Who let these people off Usenet?

WHY is there a man on television trying to convince me that my colon is gathering mucus that will give me PMS? Why is he feverently pushing his seven day butt-flushing program at me to help me lose 40 pounds of colon mucus? What the hell kind of alternate reality IS this, anyway? Aren't we living in the future yet? Does the FUTURE give you PMS? Does it matter that I'm, like, a guy?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND TELEVISION ANYMORE.