas. It's the key! Luckily, the Ranger doesn't ask -what- key. He just offers to dispose of the packaging so I don't break any litter laws. Screw you, Jeff, I'm goin' gambling. Cemetary, away!
The right tombstone is easy to find. I stick in the key, and... click? Wait. Nothing happens. After a moment, I try poking at the letters on the tombstone, which are obviously meant to slide around. Hmm. I think there's a puzzle here, actually. I'm supposed to change the name to something else to get access. But I can't figure out what name would unlock...
...Oh, that's MATURE, Malone. REAL mature.
Anyway, after that the stairs slide down into the ground and I can enter.
About two feet into the dark tunnel, Nancy's flashlight batteries go dead and I'm forced to turn back. I go back, get in the boat, sail to Emily's, and buy new batteries. Or try to. Em casually notes that Nancy doesn't have any money, then points her to a display rack of soda. "I'd like you to arrange them by color. Make them look like this."
You have fucking got to be fucking kidding me.
She's not fucking kidding.
Oh my god. Okay. These are... stuck in rotatable clumps of six, like a six pack, except nobody would ever buy a six pack that looks like this, and what even is this minigame awaopicddksljksldjf
eventually I wake up, blood on my face, blood on my hands, and the minigame solved. I ask no questions. Lick my ass, Combo Cola. Em hands me a big pile of batteries, which I jam into the flashlight. Let's get the plot back on the road, shall we? Oh wait! FIRST I run through the MAZE back to the graveyard, where I have to do the letter-sliding puzzle again.
Sometimes you ask yourself. You wonder. Nancy, you say, is it worth it? Sure there's the adrenaline high of the murder attempts, but is it worth the tedium, the weeks without a shower or a hot meal, the endless back and forth through tick-infested woodlands? Maybe you could give it all up. George keeps saying she wants to teach you to play sports. George wins all kinds of trophies. Has there ever been a detecting trophy for Ms. Nancy Drew?
Then again, some days you find an old abandoned tunnel to a speakeasy nobody's set foot in since the thirties and realize that yes. It is -totally- worth being Nancy Drew after all.
The place is lavishly, beautifully decorated, complete with those paintings of various dogs that were mentioned. Each one with a different colored collar, each one living it up in their "favorite place". Nancy notes one or two of the places on her map but doesn't recognize the others. I note the collars here: Lucy = Green collar, Xander = Red collar, Vitus = Blue collar and Iggy = Yellow collar.
There is now a puzzle where you carefully pull beer spigots and push buttons to rotate letters around to put each of the dog's first letters next to the color of collar they're wearing. It takes forever for me to work this out. Anyway this opens a door in the TUNNELS so I go back and run through the tunnels and find the door and go through the door and now there are TILES on the WALL and those tiles match the favorite places of the dogs that I couldn't get before so I mark those down and at the very end is the favorite-place map so I SOLVE THAT PUZZLE by telling it where the dogs like to go because I am going to FINISH THIS GAME TONIGHT DANGIT.
I realize I'm moving kind of rapidly here, but EGAD THERE IS SO MUCH WALKING AND CLICKING right now.
Anyway, then THAT wall swings open. I am now
- Under a graveyard
- Inside a secret passage
- Which is inside a secret passage
- Which is inside another secret passage
- Which is connected to a spooky old cabin.
DREWCEPTION.
Anyway behind the wall is... a locked door.
And I don't have a key to it.
...siiiigh. Okay. I go back and explore some more of the tunnels... hearing growling and snarling come ever closer. The sound of something dangerous ahead. Are you ready, guys? Are you prepared? CAN YOUR MIND HANDLE THE TERRIFYING SECRET OF THE GHOST DOGS OF MOON LAKE?!!?
...the secret is that the ghost dogs of moon lake are pretty fuckin' adorable actually. PUPPIES. They are a kennel full of ADORABLE PUPPIES. Around the corner from the kennel I find some pretty modern-looking petcare tools. Lots of dog food, lots of "glow in the dark" toothpaste, a slice of uneaten pizza, chinese food containers, trashy gossip magazines about alien landings and giant roaches... and a diary! Let's see...
...lady, I am kind of with you. And I am more sure than ever that this is Em. I mean... LOOK at that handwriting. No park ranger ever got that flowery with a pen.
Nancy also finds some glowing eye-masks and the speakers from the house. So basically we are in a FULL-COURSE SCOOBY DOO SITUATION. Oh my gosh I really hope it's Em doing all this. She deserves to go to jail for that soda can thing alone.
anyway I jog back and put the key I stole from Em in the locked door and the door opens yey and behind it is a great big water control mechanism for a well, I presume the ARSENIC DEATH WELL. So I solve a puzzle about draining THAT, don't ask me how, I have started just blacking out when a puzzle is on screen and all I remember is that the clock jumped an hour and there was a lot of clicking. I am pretty sure I missed another chance to murder Nancy by opening the well door while it was full of MURDERWATER though. Que sera.
Behind the well vault door is a LADDER and down the ladder is ANOTHER PUZZLE and this one is about the color of the dog collars and what roman numeral their name starts with and I click some shit until it goes away.
ANYWAY. Then the door BEHIND THAT opens, and... SIX HUNDRED POUNDS of gold bars! ...which is like, twelve of them. BUT STILL.
Nancy does not get a lot of time to bask in her newfound wealth, though. The moment she turns around, someone enters above! Oops, we did kinda leave all those puzzle locks wide open, didn't we? It's... it's... YES. IT'S EM! I WAS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING! BOOYAH.
Em, however, is clutching a bone club with intent to kill. (I'm not making this up.) Nancy slams the vault door in her face and turns around to look for an alternate exit. Luckily, there's a drainage grate in the floor. She ducks down that, then pops up in... the next room over. ...Where Em has gotten the vault door open. And is looking for Nancy in the big, wide-open, lockable, Vault...
What do you guys expect? NATURALLY I slam that bastard shut on her and sprint for the ladder. From beneath, Em pleads that there's enough gold for two...
Nancy: "I think I'll leave you to enjoy that gold as long as you can, Em. Bye!" ...and then the doors start slamming shut. Nancy Drew is hardcore.
...okay, she doesn't really leave Em there to rot. She comes back with federal agents. It takes several of them to pry Em out of the room with twelve bricks of solid gold, though...
...and the noise scares off every bird for miles, so Red now wants to kill Nancy too. Me, I'm just pleased to see that I can ruin two people's hobbies as easily as I can one. But not three... When Ranger Aker hears that seven federal cars and two helicopters are on park property, he promptly goes and leaves parking tickets all over them. Man is DEDICATED to his work.
The Ghost Dogs of Moon Lake get adopted by Sally.
They continue to be adorable puppies.
As for Nancy...
Bess: "I can't believe you convinced the Hardy Boys to tell us that you nearly DIED, Nancy!"
Nancy: "What's the big deal? I told you myself when I died twice that one time."
Bess: "It's hardly the same thing. One is... you being... -you- and the other is someone seriously... We were WORRIED!"
Nancy: "Well, I'm sorry. The next time I get killed I'll tell you all about it. Unti-- OH! Did you SEE that? His HEAD came right off! THAT was GREAT! Rewind that!"
George: "Mmh. It doesn't look very realistic to me. I know something about karate, Nancy, and his guard form is atrocious."
Nancy: "You don't need defense when you've mastered the flying guillotine, George."
George: "I think I'm going to stick to judo."
Bess: "So what, after the all-night ninja movie marathon at my house, is next for Ms. Drew?"
Nancy: "I'm thinking I'll relax for a while, Ms. Marvin. Maybe hit an amusement park, or take a vacation."
Bess: "Oh, Nancy. You NEVER -just- go on vacation. There'll be a vengeful spirit..."
George: "Or a pirate treasure..."
Bess: "Or a masked phantom..."
George: "Maybe a haunted castle?"
Nancy: "C'mon, you two. Right now I don't wanna think about any of that. Let's just relax, take in the movies, and consider this a well-earned happy ending."
As will I. Guys! We played a Nancy Drew game together! THAT WAS GREAT! I'm not going to do a full review writeup, because I am the only person who needs to own these games, but that was really fun, you guys. I'm glad you all came with me on that INCREDIBLE JOURNEY into mystery and dog ownership.
But what's next on my plate?
Planes.
See you next time.
(Nancy: "...Wait, are you -really- sharing a bed now? I was kidding!")
Let's do that, then!
Calling Vivian is an -adventure- all by itself, as she answers the phone with "If you're selling something, hang up now. I have an air horn that could deafen a dinosaur and I -will- use it. State your business within ten seconds. Go." and gradually warms up from there. Luckily she seems delighted by the mere fact that someone knows who she is after all these years and is quickly willing to answer Nancy's questions. She never believed Malone actually -had- gold, although he bragged about it a fair bit.
"He said he was making a map, and that he was having paintings made of his dogs. He kept saying that like one had something to do with the other." Apparently there's a way into the Speakeasy from the house... but she has no idea what it is. "The rest of us had to go in through the graveyard." You stuck a key in one of the graves and it opened up some stairs. ... That is kind of awesome. Even more awesome is her offer: She'll trade the old photo Nancy found for her personal key. SHE'S not gonna go back to Moon Lake any day soon, after all. Now that's a deal I can get behind. "Which tomb do you use it in?" Nancy asks. "He had this joke tombstone made with the name of a federal agent on it..." Vivian muses.
Excellent. I promptly head to the ranger station and mail that photo off, and then sleep for like four solid days to pass time. (And in the game, too.)
I'd like to remind you all that Nancy has been living for just over two and a half weeks or so in a log cabin with no running water whatsoever and basically the only food available is from Em's Emporium. Let's charitably assume she eats off screen. The only food on the shelves at Em's are candy bars, canned corn, canned tuna, and something in a green box that I think may be either plant food or cereal. The detective lifestyle is highly glamourous, y'know?
After those four days of sleep, Ranger Akers finally pipes up that there's a package for me from Vegas. It's the key! Luckily, the Ranger doesn't ask -what- key. He just offers to dispose of the packaging so I don't break any litter laws. Screw you, Jeff, I'm goin' gambling. Cemetary, away!
The right tombstone is easy to find. I stick in the key, and... click? Wait. Nothing happens. After a moment, I try poking at the letters on the tombstone, which are obviously meant to slide around. Hmm. I think there's a puzzle here, actually. I'm supposed to change the name to something else to get access. But I can't figure out what name would unlock...
...Oh, that's MATURE, Malone. REAL mature.
Anyway, after that the stairs slide down into the ground and I can enter.
About two feet into the dark tunnel, Nancy's flashlight batteries go dead and I'm forced to turn back. I go back, get in the boat, sail to Emily's, and buy new batteries. Or try to. Em casually notes that Nancy doesn't have any money, then points her to a display rack of soda. "I'd like you to arrange them by color. Make them look like this."
You have fucking got to be fucking kidding me.
She's not fucking kidding.
Oh my god. Okay. These are... stuck in rotatable clumps of six, like a six pack, except nobody would ever buy a six pack that looks like this, and what even is this minigame awaopicddksljksldjf
eventually I wake up, blood on my face, blood on my hands, and the minigame solved. I ask no questions. Lick my ass, Combo Cola. Em hands me a big pile of batteries, which I jam into the flashlight. Let's get the plot back on the road, shall we? Oh wait! FIRST I run through the MAZE back to the graveyard, where I have to do the letter-sliding puzzle again.
Sometimes you ask yourself. You wonder. Nancy, you say, is it worth it? Sure there's the adrenaline high of the murder attempts, but is it worth the tedium, the weeks without a shower or a hot meal, the endless back and forth through tick-infested woodlands? Maybe you could give it all up. George keeps saying she wants to teach you to play sports. George wins all kinds of trophies. Has there ever been a detecting trophy for Ms. Nancy Drew?
Then again, some days you find an old abandoned tunnel to a speakeasy nobody's set foot in since the thirties and realize that yes. It is -totally- worth being Nancy Drew after all.
The place is lavishly, beautifully decorated, complete with those paintings of various dogs that were mentioned. Each one with a different colored collar, each one living it up in their "favorite place". Nancy notes one or two of the places on her map but doesn't recognize the others. I note the collars here: Lucy = Green collar, Xander = Red collar, Vitus = Blue collar and Iggy = Yellow collar.
There is now a puzzle where you carefully pull beer spigots and push buttons to rotate letters around to put each of the dog's first letters next to the color of collar they're wearing. It takes forever for me to work this out. Anyway this opens a door in the TUNNELS so I go back and run through the tunnels and find the door and go through the door and now there are TILES on the WALL and those tiles match the favorite places of the dogs that I couldn't get before so I mark those down and at the very end is the favorite-place map so I SOLVE THAT PUZZLE by telling it where the dogs like to go because I am going to FINISH THIS GAME TONIGHT DANGIT.
I realize I'm moving kind of rapidly here, but EGAD THERE IS SO MUCH WALKING AND CLICKING right now.
Anyway, then THAT wall swings open. I am now
- Under a graveyard
- Inside a secret passage
- Which is inside a secret passage
- Which is inside another secret passage
- Which is connected to a spooky old cabin.
DREWCEPTION.
Anyway behind the wall is... a locked door.
And I don't have a key to it.
...siiiigh. Okay. I go back and explore some more of the tunnels... hearing growling and snarling come ever closer. The sound of something dangerous ahead. Are you ready, guys? Are you prepared? CAN YOUR MIND HANDLE THE TERRIFYING SECRET OF THE GHOST DOGS OF MOON LAKE?!!?
...the secret is that the ghost dogs of moon lake are pretty fuckin' adorable actually. PUPPIES. They are a kennel full of ADORABLE PUPPIES. Around the corner from the kennel I find some pretty modern-looking petcare tools. Lots of dog food, lots of "glow in the dark" toothpaste, a slice of uneaten pizza, chinese food containers, trashy gossip magazines about alien landings and giant roaches... and a diary! Let's see...
...lady, I am kind of with you. And I am more sure than ever that this is Em. I mean... LOOK at that handwriting. No park ranger ever got that flowery with a pen.
Nancy also finds some glowing eye-masks and the speakers from the house. So basically we are in a FULL-COURSE SCOOBY DOO SITUATION. Oh my gosh I really hope it's Em doing all this. She deserves to go to jail for that soda can thing alone.
anyway I jog back and put the key I stole from Em in the locked door and the door opens yey and behind it is a great big water control mechanism for a well, I presume the ARSENIC DEATH WELL. So I solve a puzzle about draining THAT, don't ask me how, I have started just blacking out when a puzzle is on screen and all I remember is that the clock jumped an hour and there was a lot of clicking. I am pretty sure I missed another chance to murder Nancy by opening the well door while it was full of MURDERWATER though. Que sera.
Behind the well vault door is a LADDER and down the ladder is ANOTHER PUZZLE and this one is about the color of the dog collars and what roman numeral their name starts with and I click some shit until it goes away.
ANYWAY. Then the door BEHIND THAT opens, and... SIX HUNDRED POUNDS of gold bars! ...which is like, twelve of them. BUT STILL.
Nancy does not get a lot of time to bask in her newfound wealth, though. The moment she turns around, someone enters above! Oops, we did kinda leave all those puzzle locks wide open, didn't we? It's... it's... YES. IT'S EM! I WAS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING! BOOYAH.
Em, however, is clutching a bone club with intent to kill. (I'm not making this up.) Nancy slams the vault door in her face and turns around to look for an alternate exit. Luckily, there's a drainage grate in the floor. She ducks down that, then pops up in... the next room over. ...Where Em has gotten the vault door open. And is looking for Nancy in the big, wide-open, lockable, Vault...
What do you guys expect? NATURALLY I slam that bastard shut on her and sprint for the ladder. From beneath, Em pleads that there's enough gold for two...
Nancy: "I think I'll leave you to enjoy that gold as long as you can, Em. Bye!" ...and then the doors start slamming shut. Nancy Drew is hardcore.
...okay, she doesn't really leave Em there to rot. She comes back with federal agents. It takes several of them to pry Em out of the room with twelve bricks of solid gold, though...
...and the noise scares off every bird for miles, so Red now wants to kill Nancy too. Me, I'm just pleased to see that I can ruin two people's hobbies as easily as I can one. But not three... When Ranger Aker hears that seven federal cars and two helicopters are on park property, he promptly goes and leaves parking tickets all over them. Man is DEDICATED to his work.
The Ghost Dogs of Moon Lake get adopted by Sally.
They continue to be adorable puppies.
As for Nancy...
Bess: "I can't believe you convinced the Hardy Boys to tell us that you nearly DIED, Nancy!"
Nancy: "What's the big deal? I told you myself when I died twice that one time."
Bess: "It's hardly the same thing. One is... you being... -you- and the other is someone seriously... We were WORRIED!"
Nancy: "Well, I'm sorry. The next time I get killed I'll tell you all about it. Unti-- OH! Did you SEE that? His HEAD came right off! THAT was GREAT! Rewind that!"
George: "Mmh. It doesn't look very realistic to me. I know something about karate, Nancy, and his guard form is atrocious."
Nancy: "You don't need defense when you've mastered the flying guillotine, George."
George: "I think I'm going to stick to judo."
Bess: "So what, after the all-night ninja movie marathon at my house, is next for Ms. Drew?"
Nancy: "I'm thinking I'll relax for a while, Ms. Marvin. Maybe hit an amusement park, or take a vacation."
Bess: "Oh, Nancy. You NEVER -just- go on vacation. There'll be a vengeful spirit..."
George: "Or a pirate treasure..."
Bess: "Or a masked phantom..."
George: "Maybe a haunted castle?"
Nancy: "C'mon, you two. Right now I don't wanna think about any of that. Let's just relax, take in the movies, and consider this a well-earned happy ending."
As will I. Guys! We played a Nancy Drew game together! THAT WAS GREAT! I'm not going to do a full review writeup, because I am the only person who needs to own these games, but that was really fun, you guys. I'm glad you all came with me on that INCREDIBLE JOURNEY into mystery and dog ownership.
But what's next on my plate?
Planes.
See you next time.
(Nancy: "...Wait, are you -really- sharing a bed now? I was kidding!")
no subject
Date: 2017-01-08 05:30 am (UTC)You know, as valid a point as that is, I wasn't nearly as worried about that as I was that someone had just attempted to murder Nancy Drew, both she and her assailant escaped, and her next brilliant move was to just stay in the same spooky cabin and just hang out for the next four days. I mean, unless she slept with one eye open and a loaded shotgun pointed toward the door....
Also, petition to make "Malone and his stupid puzzles can take a flying leap" the new subtitle for this game, since the Ghost Dogs of Moon Lake ended up... well the Dog part was technically correct I guess.
So Nancy locks herself in a room which she promptly escapes, then locks Em in that same room and Em is well and stuck there until the federal agents arrive? Did Nancy open the drainage grate, slip through, close it again behind her, and then seal it with the arc welder she's been secretly carrying around this whole time, just in case?
ANYWAY THAT SAID this was a fun read and I am glad in retrospect that it kickstarted a whole series. I am looking forward to the others!