Just Cause 2.

I've been playing the demo of a video game called "Just Cause 2" over and over and over recently, and I've decided to write down a bit of why it amuses me.

Basically, the formula for the game is "Physics Minus Morals Plus Hilarity". Imagine if you were Spider-Man, except you were a giant asshole. Also, you were a latin man who identifies with scorpions instead of spiders, you work in South America or something, you're a terrorist, and your goal is to cause as much chaos as possible.

So not Spider-Man at all, but you do have an AWESOME GRAPPLING HOOK. You can use this thing, which is somehow elastic and high-tension at the same time, to chain people to objects. To chain objects to objects. To chain yourself to objects. You can, for example, use a helicopter to pull the head off a statue, then swing it around like a wrecking ball. Doing so and whacking five people with it earns you extra demo time. You can climb on top of a car, surf around like the Freelance Police (assault rifle blazing), and just staple pedestrians to the side of the car. You earn extra demo time for that. You can chain a box to a tank of Movie Gas, so when you shoot the tank it flies away at high speed, and the box hits a dude in the face.

There's also the "Stunt Jump" button. This makes you leap around on moving vehicles. If you happen to pass a motorcyclist and hit the stunt jump button, you ass-tackle them off the bike and wheelie away on it. You DON'T earn time for that, but I think that's just because it's such a BASIC asshole move. Just Cause 2 is not impressed with your ass-tackle. Try harder.

Your stated goal in the game, incidentally, is "Turn this island into a smoking hell."

So you may begin to see why this is my kind of game. I'm seriously tempted to pick it up. All that's holding me back is that I don't want to buy things without talking it over with the woof, but I'm sure once he sees me flying a helicopter upside-down over a small Latin American village while blazing wildly away with dual chainguns, he will have no choice but to be persuaded. This is the kind of game The Internet plays and goes "But there's nothing to DO, and all the goals are too far apart." Meanwhile, it's the kind of game I play and emit a constant "HURRRR!" of giggling amusement even the 50,000th time I surf a car off a cliff.

(Also, Steam invites me to "Pre-Order Just Cause 2 and receive 10% off until it is released." At which point... what, I have to give them the 10% back?)

Ramenbox Review: Our first FAILURE.

I have a few notes to myself, for this one.

First: Chili Powder does not -dissolve- in water/broth. It just floats. Leave this out.
Second: If you're going to drain water by clamping a paper plate over the bowl and pouring slowly, make sure it's one of those wax-covered paper plates that are nice and stiff.
Three: Can fingertip burns be fatal? Find out.
Four: Get a colander, you moron.

Okay. On to Mama TomYum Shrimp, which I must say out of the gate is a dirty dirty lie. This is the kind of shrimp your mother serves if she HATES YOU because she always wanted a girl/boy/houseplant.

Nothing seemed amiss while I was mixing it up. Same layout as the Mama Pork, chili powder, flavor packet, and mysterious sludge. The noodles were rather orangish and smelled of peanut oil, but I LIKE peanut oil, so that was not concerning. Now, what raised some worries for me was when I opened the flavor packet. I got hit with a head-spinning floral scent, something odd and sharp that made me slightly dizzy. But I'm used to things being strong before cooking, so I tossed it in and mixed and waited.

Then I ate.

Oh god. How do I describe... this wasn't shrimp. This was like eating noodles, except they're not actually noodles, they're thinly-sliced whole lemons that have been rolled in chili powder. There was no shrimp taste at all in this. The ad-copy on the ramenbox site mentioned "spicy lemon grass and lime juice broth", and that is in fact what made me order this. My love for lime is legendary. But this was PURE CITRIC ACID. The noodles were sharply acidic and the broth was a chemical weapon that would melt the flesh of the innocent.

I ate some of it, then cut with more water (another first) and that made it slightly more bearable, but... I DO like citrus, even intense citrus... But I don't think I'll order this one again. The reviews on the site suggest a strong love it/hate it bias line, and I fall down... well. On the "Tom/Yum" scale, where Yum is delicious and Tom just peed in your ramen, this comes down hard on Tom.