Depression talk.

[xyzzysqrl]

So I'm having the kind of depression where I'm like: "...What do I do? I don't want to play video games. I don't want to read. Talking to people is making me feel lonely. What do I do? ... I will EAT. Eating occupies me. I will eat lots of food."

So I eat. And I feel better, until my brain goes "HA HA YOU ATE FOOD AND YOU'RE FATTER NOW. TRICKED YOU WITH FAKE HUNGER."

Except I'll tell the boyfriend that I ate something and ask when I last ate and he'll look at the clock and then look at me like I've suffered a massive head injury and carefully explain that no, really, I SHOULD have eaten, because taking sixteen hours between each meal is kind of a bad idea. So I might not be eating -enough-, and that could -also- be making me feel tired and depressed.

I'm not actually sure anymore. So, what I really need is to medicate myself daily, which will involve fishing out that "days of the week pill reminder" plastic thingie and loading it up, and then I have to remember that hydration and food are -good ideas- and I should occasionally stop and do some math to see if it's time for more of them yet. Also shower and shave and get a haircut and so on and so on.

Y'know. Basic body regulation. I have mentally completely spaced out lately and I've got to reel myself in before I just give up and push a chair in front of the bedroom door and refuse to come out ever.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

It seems to be going around lately, this listless joyless depression. I hope you come through it soon enough.

[otter3.livejournal.com]

It's been a long winter.

[xyzzysqrl]

And there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last?

[otter3.livejournal.com]

I'll do both of us a favor and decline to answer.

[relee.livejournal.com]

Maybe you should make some kind of 'eating calendar' where you mark down when you're supposed to eat, and cross out when you do. But, then, if you're depressed like I'm depressed, you can't do that in the first place...