Tremendous FAIL anime.
Jun. 3rd, 2010 08:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xyzzysqrlCutting this for spoilers and a SPIRAL into depression.
Magical Pokaan OVA 1
Beginning of the end for Magical Moe Magical Girl And Werewolf And Cyborg and Vampire Adventures. Magical. ... Magical. Weirdly, I... I'm gonna MISS this show. For some reason. Oh well. Three OVAs to go, let's start the first.
Oh god it's Unit 02. Is this gonna be an Eva riff?
"Oh no our top secret project fell in the river. Oh well."
Oh boy. Even worse, it's a Momotaro parody. The original one, the peach one. THIS should be good.
It's made of METAL, you dingus.
Woof: "You know, people in folk tales are often really kind of DIM."
Awesome. Ai will be playing the part of Momo. ...and I think she runs Windows 98.
Peach Hell is like Bullet Hell, except fruitier.
Ai is NOT what you would call a quick reader.
Google looks... different... in Japan.
Oh well. Off to defeat demons!
Liru, as always, is just happy to be included. And get fed.
...she's really cutting this story SHORT. Like, shaved-sliced short. Meanwhile, how do you Google "pheasant" and get "Vampire"?
And by "Exterminate" we mean "Spank"?
Apparently by "Exterminate", we ACTUALLY mean "eat sushi".
Oh for... Now they're invading a Lum-off.
GREAT TREASURE. *bike, golf clubs, fridge, TV*
Ah-HA. By "Defeat" we mean "Strip". At least they're not spanking them.
Woof: "I feel dumber for having watched that!" Sqrl: "I can totally relate."
And now the invisible girl is singing the ending song. This show is going to make my brains burst out of my skull. Boy, it's a good thing we didn't really watch this!
Nadia - Secret of Blue Water 15
Gratan Repair. How much time have they spent fixing this... whoa. They invented a FUSION KNIFE.
o/~ Geeeeniusesssss... o/~
Thirty seconds later, Jean's "My inventions work for five minutes" invention time limit runs out and it breaks down near-catastrophically.
MY GLASSES. I CAN'T SEE A THING WITHOUT MY GLASSES.
Woof: "Three, two, one..." Nadia: "Hi Jean!" *CRUNCH* Woof: "I hate being right."
I like how Jean's actual eyes are like dime-sized, but they LOOK hamburger-patty sized through his glasses.
Aaaaand Nadia is back on her straw horse riding to strawman town down straw road again.
...At this point, she's claiming AGRICULTURE is evil. COME ON.
...Sidereal Year 7892?!? What the flying flaming bejesus? Nadia is going to turn out to be the PRINCESS OF OUTER SPACE, isn't she.
You're asking Mister Science NOT to try to discover something. Good luck, Electra.
"If you watch us blow up the Garfish, you may think this ship isn't made to blow stuff up!" Uhm. Jean. Logic. Has you heard of it?
Nadia's lifetimer went off! She can only spend three more minutes transformed before she falls forever!
Captain Nemo has like an eight-pack of titanium testicles.
...the Nautilus, meanwhile, is apparently made of Super Alloy Z.
Cue Nadia getting pissed off in ... quit jumping the gun, Nadia.
This dude's mustache comes straight out of his nose and takes a hard turn straight to either side. Damn.
"FIRE LE MISSLES!"
Nemo puts on a very convincing show of collapsing, bleeding out, and ejecting debris.
Jean is heroic, but dumb. But very heroic.
"But this ship is full of SCIENCE. Make the science not kill people!"
There is now a LINE to slap Nadia one.
Again, heartwrenching death scene. Not a lot of funny to pull out of this one.
This episode was a big old domino-line of failures on everyone's part EXCEPT Gargoyle, really. Sigh.
Gun X Sword 5
Flute frenzy! And that's just the opening. Here's hoping this one's more cheery than the previous Nadia ep... mmrf.
Yep. The planet is really called "Endless Illusion".
Underground windmill town!
This is where SCIENCE lives.
...this is where TWINS live. Whoa. Cloneland.
Oh hey. It's Carmen99 and her Flying Car.
...oh great. It's that one planet from Star Trek. "I PART MY HAIR TO THE LEFT, BUT SHE PARTS IT TO THE RIGHT! AN IDEOLOGICAL CONFLICT THAT MUST BRING DEATH!"
Her name is Earl?
"Are you prepared to die for us?" "Fuck no, I wanna get PAID."
Earl and Elle. Uh-huh.
Pepper. Pepper. Pepper. Pepper. Pepper. Pepper. Pepper. Pepper. Pepper.
...you're not a body guard. You're a professional assassin. VAN'S a bodyguard. He is guarding bodies. You are firing wildly.
Crazy Ray the psycho assassin is, unfortunately, proof that this radical new idea of hiring OTHER people to kill the opposite side will actually work instead of provoking a mutual death stalemate. Damn.
Oops, no. Now the OTHER guy's been shot. In the SAME PLACE. This will not work after all.
PS, you're out of bullets, I counted.
Van AND Ray: "I just want to kill The Claw. He killed my wife." ... What the fuck. There is a rapidly-forming LINE of guys with roughly the same backstory: "The Claw killed/fought/destroyed my home/wife/family. I want revenge." This is a very uncreative DM!
Ray is kind of doing "honorable revenge" wrong, though. I wonder if he's the villain. Backup villain.
"Okay, you two go to the dueling area and..." *shot* Yeah, Ray is a megadouche.
And of course, it's an armor that requires two pilots. BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL STUPID IN THIS TOWN. STUPID STUPID STUPID.
Ew, video corruption. Dad left his dying message on Youtube.
Ray just... solves problems by shooting things. That's his default mode of interaction.
YESSS. Start the robot. Pilot it together with your MUTUAL HATE. Then kill Ray with it. COME ON.
...damn, Van's gonna block them. Because he's the 'hero'.
Ray has an armor? Aw man. He's gonna be a major character.
...whoa, they are full of SOOOO many drugs right now.
And so Ray kills MORE PEOPLE. For fuck's sake, man.
That was an enormous failure on everyone's part! Again! And everybody died! And there were some seriously creepy sister/father incest overtones!
Most of what I am learning from today's anime watching is that revenge just hurts a lot of people. Remind me why it's so popular again?
Magical Pokaan OVA 2
A Super Doctor K-Ko episode. Oh boy?
"You have a stomach ulcer." "Don't you have to examine it first?" "Show me your stomach." *PUNCH* "AAAAUGH." "Stomach pain."
Did Uma just invoke the sacred magical name of BJ Hunnicut to cure a stomach injury?
"THIS will make you bleed!" *perky*
Now the ghost/invisible girl is wrapped in bandages so we can see her. I... I just give up. There really ARE five cast members.
...so if Liru were a doctor the treatment would be "TOUGHEN UP AND SLEEP IT OFF."
Electroshock cyberization!
And so Super Doctor K-Ko died! The end!
...that was a LITTLE more upbeat! I guess!
Oh god I can't take watching anything else right now.
Magical Pokaan OVA 1
Beginning of the end for Magical Moe Magical Girl And Werewolf And Cyborg and Vampire Adventures. Magical. ... Magical. Weirdly, I... I'm gonna MISS this show. For some reason. Oh well. Three OVAs to go, let's start the first.
Oh god it's Unit 02. Is this gonna be an Eva riff?
"Oh no our top secret project fell in the river. Oh well."
Oh boy. Even worse, it's a Momotaro parody. The original one, the peach one. THIS should be good.
It's made of METAL, you dingus.
Woof: "You know, people in folk tales are often really kind of DIM."
Awesome. Ai will be playing the part of Momo. ...and I think she runs Windows 98.
Peach Hell is like Bullet Hell, except fruitier.
Ai is NOT what you would call a quick reader.
Google looks... different... in Japan.
Oh well. Off to defeat demons!
Liru, as always, is just happy to be included. And get fed.
...she's really cutting this story SHORT. Like, shaved-sliced short. Meanwhile, how do you Google "pheasant" and get "Vampire"?
And by "Exterminate" we mean "Spank"?
Apparently by "Exterminate", we ACTUALLY mean "eat sushi".
Oh for... Now they're invading a Lum-off.
GREAT TREASURE. *bike, golf clubs, fridge, TV*
Ah-HA. By "Defeat" we mean "Strip". At least they're not spanking them.
Woof: "I feel dumber for having watched that!" Sqrl: "I can totally relate."
And now the invisible girl is singing the ending song. This show is going to make my brains burst out of my skull. Boy, it's a good thing we didn't really watch this!
Nadia - Secret of Blue Water 15
Gratan Repair. How much time have they spent fixing this... whoa. They invented a FUSION KNIFE.
o/~ Geeeeniusesssss... o/~
Thirty seconds later, Jean's "My inventions work for five minutes" invention time limit runs out and it breaks down near-catastrophically.
MY GLASSES. I CAN'T SEE A THING WITHOUT MY GLASSES.
Woof: "Three, two, one..." Nadia: "Hi Jean!" *CRUNCH* Woof: "I hate being right."
I like how Jean's actual eyes are like dime-sized, but they LOOK hamburger-patty sized through his glasses.
Aaaaand Nadia is back on her straw horse riding to strawman town down straw road again.
...At this point, she's claiming AGRICULTURE is evil. COME ON.
...Sidereal Year 7892?!? What the flying flaming bejesus? Nadia is going to turn out to be the PRINCESS OF OUTER SPACE, isn't she.
You're asking Mister Science NOT to try to discover something. Good luck, Electra.
"If you watch us blow up the Garfish, you may think this ship isn't made to blow stuff up!" Uhm. Jean. Logic. Has you heard of it?
Nadia's lifetimer went off! She can only spend three more minutes transformed before she falls forever!
Captain Nemo has like an eight-pack of titanium testicles.
...the Nautilus, meanwhile, is apparently made of Super Alloy Z.
Cue Nadia getting pissed off in ... quit jumping the gun, Nadia.
This dude's mustache comes straight out of his nose and takes a hard turn straight to either side. Damn.
"FIRE LE MISSLES!"
Nemo puts on a very convincing show of collapsing, bleeding out, and ejecting debris.
Jean is heroic, but dumb. But very heroic.
"But this ship is full of SCIENCE. Make the science not kill people!"
There is now a LINE to slap Nadia one.
Again, heartwrenching death scene. Not a lot of funny to pull out of this one.
This episode was a big old domino-line of failures on everyone's part EXCEPT Gargoyle, really. Sigh.
Gun X Sword 5
Flute frenzy! And that's just the opening. Here's hoping this one's more cheery than the previous Nadia ep... mmrf.
Yep. The planet is really called "Endless Illusion".
Underground windmill town!
This is where SCIENCE lives.
...this is where TWINS live. Whoa. Cloneland.
Oh hey. It's Carmen99 and her Flying Car.
...oh great. It's that one planet from Star Trek. "I PART MY HAIR TO THE LEFT, BUT SHE PARTS IT TO THE RIGHT! AN IDEOLOGICAL CONFLICT THAT MUST BRING DEATH!"
Her name is Earl?
"Are you prepared to die for us?" "Fuck no, I wanna get PAID."
Earl and Elle. Uh-huh.
Pepper. Pepper. Pepper. Pepper. Pepper. Pepper. Pepper. Pepper. Pepper.
...you're not a body guard. You're a professional assassin. VAN'S a bodyguard. He is guarding bodies. You are firing wildly.
Crazy Ray the psycho assassin is, unfortunately, proof that this radical new idea of hiring OTHER people to kill the opposite side will actually work instead of provoking a mutual death stalemate. Damn.
Oops, no. Now the OTHER guy's been shot. In the SAME PLACE. This will not work after all.
PS, you're out of bullets, I counted.
Van AND Ray: "I just want to kill The Claw. He killed my wife." ... What the fuck. There is a rapidly-forming LINE of guys with roughly the same backstory: "The Claw killed/fought/destroyed my home/wife/family. I want revenge." This is a very uncreative DM!
Ray is kind of doing "honorable revenge" wrong, though. I wonder if he's the villain. Backup villain.
"Okay, you two go to the dueling area and..." *shot* Yeah, Ray is a megadouche.
And of course, it's an armor that requires two pilots. BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL STUPID IN THIS TOWN. STUPID STUPID STUPID.
Ew, video corruption. Dad left his dying message on Youtube.
Ray just... solves problems by shooting things. That's his default mode of interaction.
YESSS. Start the robot. Pilot it together with your MUTUAL HATE. Then kill Ray with it. COME ON.
...damn, Van's gonna block them. Because he's the 'hero'.
Ray has an armor? Aw man. He's gonna be a major character.
...whoa, they are full of SOOOO many drugs right now.
And so Ray kills MORE PEOPLE. For fuck's sake, man.
That was an enormous failure on everyone's part! Again! And everybody died! And there were some seriously creepy sister/father incest overtones!
Most of what I am learning from today's anime watching is that revenge just hurts a lot of people. Remind me why it's so popular again?
Magical Pokaan OVA 2
A Super Doctor K-Ko episode. Oh boy?
"You have a stomach ulcer." "Don't you have to examine it first?" "Show me your stomach." *PUNCH* "AAAAUGH." "Stomach pain."
Did Uma just invoke the sacred magical name of BJ Hunnicut to cure a stomach injury?
"THIS will make you bleed!" *perky*
Now the ghost/invisible girl is wrapped in bandages so we can see her. I... I just give up. There really ARE five cast members.
...so if Liru were a doctor the treatment would be "TOUGHEN UP AND SLEEP IT OFF."
Electroshock cyberization!
And so Super Doctor K-Ko died! The end!
...that was a LITTLE more upbeat! I guess!
Oh god I can't take watching anything else right now.
