Sep. 2nd, 2017

xyzzysqrl: A moogle sqrlhead! (Default)
"It's like Wind Waker meets Dark Souls!" was the pitch, apparently. I don't know why anyone would think that was a good idea but yes okay let's pretend these two things are tonally close enough that we can work with that.

It's not. If by "like Dark Souls" you mean circle-strafing around an enemy, okay. If you mean you have a stamina bar, okay. But Dark Souls rewarded you for mastering its combat. If you rolled behind an enemy you could backstab for great damage, or parry with a shield, or pull off any number of little tricks of mastery that let you have an advantage. If you're standing behind someone in Cornerstone you can whack them repeatedly until your stamina runs out, and then they turn around.

Fine.

Zelda-style exploration, but everything has physics weight! Oh god no, when I roll into a box and the box rolls on top of me and then I get stuck and pop three feet straight up in the air for no reason and take falling damage it does not encourage me to explore the physics interactions. It encourages me to go out of my way to be sure more physics STOPS HAPPENING.

Everyone in this game talks like they think they're very clever. They aren't. Going into a long detailed in-world explanation of a thing, having my character ask "What?" and then going "IT'S A VIDEO GAME THING BECAUSE THIS IS A VIDEO GAME DURR" is only funny like once, maybe twice tops. More and you're pushing it.

Crafting. Let's craft boxes to use as platforms for awkward chunky physics-jumping. Let's craft sticks and sticks and more sticks.

Awkward, slow, painful combat.

The dawning realization that there's like six islands of this to "look forward" to.

No. God, no, I'm sorry. I don't want this. I know for a fact that it came in a bundle, so I paid maybe $5 tops for it. The store page says $20.

Twenty dollars. I cannot imagine how utterly affronted and pissed off I would be if I'd paid $20 for this. I realize that the frequent sales and lowering prices of games devalues the entire medium to some extent, but...

$20.
No.

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xyzzysqrl: A moogle sqrlhead! (Default)
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