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xyzzysqrlOkay SO. I was sitting around and happened to notice that the latest piece of the GUNDAM MERCHANDISING EMPIRE has arrived, and while it is sadly not a Gunpla Builders series like I really craved (because Gunpla Builders is deliciously fucking berzerker) I decided for the heck of it to grab the first subbed episode.
When I mentioned this on twitter and in my IM status message, I was belted with many requests to blog it.
So, come with me, my Internet friends. (Not that I'll tell you where to download the show nyaatorrent) as I watch a single episode of a giant robot cartoon DIRECT FROM JAPAN and then take four fucking hours to document it! THIS! IS! GUNDAM AGE!
Gunshots across a black screen. Well, that's one way to start a series.
...Okay, wow, this may be the fastest "Start-to-Fucked" time of any Gundam show yet. EVERYTHING is on fire.
Wait, the bad guys are giant mecha-dragons (or at least have dragon-shaped mecha) with palm-gatlings? Okay, I officially like their design better than the hero mech and THAT HASN'T EVEN APPEARED YET.
We're introduced to our hero, Flit! And his green, chunky hair! And his... about to be dead mother. Wow, this is really is Gundam Screwed so far.
Well. Under a minute in and his mom's dead, the kid's probably traumatized, we have mention of a Gundam, and hilariously the Gundam software appears to fit on a celphone. This is BRISK.
...so... will we eventually see the reason Flit wasn't stomped to a paste by giant mechadragons? *cross arms* Probably not I guess.
HMMM. Flit is a tank-topped mechanic who has his own Haro and whose space colony will probably be attacked in the near future. GUNDAM!
Oh hey the opening song. It's... twangy.
Aw. Young Flit hangs out with Young Sayla Mass and Young Ryo Jose. PROBABLY NOT THEIR REAL NAMES.
Flit, stop letting your simply-drawn head clash with the super-detailed backgrounds. You look like a colorform.
So I've paused on Flit's PC screen! He reads the Journal of Astrobiology, has a picture of a mechadragon on his desktop, and the news is reporting on THE UNSEEN ENEMY FROM OUTER SPACE!! ... I have this weird draw to RELATE to him, somehow.
There is a news report to state that 20 people were killed in an attack by the "UNKNOWN ENEMY", and all the Government has to say is that the enemy is still unknown. They have been unknown for FOURTEEN YEARS. Man, at that point just... make UP a name. Call them the... Killerlizers. There, I've solved your naming issue.
Reportedly, citizen reaction to being fucking killed by things they have no idea what they are for fourteen fucking solid years is "frustration". There is no joke obvious enough.
Oh. Not-Sayla-Mass's name is "Emily", and she pronounces Flit as "Frito". Mmm, he is crunchy and tastes like badly fried corn.
Flit's eyes are all red. That's how you know he's been sleep-deprived. ... I guess if he'd been up smoking pot and ranting on the government blogs all night, this would be a very different KIND of show.
Luckily, Haros are built to take vigorous kicking.
A dude who looked like Jamil Neate just dropped off a girl who looks like Frau Bow and a guy who looks like the main bad guy of Crossbone Gundam. Was the design document for this show just a portfolio of past character designs and the word "THIS"?
Ah yes, Flit is a genius robot designer who's building the Gundam from specs his mother left behind AND a schoolchild. And in my personal canon a ranting political blogger, apparently.
"Soon the Gundam will be able to stand up on its own!" Just to drive home what an amazing feat this is, have a mecha crash!
Oh. It's Emily's grandpa, testing out the Gundam's... left arm. By bolting it to a random loader mecha and waving it around, I guess.
I wonder if you can make that loader ROCKET PUNCH.
And pull out to reveal that yes the place they live is a giant O'Neill-cylinder space colony because you can't have Gundam without SPACE COLONIES it is ILLEGAL you will get put in GUNDAM JAIL for suggesting otherwise.
OH FLIT YOU TAKE GIANT ROBOTS SO SERIOUSLY.
...Are we actually flashing back to Flit learning about the ancient, long-forgotten weapons called "Mobile Suits" and deciding "Yo we gotta build this?" ... What the hell. What time period is this set in, exactly? Are we going to have forgotten lost technology popping up? Will that be awesome? (Maybe.)
...Oh wow. Not-Ryu's name is DIQUE. I'm sorry, kid.
"Aliens? You mean the UE?" "We don't know what they are, therefore aliens."
Of course everyone in Flit's class thinks he's a raving paranoid, saying that the UE will attack them even though the UE has only been attacking everyone everywhere for 14 years solid. Shit, at this point I would be a paranoid raving political blogger too! Even though I made that up, it still fits. Flit should at this point be fucking DIB.
"If we were in danger, we'd be told we were in danger." "I HAVE PROOF THAT THE GOVERNMENT IS LYING TO US! I BROUGHT CHARTS!" "oh jesus."
So Flit mathmatically charted the pattern of attacks and Space Colony Nora is next, BUT NOBODY IN FIFTH GRADE BELIEVES HIM so I guess that's that. Fuuuuck someone get this kid on the internet.
Well. Flit's been told to shut up about his conspiracy theories, and we're only ten minutes into a 25 minute show. Let's see... I put the destruction of the school at the... seventeen minute mark. Let's find out.
OH LOOK INCOMING ALIENS HEADING RIGHT FOR THE COLONY WHOOOO COULD HAVE PREDICTED THIIIIIIIIS
So Flit and Sayla Emily kick it at the planetarium show. Not gonna lie, "space is awesome, have some space" is a great way to get ME out of the house. Of course the real reason is so everyone will be standing around outside when the ALIENS!!! show up.
"They don't think anything of killing people. It's like they're NOT. EVEN. HUMAN."
"You know, Flit, you've told me your origin story fifty or sixty times now."
"You see, the White Mobile Suit was the Savior, named Gundam." "Is that why you're calling it Gundam?" "Yes. It is the Savior, Gundam." PERHAPS IT WILL BE SOME KIND OF... G-SAVIOR? That live action movie is TOTALLY canon you guys! *shot for this*
Golly gosha-gee the UE are attacking. This is my surprised face. -> &[-.-]
So Flit sprints off to... uh, punch them out I guess. Or maybe get his mecha.
This is all unfolding with a tedious inevitably. Although I do still like the UE mecha.
Military stuff happens... the Defense Commander nearly barfs... yeah, this is all about right.
"Genoace"? No, dear, that's a GM. It just has a bubblehead.
"THAT'S NOT A REAL MOBILE SUIT!" Flit, really. Don't trash-talk the grunt units, they're really trying just as hard as you are.
"Why did you HIDE the Gundam?" Possibly because there were giant Killermurderizer robot alien space dragon mecha ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. Just at a guess.
Oh, I'm thinking the school didn't even make it to the seventeen minute mark, by the way. I suck at guessing.
"Vargas. Let's send out the Gundam!" "Impossible."
...oh hey, it's some guy called Largan. He looks like carrot top.
Although he does seem to be trained in Militaryese. Can we have... Tengen Toppa Gundam Largan?
....wow. In a WATERSHED MOMENT for Gundam, Flit just attempted to hand over the Gundam to someone with actual military training as his first action.
...unfortunately it looks like no, Largan's going out in the grunt suit.. er, GM... er, Genoace and Flit is going to pilot the Gundam. Because he has to. Because he's the one who did mobility tests. Sigh.
At least everyone else is trying to tell him this is a goddamn stupid idea.
And Largan gets his ass shot off before even sortieing. Although he seems to be okay... just injured.
"If I don't do this... if I don't go out in Gundam... PEOPLE ARE GOING TO DIE! BECAUSE ONLY GUNDAMS CAN DEFEAT VAGUE UNKNOWN THREAAAATS!"
I don't even have to describe the launch as he strides out of the hanger to fight, do I? You can just imagine what's happening.
Okay, maybe the fight animation will be good. We have five minutes left, Gundam AGE. Impress me.
...Well, that's a hellish battlefield, all right.
Uh-huh, it's invincible because plot armor...
He goes over all Shinji with the beam knife...
Everyone at base command is very impressed...
And the enemy scan him and escape. Great, now they'll kick his ass when they come back.
Flit has a little breakdown right there in the cockpit after fighting for the first time... everyone jerks off over how AWESOME Flit was... Okay, okay, fucking be done with it. Like this guy's saying, killing one enemy really changes nothing.
... uhm.
And then the UE pull back and nuke the colony from a distance.
Didn't see that coming. But ... episode one is over.
So what did I think? Honestly... This all seriously feels so by-the-numbers so far. I mean... I love giant robots. I really fucking love giant robots. But this isn't even creative giant robot. This feels so cardboard-cutout, paint-by-numbers, that I felt like I could just close my eyes and GUESS at what was going on, and I'd have been right. This was basically Mobile Suit Gundam episode 1, with Flit replacing Amaro. Except at least that introduced Char.
The choice of making the enemies completely faceless unknowns has not done them any favors given that Gundam is traditionally about two opposing ideologies or factions which both have some kind of appeal...
I dunno. This isn't really doing it for me.
I doubt I'll keep blogging it unless it does a massive turnaround in episode 2. I hope you all enjoyed this one, though!
When I mentioned this on twitter and in my IM status message, I was belted with many requests to blog it.
So, come with me, my Internet friends. (Not that I'll tell you where to download the show nyaatorrent) as I watch a single episode of a giant robot cartoon DIRECT FROM JAPAN and then take four fucking hours to document it! THIS! IS! GUNDAM AGE!
Gunshots across a black screen. Well, that's one way to start a series.
...Okay, wow, this may be the fastest "Start-to-Fucked" time of any Gundam show yet. EVERYTHING is on fire.
Wait, the bad guys are giant mecha-dragons (or at least have dragon-shaped mecha) with palm-gatlings? Okay, I officially like their design better than the hero mech and THAT HASN'T EVEN APPEARED YET.
We're introduced to our hero, Flit! And his green, chunky hair! And his... about to be dead mother. Wow, this is really is Gundam Screwed so far.
Well. Under a minute in and his mom's dead, the kid's probably traumatized, we have mention of a Gundam, and hilariously the Gundam software appears to fit on a celphone. This is BRISK.
...so... will we eventually see the reason Flit wasn't stomped to a paste by giant mechadragons? *cross arms* Probably not I guess.
HMMM. Flit is a tank-topped mechanic who has his own Haro and whose space colony will probably be attacked in the near future. GUNDAM!
Oh hey the opening song. It's... twangy.
Aw. Young Flit hangs out with Young Sayla Mass and Young Ryo Jose. PROBABLY NOT THEIR REAL NAMES.
Flit, stop letting your simply-drawn head clash with the super-detailed backgrounds. You look like a colorform.
So I've paused on Flit's PC screen! He reads the Journal of Astrobiology, has a picture of a mechadragon on his desktop, and the news is reporting on THE UNSEEN ENEMY FROM OUTER SPACE!! ... I have this weird draw to RELATE to him, somehow.
There is a news report to state that 20 people were killed in an attack by the "UNKNOWN ENEMY", and all the Government has to say is that the enemy is still unknown. They have been unknown for FOURTEEN YEARS. Man, at that point just... make UP a name. Call them the... Killerlizers. There, I've solved your naming issue.
Reportedly, citizen reaction to being fucking killed by things they have no idea what they are for fourteen fucking solid years is "frustration". There is no joke obvious enough.
Oh. Not-Sayla-Mass's name is "Emily", and she pronounces Flit as "Frito". Mmm, he is crunchy and tastes like badly fried corn.
Flit's eyes are all red. That's how you know he's been sleep-deprived. ... I guess if he'd been up smoking pot and ranting on the government blogs all night, this would be a very different KIND of show.
Luckily, Haros are built to take vigorous kicking.
A dude who looked like Jamil Neate just dropped off a girl who looks like Frau Bow and a guy who looks like the main bad guy of Crossbone Gundam. Was the design document for this show just a portfolio of past character designs and the word "THIS"?
Ah yes, Flit is a genius robot designer who's building the Gundam from specs his mother left behind AND a schoolchild. And in my personal canon a ranting political blogger, apparently.
"Soon the Gundam will be able to stand up on its own!" Just to drive home what an amazing feat this is, have a mecha crash!
Oh. It's Emily's grandpa, testing out the Gundam's... left arm. By bolting it to a random loader mecha and waving it around, I guess.
I wonder if you can make that loader ROCKET PUNCH.
And pull out to reveal that yes the place they live is a giant O'Neill-cylinder space colony because you can't have Gundam without SPACE COLONIES it is ILLEGAL you will get put in GUNDAM JAIL for suggesting otherwise.
OH FLIT YOU TAKE GIANT ROBOTS SO SERIOUSLY.
...Are we actually flashing back to Flit learning about the ancient, long-forgotten weapons called "Mobile Suits" and deciding "Yo we gotta build this?" ... What the hell. What time period is this set in, exactly? Are we going to have forgotten lost technology popping up? Will that be awesome? (Maybe.)
...Oh wow. Not-Ryu's name is DIQUE. I'm sorry, kid.
"Aliens? You mean the UE?" "We don't know what they are, therefore aliens."
Of course everyone in Flit's class thinks he's a raving paranoid, saying that the UE will attack them even though the UE has only been attacking everyone everywhere for 14 years solid. Shit, at this point I would be a paranoid raving political blogger too! Even though I made that up, it still fits. Flit should at this point be fucking DIB.
"If we were in danger, we'd be told we were in danger." "I HAVE PROOF THAT THE GOVERNMENT IS LYING TO US! I BROUGHT CHARTS!" "oh jesus."
So Flit mathmatically charted the pattern of attacks and Space Colony Nora is next, BUT NOBODY IN FIFTH GRADE BELIEVES HIM so I guess that's that. Fuuuuck someone get this kid on the internet.
Well. Flit's been told to shut up about his conspiracy theories, and we're only ten minutes into a 25 minute show. Let's see... I put the destruction of the school at the... seventeen minute mark. Let's find out.
OH LOOK INCOMING ALIENS HEADING RIGHT FOR THE COLONY WHOOOO COULD HAVE PREDICTED THIIIIIIIIS
So Flit and Sayla Emily kick it at the planetarium show. Not gonna lie, "space is awesome, have some space" is a great way to get ME out of the house. Of course the real reason is so everyone will be standing around outside when the ALIENS!!! show up.
"They don't think anything of killing people. It's like they're NOT. EVEN. HUMAN."
"You know, Flit, you've told me your origin story fifty or sixty times now."
"You see, the White Mobile Suit was the Savior, named Gundam." "Is that why you're calling it Gundam?" "Yes. It is the Savior, Gundam." PERHAPS IT WILL BE SOME KIND OF... G-SAVIOR? That live action movie is TOTALLY canon you guys! *shot for this*
Golly gosha-gee the UE are attacking. This is my surprised face. -> &[-.-]
So Flit sprints off to... uh, punch them out I guess. Or maybe get his mecha.
This is all unfolding with a tedious inevitably. Although I do still like the UE mecha.
Military stuff happens... the Defense Commander nearly barfs... yeah, this is all about right.
"Genoace"? No, dear, that's a GM. It just has a bubblehead.
"THAT'S NOT A REAL MOBILE SUIT!" Flit, really. Don't trash-talk the grunt units, they're really trying just as hard as you are.
"Why did you HIDE the Gundam?" Possibly because there were giant Killermurderizer robot alien space dragon mecha ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. Just at a guess.
Oh, I'm thinking the school didn't even make it to the seventeen minute mark, by the way. I suck at guessing.
"Vargas. Let's send out the Gundam!" "Impossible."
...oh hey, it's some guy called Largan. He looks like carrot top.
Although he does seem to be trained in Militaryese. Can we have... Tengen Toppa Gundam Largan?
....wow. In a WATERSHED MOMENT for Gundam, Flit just attempted to hand over the Gundam to someone with actual military training as his first action.
...unfortunately it looks like no, Largan's going out in the grunt suit.. er, GM... er, Genoace and Flit is going to pilot the Gundam. Because he has to. Because he's the one who did mobility tests. Sigh.
At least everyone else is trying to tell him this is a goddamn stupid idea.
And Largan gets his ass shot off before even sortieing. Although he seems to be okay... just injured.
"If I don't do this... if I don't go out in Gundam... PEOPLE ARE GOING TO DIE! BECAUSE ONLY GUNDAMS CAN DEFEAT VAGUE UNKNOWN THREAAAATS!"
I don't even have to describe the launch as he strides out of the hanger to fight, do I? You can just imagine what's happening.
Okay, maybe the fight animation will be good. We have five minutes left, Gundam AGE. Impress me.
...Well, that's a hellish battlefield, all right.
Uh-huh, it's invincible because plot armor...
He goes over all Shinji with the beam knife...
Everyone at base command is very impressed...
And the enemy scan him and escape. Great, now they'll kick his ass when they come back.
Flit has a little breakdown right there in the cockpit after fighting for the first time... everyone jerks off over how AWESOME Flit was... Okay, okay, fucking be done with it. Like this guy's saying, killing one enemy really changes nothing.
... uhm.
And then the UE pull back and nuke the colony from a distance.
Didn't see that coming. But ... episode one is over.
So what did I think? Honestly... This all seriously feels so by-the-numbers so far. I mean... I love giant robots. I really fucking love giant robots. But this isn't even creative giant robot. This feels so cardboard-cutout, paint-by-numbers, that I felt like I could just close my eyes and GUESS at what was going on, and I'd have been right. This was basically Mobile Suit Gundam episode 1, with Flit replacing Amaro. Except at least that introduced Char.
The choice of making the enemies completely faceless unknowns has not done them any favors given that Gundam is traditionally about two opposing ideologies or factions which both have some kind of appeal...
I dunno. This isn't really doing it for me.
I doubt I'll keep blogging it unless it does a massive turnaround in episode 2. I hope you all enjoyed this one, though!
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no subject
Date: 2011-10-11 07:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-11 07:45 pm (UTC)New ideas. We can has them please?
no subject
Date: 2011-10-12 03:55 pm (UTC)Looks like you're eating pretzels.
no subject
Date: 2011-10-12 09:54 pm (UTC)