Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen - A review of sorts

[xyzzysqrl]

On a lark, I decided to watch Transformers 2. (Don't worry about how or why. Yay technology.)

I've seen a lot of movies in my life. I saw the first Transformers, for example, and found it quite likable and kind of fun. I've seen B-movies no human should ever watch, and I rather enjoyed most of those too. I own one of those DVD collections you see on the rack at K-Mart of "TEN GOLDEN AGE SCI FI MOVIES" and I've watched all of them, if only for the novelty of seeing The Brain that Wouldn't Die without the little guys at the bottom of the screen.

When I was younger, myself and my friends Collin, Danny, and Chris would go out to the local $2 movie theater and watch whatever was handy. We saw a lot of last-run movies that way. The Matrix, f'example. Beavis and Butthead Do America. Once we watched a tense psychological drama about racism because Collin swore it would have a bus blowing up in it. (It did.) My mom would always ask what we watched.

Once we came home from the theater and she asked "So, what'd you see?" and there was a long, uncomfortable silence.

"Uh."
"We saw..."
"The Fifth Element. You know, with the flying cars."
"Yeah."
"It was good?"
"Sure it was."

Mom nodded. My friends left. She called me over. "Okay. What did you REALLY see?"

"...we snuck into an R-rated horror movie?"
"You're still lying. Besides, Chris would be overstimulated and bouncing off the walls if you had."
This was true.
"Why are you lying about what movie you watched?"

I looked away uncomfortably.

"Because we watched Batman and Robin."
"...Uh... okay, you're not lying, but... so what?"
"...we don't want anyone to ever find out we watched that movie and paid money to do it."
"Oh. Ohhhh. ... Okay. I think I get it."

What I'm trying to say, in a very roundabout way, is this: I would lie to my mother about having seen Transformers 2.

Should you feel an urge to see this movie, the quite-excellent glashund provides a link to ... well, basically a really smartassed web page with a bunch of sarcasm on it directed towards the film.

I don't feel like directing any sarcasm towards the movie myself... I believe in putting mistakes like that behind me, I try to reserve my sarcasm for things I'm actually FOND of... but some of you may find it amusing.

Comments

[postrodent.livejournal.com]

Wow. The first movie was kind of incoherent, but this one... geez. I suppose this is an example of a system with too little feedback to correct itself -- as long as the last one made money, make another one, bigger, louder and dumber.
Roger Ebert also took a couple of swings at T2. You know you're in some trouble when Ebert has hilariously caustic things to say about your movie. Unfortunately there are some people I care for and respect deeply who may ask me to watch this film with them.

[vulpisfoxfire.livejournal.com]

Well, then you'll find out if they care for and respect you equally back when you tell them 'Not even if they *paid* me to.' ;-)

[loiosh-de-talto.livejournal.com]

There's no need to correct what is an overwhelming success in terms of money (if not respect). To date he's made $449,639,235 on Terminator 2.

[xyzzysqrl]

...Did you typo Transformers 2 there?

[loiosh-de-talto.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Transformers 2 :) I've been doing that for the last month for some reason.

[seawasp]

Hm. I saw a lot of positive feedback on T2 on my flist; now I've seen two negatives.

[loiosh-de-talto.livejournal.com]

I liked it. It featured explosions and giant robots :)

Sadly, to the hate of some of my internet friends, I'm one of the reasons Michael Bay movies are successful.

[xyzzysqrl]

I liked the first one. I thought the second one needed a LOT of work before it could aspire to the "Fun explosions and robots" level, sadly.

[phennphawcks.livejournal.com]

I guess the review at http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/markkermode/2009/06/transformers_190609.html is pretty accurate then?

[vulpisfoxfire.livejournal.com]

I *love* this review--it pretty much says it all! (pun intended. :-) )

[relee.livejournal.com]

This is my favorite review so far. http://io9.com/5301898/michael-bay-finally-made-an-art-movie

[vulpisfoxfire.livejournal.com]

On a semi-unrelated topic, I find the middle part of your story (the bit about the R-rated movie) hilarious--for several reasons. ;-)