xyzzysqrl

So we discovered a hot dog place in Maynard a couple weeks ago, and I got all excited. Their menu looked DELICIOUS. They claimed to have FOUR KINDS of mustard. I was FINALLY going to get to see why celery salt was a desirable condiment.

Inevitably, they were closed today when we stopped. Like, out of business forever closed.

I'LL NEVER LOVE AGAIN! MY WORLD IS ENDING...

...Except not. We went to Wendy's instead and spent some time on the way back ... uh, blathering, as we do. This conversation is not safe for anyone, particularly not anyone with a brain, so I'm cutting it.

Sqrl, bored and half-asleep on the ride home, is rattling off MST3K-style MANLY NAMES.

Sqrl: "Brick Kickerton. Snapback Gristlemound. Thor Laserdick. Priscilla Pinkfairy."
Woof: "I think you've lost the groove a bit there."
Sqrl: "Maybe I just like the idea of a big badass action hero named Priscilla Pinkfairy."
Woof: "Well you would be wrong. There's only one MANLY FAIRY and that's Jorgen Von Strangle."
Sqrl: "What, Cosmo isn't manly enough for you?"
Woof: "Cosmo can barely remember he's supposed to BE a man."
Sqrl: "Point. WANDA isn't manly enough for you?"
Woof: "It's different when it's a manly female. Name rules change."
Sqrl: "Okay. What about Juandissimo?"
Woof: "...I dunno. He has a ... thing... it's a manly thing, but it's also a homoerotic latin narcissist thing..."
Sqrl: "Yeah. You know he would probably make out with a clone of himself if that were possible."
Woof: "I think they beat him like that one in the cartoon. And his godchild was all "WHAT THE CRAP MAN." while he made out with a mirror."
Sqrl: "Oh yeah. That was GREAT. ... I bet there's slashfic. Juandissimo/Juandissimo."

[long silence]
[woof reaches out, whaps sqrl in tummy]

Sqrl: "Augh. My tummy. Whyfor you damage it?"
Woof: "You're thinking of writing it, aren't you."
Sqrl: "I am not ACTUALLY writing it!"
Woof: "But you're THINKING of it."
Sqrl: "If I was actually gonna write Fairly Oddparents slashfic, it would be Cosmo/Phillip."
Woof: "Okay what."
Sqrl: "Cosmo and his Nickel. And it's okay. It's het slash, 'cause Phillip's a girl nickel."
Woof: "Wou... how... gwuh... HOW WOULD THAT WORK!?"
Sqrl: "Well... it'd be complicated.. and very unsatisfying."
Woof: "Maybe if Cosmo became a boy nickel and they rubbed together in someone's pocket... oh god what am I doing."
Sqrl: "Ooh! Ooooh! Is that trickle-down economics?"
Woof: "...no."
Sqrl: "Can we work 'trickle down economics' into the story as an obscene pun?"
Woof: "No."
Sqrl: "I don't actually know what trickle down economics is."

[Long Discussion On Economic Theory]

Sqrl: "Did you think we could get that kind of educational talk out of a conversation about Fairly Oddparents pornography?"
Woof: "I'm just glad we've stopped TALKING about Fairly Oddparents pornography."
Sqrl: "Teehee. Actually, it should really have been about Spice and Wolf porn..."
Woof: "NO BECAUSE THAT WOULD HAVE MADE SENSE."
Sqrl: "...actually THAT would be a great fanfic. It starts out as hot Spicy Wolf porn, and then derails into Economics 201 and the reader is desperately page-downing going "HEY! BRING THAT BACK."
Woof: "And there... at the bottom..."
Sqrl: "Is a hook?"
Woof: "Is a Rickroll."
Sqrl: "Genius. ... But Holo really WILL never give you up, let you down, run around or desert you. As long as you have apples."

[conversation wanders elsewhere...]

Sqrl, later, absently: "That whole thing is going right on the Livejournal."

AND SO IT HAS.