Apr. 23rd, 2017


Apr. 23rd, 2017 02:27 pm
xyzzysqrl: (Ducks)
Last night I had what felt like the most Season Finale-ass dream I've ever had, which is worrying but whatever.

So in this dream I'd just had my next birthday and somehow I'd managed to get dozens of gift cards, all to one nearby mall, from all y'all on the internet. People I know and love, people I just know, even a couple from people I'm pretty sure never want anything to do with me ever again. All for random scattershot amounts. So I went out to the mall only to find I had such a big stack of gift cards they thought I was trying to work the system somehow.

Because of my lack of ID and inability to say non-suspicious things ("So you got these cards from THE INTERNET." "Oh, I mean people on the Internet." "Right.") it eventually ended with a Gruff Hard-bitten Police Detective declaring I was obviously suspicious as hell and needed to be arrested. So I ran the hell away and started a series of new lives that were invariably destroyed by this detective catching up with me.

Eventually I ended up in Canada working as a promotional photographer for a movie being filmed there (I got this position by acting mysterious and only ever giving a single fake name of "Locus", which I saw on a sign outside the filming) but got caught up in protests. The people of New Brunswick were super upset that the movie claimed all they eat is Brunswick stew. They had a song about it. I don't remember how it goes.

....around this point the dream diverged into helping an old couple get over the curse placed on them by a magic jukebox. It was like an hour long subplot and everyone was few up with it by the end. I remember distinct comments about how this was running too long and we needed to resolve the main plot before I woke up. Yeah, I know.

So eventually there was a daring chase through a back alley, the police inspector caught up, all seemed lost, but the various people I'd done jobs for showed up to vouch for me in spite of them all getting my name wrong, and I confessed loudly to being a furry on the internet and the detective was like "Oh well shit why didn't you say so, furries are INNATELY suspicious as hell, no wonder" and as we were having one of those everyone-laughs endings another package of gift cards arrived and I realized I was like 1,500 miles from the mall they were supposed to be used at, so I traded them in for a really big cup of Brunswick stew.

God, after typing that, -I- want to cancel any remaining seasons of ... uh, me. Tell me that does not read like a desperate season-12-finale bid to please wrap up the show already so everyone can go home.
xyzzysqrl: (Play with me.)
Oh, this was some rich and chewy cheese. I had to pop a lactaid halfway through this game because oh my goodnesssssss.

Okay so this is the third version of the first Journeyman Project game, a vintage FMV adventure game with live action actors and pre-rendered areas to walk through. The plot is happily ridiculous: It is the Idealistic Future and humanity is about to reach out and be touched by an alien race that wants to welcome us into the Grand Peace Corps of Races Who Are Peaceful. An EVIL SCIENTIST decides that aliens cannot be trusted and sends evil robots back to the past to sabotage history and create an alternate future.

You, Agent 5 of the Time Patrol (or rather the Nick Cage looking mofo playing Agent 5, who you play as) drew the short straw. You're the dude working the day this all goes bad, so it's up to you to go back in time and fix the past for the present of tomorrow, or whatever.

It's good. I mean, it's ridiculous, but that is actually a major positive for me. The only real negative with this game is fixed in later games, and that's the fact that you need to re-run everything in a particular History Zone when you jump there. Did you get poisoned the first time you jump in? Well, you're ALWAYS gonna get poisoned when you jump in. (It's cool though, after the first time you've mixed up a Jumbo-Size Slushie Cup of antidote and you can just slrrrrrp up a big mouthful with no repercussions or anything.)

Did you do a maze and discover you left a vital tool in another time zone? Better go get it and then re-run the maze.

THAT one is inexcusable and had me MAKING SURE they fixed the jump-in locale problem in the two sequels, because if they didn't... yeeaaaaarrrrghhhh.

They did. It's fine.

Also this game explicitly has a "Ghandi Bonus" for non-lethally killing the robots you encounter in each time zone. I'm not sure Ghandi: Robot Fighter is even a thing but I appreciate the sentiment.


xyzzysqrl: A moogle sqrlhead! (Default)

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