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xyzzysqrlSo hot today. Kept falling asleep all day long. Still got in some game-time though.
When last we left our ragtag and really questionably canonical bunch of heroes and Argoneers, I had just given the last rites to Argos and we were trying to decide where to sail our enormous boat next. By a two-to-one vote, you lovable funsters picked to send me off to Mycon. ... I'm sorry, Mycenae. (That one vote, alas, being a vote by GUEST SUPERSTAR PAN, still on the hoof. Or their RP account anyway. I am constantly astounded by who finds my journal and why, y'know? Internet, I love you.)
First, though, Hercules stops by to admit that he's a little conflicted about, y'know. Having OTHER people die for stuff he's doing. It's totally one thing for Jason and him to get killed, but not OTHER people! Jason not only points out that this is hardly death #1, but heads over to the side of the boat to rant at Hecate (oh, she is apparently the leader of the Blacktongues! I left that out! So, uhm, evil I guess.) and make an EPIC PROPHECY OF DOOM for her. Along with more COURAGE and HEROISM and ... seriously, by the time this is done I'm gonna have Jason wielding a drill-spear and fighting giant robots. I can feel it.
I also want to note that by now Jason is a couple of favor points with Hermes away from being able to HURL PEOPLE INTO TARTARUS, he can also turn people to stone, move in super-speed, and is generally a shield-breaking superman. Curiously, turning people to stone is in the house of Ares rather than Athena, but maybe ALL OF THE GODS can do this and Ares is just the only one who weaponizes it? I would not normally mention my progression this way but I can -throw people into the Underworld- soon. That is INCREDIBLE, we are right up against some Black Hole Gun stuff here. ("I'm Commander Jason and this is my favorite God in the pantheon.") Riding an Ares/Hermes split was clearly THE RIGHT CHOICE. Although I could've gone Apollo/Hermes. It is HARD TO SAY.
Let's run through the Argoteer Listing:
MEDEA STATUS: She saw the assassin coming, but couldn't warn us because she was locked in with her own magic runes. She is sad about this. Jason is pretty much over it, though. ...Am I the only one wondering about this? Jason is all "I WILL NOT ACCEPT IT" when it's his wife, but Argos dies and he's all "eh will of the gods whatcha gonna do". Although I guess he is seeking vengence. Another name on the list.
MEDUSA STATUS: Worried that the Blacktongues followed her. Jason does more soothing.
HERCULES STATUS: Still mopey. Jason assures him that SOMEONE WILL PAY. He perks up slightly.
PAN STATUS: Composing an elegy. Choosing to remember the fun Argos had while sailing his ship. Jason does not particularly contribute to this. I guess he's busy with rage.
Anyway we move on to Mycenae. As I'm leaving the boat I stop to listen to Pan tell the old story about the Wind and the Sun... although NOT the Sophocles version. Ahem. The message as he gives it is that sometimes it's better to send a negotiator than an army. I happen to agree on this point.
It looks like my party continues to be Herc and Pan. Medusa is not any more inclined to come up on shore than Medea is. In this case I can't blame EITHER of them, because King Lycomedes is probably not going to be thrilled to see Jason, what with his daughter being assassinated on her wedding day and whatnot. Jason is pretty casual about this! I guess you can't know what'll happen 'til you plunge in. On the way up the shore I pass a statue of Lycopene DRIVING OUT TITANS, and I'm pretty sure he's all about SWORDS NOT WORDS (in the vernacular), so I guess I may be plunging into a trial by combat here. Luckily, I am pretty much specced for that. I do not think there is a way to NOT spec for that, except maybe to take all the "aid other argonauts" perks. I wonder if I could come back here HIDEOUSLY WRONG FOR THE JOB and still win. I will likely not find out.
On the way up to the palace I come across IONIANS! Oh no! They start insulting Jason and his wife, so I manage to find the dialogue option for "Right hook to the jaw" in a -very- satisfying way and the guards charge in. From what I can tell, though, Lycopene has Jason marked as a Special Case who is not to be touched until the king is done with him. Right, OKAY, to the PALACE, -I GET IT-.
Anyway, I head up to the palace, there is a growlfestival, grr rar grr we are alpha males look at our dicks, and OH LOOK I'm goin' to the Arena to prove I'm innocent. MIGHT MAKES RIGHT. I stop in to get my temp armor and weapons... holy crap, hi Daedalus! He is the head smith here! ... I don't get to ask him about the flying thing, but he's got a set of wings on his wall which he REALLY DOESN'T want to talk about. Cute. Okay. COMBAT TIME. I get partnered with the World's Smallest Human Being, who I successfully keep alive through face-pasting everyone who gets near him. I'll get some kind of bonus in the marketplace after this. Score.
The next match is against a jerk called THE HAND TAKER. Earlier in the prison he was all "I'LL TAKE YOUR HAND! I AM --" and Jason was all "Yeah. The hand taker. I heard." and walked off while he raaaaaged in his cell. Anyway, I kill the jerk. (Also his 20 merc backup squad.)
And finally... ACHILLES! The Invincible! The Undefeated! T... wait... his voice... CRISPIN FREEMAN?! GET OUT OF MY BEDROOM, CRISPIN!
[Now at least I know who the hand taker was after. Even if I beat Achilles, he'll LIVE ON THROUGH HIS HAND. Or possibly heel. I don't know how anything works. Does this mean that Daedalus can make me into a CYBORG if I lose this fight?] ... ANYWAY SPEAR FIGHT.
[NOTE: The block of joke encased in bracket was made when I was under the wrong impression that Crispin Freeman was Cam Clarke and also Liquid Snake somehow. I was completely wrong about this and now Crispin Freeman is gonna do my dog. I apologize for everything I have ever said anywhere for any reason.]
Achilles turns out to be, real talk, the single hardest challenge in the game so far for me. Picture about an hour of me hit-and-running, losing health and having to regen every time I whack him one. At one point the dude sets himself on FIRE, and I'm not ashamed to admit I lost a couple times before I got things down. Eventually I abuse the hell out of the God Power I have that shoots bolts of wind at people, and because WIND BEATS FIRE I totally win. It is always a good idea to let WIND out of a BAG and have people DIE, but that is another story.
Jason and Achilles clash in the center of the ring in cutscene mode and taunt each other while jamming their spears into each other and maybe it's just the internet but they are to my eyes one step short of just WHIPPING IT OUT right there in the middle of the crowd to compare wang sizes. Anyway King Lycomedes is all "OKAY OKAY WE GET IT YOU'RE INNOCENT NOW STOP STABBING EACH OTHER" so that's basically the end of that.
Lycomedes is ALSO basically giving up. He doesn't want to do anything with the Argonauts. He doesn't want to be king. He wants to retire and GIVE UP. In spite of my shouting and waving arms about Ares, he doesn't seem to particularly want to commit bloody massacre and storm the underworld to get his daughter back. Jason stops about one step short of calling him a pansy and I personally resolve to get this beardyman his GROOVE BACK.
On the way, as we pass some statues, Pan brings up Deucalion, who demanded statues of ice made of him so he would be one man who outlived his own legacy. Deucalion IS referenced in the Ovid, but I've never heard the ice statue part and can find no reference to it. Is this another mingled myth?
Meanwhile I mop up sidequests, tell people misleading things to get them to sail to Egypt, listen to children sing about fish, listen to Pan talk about what culture smells like, etc. Along the way I muse on portrayals. Hercules, for example, is in this game a big sort of lumbering fellow who is still fairly sharp-minded and decent at lateral thinking, but not really so great on bookish things. I end up musing on how other Hercules in media would fit into this game. I imagine Kevin Sorbo's Hercules giving that singing fishboy a few coins to follow around someone he doesn't like and irritate them. I enjoy this thought.
Hee. Street vendor references "Hyperbolus the Invincible" and how he used an axe to split a guy in half. I think that's my next Skyrim character.
Okay, this game could SERIOUSLY use a fast-travel option. There is some HARDCORE foot-on-cobblestone action going on here. I feel like I've been tromping up and down the streets for hours. Anyway to bring you up to speed: THE KING MAY BE ASSASSINATED. Also, there's a mysterious champion from out of town who wants to compete in the tournament to win Kinghood, which he will get from the KING HIMSELF. HMMM. I'm not Velma Dinkley but that's a Jinkies! moment to me. Anyway what this means is... BACK TO THE ARENA! Oh god this tournament arc bullshit will last forever. This is the part of the manga where the plot fucks off for two and a half years.
Anyway. Round 1 of the tournament: Satyrs and a minotaur! I win via arcane techniques like "dodging and letting the big guy kill the little guys for me" and "Throwing spears like they're going out of style".
Round 2: MINOTAURS. More spearhucking. More dodging.
Round 3: The assassin! Also, the king's advisor tries to stab Lypopene, and promptly gets hit in the head so hard he flies into the arena and dies. I approve of this king. Anyway, Jason and Achilles set aside their differences and beat the hell out of various Blacktongue-spawn, and long story short, Achilles, Lycomedes and Daedalus ALL JOIN THE CREW. Bonus!
So... I don't know if the game's gotten better, drier, or if I just don't have much to say because of the exhausting heat today, but this actually went pretty smoothly aside from all the running around. I just wanted to install a fricking ROCKET BOOSTER in Jason's butt to get him places faster. Since I'm doing most/all of the sidequests for extra GODBOONPOINTS, it's a little tiring.
ANYWAY. TOMORROW: SARIA!
When last we left our ragtag and really questionably canonical bunch of heroes and Argoneers, I had just given the last rites to Argos and we were trying to decide where to sail our enormous boat next. By a two-to-one vote, you lovable funsters picked to send me off to Mycon. ... I'm sorry, Mycenae. (That one vote, alas, being a vote by GUEST SUPERSTAR PAN, still on the hoof. Or their RP account anyway. I am constantly astounded by who finds my journal and why, y'know? Internet, I love you.)
First, though, Hercules stops by to admit that he's a little conflicted about, y'know. Having OTHER people die for stuff he's doing. It's totally one thing for Jason and him to get killed, but not OTHER people! Jason not only points out that this is hardly death #1, but heads over to the side of the boat to rant at Hecate (oh, she is apparently the leader of the Blacktongues! I left that out! So, uhm, evil I guess.) and make an EPIC PROPHECY OF DOOM for her. Along with more COURAGE and HEROISM and ... seriously, by the time this is done I'm gonna have Jason wielding a drill-spear and fighting giant robots. I can feel it.
I also want to note that by now Jason is a couple of favor points with Hermes away from being able to HURL PEOPLE INTO TARTARUS, he can also turn people to stone, move in super-speed, and is generally a shield-breaking superman. Curiously, turning people to stone is in the house of Ares rather than Athena, but maybe ALL OF THE GODS can do this and Ares is just the only one who weaponizes it? I would not normally mention my progression this way but I can -throw people into the Underworld- soon. That is INCREDIBLE, we are right up against some Black Hole Gun stuff here. ("I'm Commander Jason and this is my favorite God in the pantheon.") Riding an Ares/Hermes split was clearly THE RIGHT CHOICE. Although I could've gone Apollo/Hermes. It is HARD TO SAY.
Let's run through the Argoteer Listing:
MEDEA STATUS: She saw the assassin coming, but couldn't warn us because she was locked in with her own magic runes. She is sad about this. Jason is pretty much over it, though. ...Am I the only one wondering about this? Jason is all "I WILL NOT ACCEPT IT" when it's his wife, but Argos dies and he's all "eh will of the gods whatcha gonna do". Although I guess he is seeking vengence. Another name on the list.
MEDUSA STATUS: Worried that the Blacktongues followed her. Jason does more soothing.
HERCULES STATUS: Still mopey. Jason assures him that SOMEONE WILL PAY. He perks up slightly.
PAN STATUS: Composing an elegy. Choosing to remember the fun Argos had while sailing his ship. Jason does not particularly contribute to this. I guess he's busy with rage.
Anyway we move on to Mycenae. As I'm leaving the boat I stop to listen to Pan tell the old story about the Wind and the Sun... although NOT the Sophocles version. Ahem. The message as he gives it is that sometimes it's better to send a negotiator than an army. I happen to agree on this point.
It looks like my party continues to be Herc and Pan. Medusa is not any more inclined to come up on shore than Medea is. In this case I can't blame EITHER of them, because King Lycomedes is probably not going to be thrilled to see Jason, what with his daughter being assassinated on her wedding day and whatnot. Jason is pretty casual about this! I guess you can't know what'll happen 'til you plunge in. On the way up the shore I pass a statue of Lycopene DRIVING OUT TITANS, and I'm pretty sure he's all about SWORDS NOT WORDS (in the vernacular), so I guess I may be plunging into a trial by combat here. Luckily, I am pretty much specced for that. I do not think there is a way to NOT spec for that, except maybe to take all the "aid other argonauts" perks. I wonder if I could come back here HIDEOUSLY WRONG FOR THE JOB and still win. I will likely not find out.
On the way up to the palace I come across IONIANS! Oh no! They start insulting Jason and his wife, so I manage to find the dialogue option for "Right hook to the jaw" in a -very- satisfying way and the guards charge in. From what I can tell, though, Lycopene has Jason marked as a Special Case who is not to be touched until the king is done with him. Right, OKAY, to the PALACE, -I GET IT-.
Anyway, I head up to the palace, there is a growlfestival, grr rar grr we are alpha males look at our dicks, and OH LOOK I'm goin' to the Arena to prove I'm innocent. MIGHT MAKES RIGHT. I stop in to get my temp armor and weapons... holy crap, hi Daedalus! He is the head smith here! ... I don't get to ask him about the flying thing, but he's got a set of wings on his wall which he REALLY DOESN'T want to talk about. Cute. Okay. COMBAT TIME. I get partnered with the World's Smallest Human Being, who I successfully keep alive through face-pasting everyone who gets near him. I'll get some kind of bonus in the marketplace after this. Score.
The next match is against a jerk called THE HAND TAKER. Earlier in the prison he was all "I'LL TAKE YOUR HAND! I AM --" and Jason was all "Yeah. The hand taker. I heard." and walked off while he raaaaaged in his cell. Anyway, I kill the jerk. (Also his 20 merc backup squad.)
And finally... ACHILLES! The Invincible! The Undefeated! T... wait... his voice... CRISPIN FREEMAN?! GET OUT OF MY BEDROOM, CRISPIN!
[Now at least I know who the hand taker was after. Even if I beat Achilles, he'll LIVE ON THROUGH HIS HAND. Or possibly heel. I don't know how anything works. Does this mean that Daedalus can make me into a CYBORG if I lose this fight?] ... ANYWAY SPEAR FIGHT.
[NOTE: The block of joke encased in bracket was made when I was under the wrong impression that Crispin Freeman was Cam Clarke and also Liquid Snake somehow. I was completely wrong about this and now Crispin Freeman is gonna do my dog. I apologize for everything I have ever said anywhere for any reason.]
Achilles turns out to be, real talk, the single hardest challenge in the game so far for me. Picture about an hour of me hit-and-running, losing health and having to regen every time I whack him one. At one point the dude sets himself on FIRE, and I'm not ashamed to admit I lost a couple times before I got things down. Eventually I abuse the hell out of the God Power I have that shoots bolts of wind at people, and because WIND BEATS FIRE I totally win. It is always a good idea to let WIND out of a BAG and have people DIE, but that is another story.
Jason and Achilles clash in the center of the ring in cutscene mode and taunt each other while jamming their spears into each other and maybe it's just the internet but they are to my eyes one step short of just WHIPPING IT OUT right there in the middle of the crowd to compare wang sizes. Anyway King Lycomedes is all "OKAY OKAY WE GET IT YOU'RE INNOCENT NOW STOP STABBING EACH OTHER" so that's basically the end of that.
Lycomedes is ALSO basically giving up. He doesn't want to do anything with the Argonauts. He doesn't want to be king. He wants to retire and GIVE UP. In spite of my shouting and waving arms about Ares, he doesn't seem to particularly want to commit bloody massacre and storm the underworld to get his daughter back. Jason stops about one step short of calling him a pansy and I personally resolve to get this beardyman his GROOVE BACK.
On the way, as we pass some statues, Pan brings up Deucalion, who demanded statues of ice made of him so he would be one man who outlived his own legacy. Deucalion IS referenced in the Ovid, but I've never heard the ice statue part and can find no reference to it. Is this another mingled myth?
Meanwhile I mop up sidequests, tell people misleading things to get them to sail to Egypt, listen to children sing about fish, listen to Pan talk about what culture smells like, etc. Along the way I muse on portrayals. Hercules, for example, is in this game a big sort of lumbering fellow who is still fairly sharp-minded and decent at lateral thinking, but not really so great on bookish things. I end up musing on how other Hercules in media would fit into this game. I imagine Kevin Sorbo's Hercules giving that singing fishboy a few coins to follow around someone he doesn't like and irritate them. I enjoy this thought.
Hee. Street vendor references "Hyperbolus the Invincible" and how he used an axe to split a guy in half. I think that's my next Skyrim character.
Okay, this game could SERIOUSLY use a fast-travel option. There is some HARDCORE foot-on-cobblestone action going on here. I feel like I've been tromping up and down the streets for hours. Anyway to bring you up to speed: THE KING MAY BE ASSASSINATED. Also, there's a mysterious champion from out of town who wants to compete in the tournament to win Kinghood, which he will get from the KING HIMSELF. HMMM. I'm not Velma Dinkley but that's a Jinkies! moment to me. Anyway what this means is... BACK TO THE ARENA! Oh god this tournament arc bullshit will last forever. This is the part of the manga where the plot fucks off for two and a half years.
Anyway. Round 1 of the tournament: Satyrs and a minotaur! I win via arcane techniques like "dodging and letting the big guy kill the little guys for me" and "Throwing spears like they're going out of style".
Round 2: MINOTAURS. More spearhucking. More dodging.
Round 3: The assassin! Also, the king's advisor tries to stab Lypopene, and promptly gets hit in the head so hard he flies into the arena and dies. I approve of this king. Anyway, Jason and Achilles set aside their differences and beat the hell out of various Blacktongue-spawn, and long story short, Achilles, Lycomedes and Daedalus ALL JOIN THE CREW. Bonus!
So... I don't know if the game's gotten better, drier, or if I just don't have much to say because of the exhausting heat today, but this actually went pretty smoothly aside from all the running around. I just wanted to install a fricking ROCKET BOOSTER in Jason's butt to get him places faster. Since I'm doing most/all of the sidequests for extra GODBOONPOINTS, it's a little tiring.
ANYWAY. TOMORROW: SARIA!
